Beat the Sweets

Derrick Rose's well documented love for candy is something I find absolutely fascinating. Between him and Lamar Odom, the Nestle Co. should be set on finances well into the next decade. Now, I don't know if both of these pro athlete's guardians kept the Willy Wonka DVD playing relentlessly on their home televisions throughout their childhood, or they're just die-hard fans of John Candy like everyone else. But, these players have gone to extreme measures to keep their sweet tooth satisfied. Odom has his own "candy man" who shops for the Lakers star and provides Lamar with industrial sized candy boxes by the boatload. And for Rose, well he just had a Skittles vending machine installed in his own house--no big deal. Although Rose swears that he's getting better, and Lamar crosses up and down that Khloe Kardashian is changing his diet (very hard to believe), both players continue to produce at the highest level of professional basketball. In that case, I don't care if you're skipping meals like Allie McBeal or pounding pork rinds with Kristie Alley, it's all kosher.

Derrick quarterbacked the Bulls in a hard fought contest in Oklahoma City last night, battling his counterpart Russell Westbrook in a fast paced game that had my eyes moving from left to right like I was taking a field sobriety test. Even though Rose was nagged by foul trouble in the 1st quarter and then again early in the 4th, he proved his worth when he was on the floor and solidified the captain status that Thibodeau heaped upon him just hours before tip-off. My only grievance with D Rose last night was his quick-trigger in certain instances of the game, but that is common during your first trip to the firing range each year (Actually I don't know, I've never been to the firing range, I'm not a hillbilly). But in the final stretch of the 4th, the Bulls crumbled like stray cheez-its under a couch cushion when push came to shove in the ThunderDome. On consecutive possessions down one point, the Bulls had a shot-clock violation and a turnover off of a Taj Gibson travel. In the NBA, you have to value every possession like it's your childhood blanket on the road against a good team, and the Bulls went from down 92-91 to down 12 and virtually out of reach to close out the game due to ill-advised carelessness on the offensive end.

On a more positive note, I thought Taj Gibson had some bright spots finishing some plays under the basket and looked like he could still be building off of his solid rookie campaign from a year ago. Also, Gibson and Bogans both look like they suffer from alopecia areata and could be featured in a TV ad with new cubs skipper Mike Quade nd former MTV veejay Matt Pinfield before the season is out (I'm imagining them all shaving their head in front of a mirror with machetes like Pedro Cerrano in Major League). And, for most of the game, the Bulls D looked stingy and worked as a cohesive unit and held the Durantula to a 'quiet' 30 points, if there is such thing. My other favorite thing about Wednesday's game was Durant's free-throw shoulder shake, that thing gets me every time (it reminds me of Jack Parkman's shake in Major League.."it makes the women here in Cleveland puke" -Bob Uecker-). Also, I was ecstatic that 'Byron' Mullens was in a suit on the bench. I hope he spends all of his rookie paycheck on tailored suits and then gets cut by Scott Brooks, he really deserves it. After all, it's an 82 game season and I knew we wouldn't win them all. 81-1 it is.

As for Pick of the Day, contrary to most people, I am thoroughly enjoying the paradigm associated in this World Series match-up. As the Skalr Bros. recently tweeted (say what you want about Cheap Seats and their guest appearances on Entourage, but the Sklar Brothers are great on Twitter) "I feel like SF vs. Texas is a battle between blue states and red states, tofu and steak, and Harvey Milk and the guy who killed him". With that being said, being the libertarian that Pulse Man is, he likes the Giants again in game 2 at (-105)

Pick of the Day: Rangers @ Giants- GIANTS, moneyline (-105)

Record: (26-21-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Strange Brewer

The Chicago Bulls officially get things going on Wednesday by making a trip to Bricktown and facing off against one of the most youthful and exciting teams in the league, the OKC Thunder (my second favorite team). Tom Thibodeau seems to have his squad ready for the ESPN prime time tussle and has finalized his roster to 13 by cutting a few of my favorite Bulls, most notably Beloit, WI native and former Wazzou standout Kyle Weaver and former U of I role player "the Reverand" Roger Powell. I thought for sure that Kyle would weave his way (no pun intended) into the Bulls basket being the long, rangy defender that he is. Either way, he'll catch on with an obscure NBA franchise and cause me to contemplate spending $55 on a personalized Indiana Pacers jersey--it could be worse. But in a move that is much more consequential, Thibodeau has named Keith Bogans his starter at the 2 alongside Rose, Deng, Gibson and Noah, leaving out free-agent acquisitions Ronnie Brewer and Kyle Korver as well as high-flying sparkplug, James Johnson.

Thibodeau's decision proves to me that it is going to either be his way, or the Jane Addams Memorial Tollway for Bulls players this season, and also affirms that the new-look Bulls are going to have to prove themselves on the floor to compete for their own playing time. No longer will the Bulls be the 'mental midgets' that morph into the maladroit mixture that folds whenever the UC clock signals the start of the 4th quarter like they were under Vinny Del Negro. Still, I thought that Brewer was a perfect rook in Thibodeau's chess-like defensive scheme, which employs constantly changing sets, lending itself to a player like Brewer whose 6'7'' frame fits him into 3 positions comfortably. Perhaps Thibs opted for Bogans at the 2 because he poses more of a scoring threat based on Ronnie Brewer's undexterous J that is oddly enough the result of a childhood waterslide injury in Arkansas (what the hell goes on down there?). Perhaps he's concerned about Brewer's off the court involvement with his first cousin, rapper Guilty Simpson (seriously, what the ____?) whose first three CD's were entitled OJ Simpson 1, OJ Simpson 2, and Ode to the Ghetto which boasts his top single "Gettin' Bitches". I swear I didn't just make that up.

For now, I'm going to trust Thib's decisions because he has probably forgotten more basketball than I'll ever know, specifically NBA basketball. All I'm saying is, Bogans is going to have his work cut out for him matching up with reigning NBA scoring Champ Kevin Durant, a player whose body is seemingly is made up from a combination of popsicle sticks and rubberbands, accommodating his playing style as the most versatile scorer in the NBA. The Bulls/Thunder matchup should be exciting to say the least. We all know how riveting Rose, Noah and James Johnson can be for the Bulls. Now throw Russell Westbrook, Durant, James Harden and Jeff Green on the same floor, and you have an exhilarating 48 minutes of pro basketball...should be fun.


Note: If you're wondering why the Thunder are my 2nd favorite team, just look at their roster, their jerseys, and James Harden's shoes. I know Matt DeMars and Jeff Heiden have the same opinion, because whenever the Thunder played on National TV in college, we sat on the couch, drank an absurd amount of Barq's Root Beer (except Jeff, only uncarbonated Pink Lemonade) and raved about how 'sick' the Thunder were. I even remember DeMars threatning to steal an OKC Thunder hooded sweatshirt off of a random campus passerby. As you may know, the Thunder have Durant, Westbrook, Green and Harden as their familiar names, but what you may not know is that their roster also boasts Kansas farmboys Nick Collison and Cole Aldrich (who I heard has recently purchased replacement incisor front-teeth), intangible imports like Serge Ibaka and Thabo Sefalosha, lights out launchers Eric Maynor and Mo Peterson (him and Charlie Bell are the last of the Flintstones left), and DJ White, who mainstreamed the full-length T on a big man look at IU that you now see regularly in college hoops. The only player I dislike is Byron Mullens, who recently told the media not to refer to him as B.J. anymore (Why did you ever think BJ was a good idea?), and sports the most abominable facial hair/fade combo in the NBA now that Adam Morrison is out of work.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man likes the Giants and Mitch Kramer from Dazed and Confused to take down the untouchable Cliff Lee in game 1 of the Fall Classic. I'm not sure why the Rangers are favorites in this game, but the Giants are getting good value at home (+116) in their first world series since the Barry Bonds Biceps era in '02.

Pick of the Day: Phillies @ Giants- GIANTS, moneyline (+116)

Record:(25-20-0)

Also, check out my good friend Kevin Bulger's blog at www.freckleinaforeigncity.blogspot.com . He's currently playing pro basketball in England, so he has some interesting insights into his culture shock. Also, if you haven't already, which most of you seemingly have, you can vote for him on the 'guest blog poll.'

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Sick of # 6

I thought we had put the past away (and stepped back from that ledge my friend). Apparently not. On Sunday afternoon, Cutler showed flashes of the 26 INT season he endured a year ago. Carelessly launching the football around the field with seemingly no sense of instinct for where his receivers were on any given play, ultimately leading to the Bears second straight home loss to a mediocre team with a morbid color scheme (Redskins and Seahawks? Come on). The Bears/Skins game had more turnovers than a danish bakery and the city is on Jay Cutler again--relentlessly blaming his ineptitude on his diabetes, cursing his socialite girlfriend with hateful responses to her recent "Me and Jay just carved pumpkins" tweet (true story). Prior to Cutler's arrival in Chicago, we used to compare Cutler and Brett Favre for their tremendous arm strength and their uncanny ability to place the ball in a window the size of a women's locker room peephole. Now, the only similarity the two quarterbacks share is in their ability to lure attention-driven cosmopolitan starlets to their hotel suite using the powers behind the camera application on their Droid Incredible.

Had Cutler thrown 4 INT's trying to make something happen to push the Bears into "Field Gould" range and swallowed his pride in the postgame press-conference, it would have been a different animal, a whole new can of worms if you will (shout-out Matt DeMars). Instead, Cutler completed more passes to DeAngelo Hall (4) than his Tight End and starting Running Back combined (3). He had two turnovers in the Red Zone: a goal line plunge fumble that stripped the Bears of 6 points, and a back-footed lob interception that turned into 6 points for the Redskins. Even J'Marcus Webb can do that Math--"that's a 12 point swiiiiing, y'aaaaaalllllll". Still, the most puzzling incident that happened on Sunday could have been Cutler's postgame press-conference in which he boldly stated "If we played them again tomorrow, I'd go at him (DeAngelo Hall) every time if I could." Really Jay? You threw four picks to the guy in one half. You would've had 5 INT's if Laron Landry hadn't tried to catch one of your errant passes with his dome, coincidentally giving offensive tackle Chris Williams his first meaningful stat of the season, a reception.

The good news is, the Bears get a week off to watch the Packers take a 1/2 game lead in the division. The bad news, the Bears next 'performance' isn't even in the United States and after the way the Buffalo Bills played Sunday, it is conceivably a losable game. If the Bills can win anywhere, it's got to be the frigid, baron wasteland of Canada. Hopefully Cutler can block out all the cheese-eating surrender monkeys dressed in denim outfits in the stands with their neckties roped into Windsor knots, chugging Canadian Club Whiskey and bloviating about the Canadian healthcare system and their mutual adoration for all things Northern Pike. I'm seriously scared about this Buffalo game; Fitzpatrick was born for Canada.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man salvaged his Saturday 6 Pack with a win in his 'Big Ticket' pick. Still recovering from his weekend at EIU, which presumably erupted on Sunday afternoon after hearing the news that alumnus Mike Shanahan took down the Bears, the Pulse Man likes the Heat in the opening game of their 2010-2011 campaign against the Brian Scalbrine-less Boston Celtics at a 'pick em' value (-105).

Pick of the Day: Heat @ Celtics- HEAT (pick em) (-105)

Record:(25-20-0)

Now I'm done. Rack Me

Frost

Sweet and Sour Sixteen

There a few moments in life that prompt a "LET'S GO!" (shot-out Matt Meyers) moment and instantly rejuvenate you to perform the task at hand with added vigor. Perhaps hearing the sounds of Miley Cyrus' "Party in the USA" blasting through the blown-out speakers of your mid-level sedan may add some elation to your usual lifeless commute home. Maybe you sting a 3 iron from 190 after chili-dipping your tee shot and give yourself a shot at saving par and making some greenbacks off your visor-clad, cholo golf partner. Or, maybe you just found out that your state University who returns five starters and signed their first McDonalds All-American since Dance Dance Revolution was invented in '03 is ranked #16 in the first preseason polls for college basketball. LETS GO! Yes, Illinois has become relevant again. Hopefully those long Wednesday nights of watching the Illini get run over by Dayton in the second round of the NIT are over--at least for this year.

The Chief and Co. return all 5 starters from a team that was as sporadic as a seismograph in 2010. They lost to Bradley early on, then rebounded to steal a win @ Clemson in the ACC/Big 10 challenge to maintain a formidable start. Then, the Fighting Illini dropped their last 3 of the regular season, only to rebounded to beat Wisco in the Big Ten Tourney quarterfinals and came within a regulation layup of downing Evan Turner and the tOSU in the semis, leaving them outside of the 65 team NCAA tournament field and in the NIT, which attracts less of an audience than the Andy Griffith show on Nick at Nite. Following Illinois basketball last year was like waiting for a public defense lawyer--you never knew who the hell was showing up, and in the end, it didn't work out that well. This year though, Assembly Hall is loaded with talent. DJ Richardson and Brandon Paul are unidentifiable on the court as they were basically xerox copies of each other--fast, energizing and athletic. But more so than anything else, both players were inconsistent as Freshman. With added experience headed into their Sophomore campaign, hopefully DJ and and BP can feed off the playmaking ability of Senior Demitri McCamey, who became arguably the Big 10's most complete player with the exception of his high school teammate, Evan Turner and his marshan voicebox. At 6'3'', 200 lbs., McCamey is the size of a refrigerator but can heat it up faster than Jamar Smith in his old "microwave" days before he started playing too much Cruisin USA while blacked-out in his dorm and thought he could replicate the scenario in real life.

In the frontcourt, Illinois returns Mike Davis, who interestingly enough attended the same high school (T.C Williams) where Remember the Titans was filmed (I don't really care for Mike Davis' game, so we'll leave it at that). In other news,my personal favorite member of U of I's basketball team also returns, Mike Tisdale. At first glance, you would think that Tisdale is just a scrawny, agriculture major you'd want to recruit for intimidation in the paint for your C-League intramural squad. But Mike uses the window better than a chic interior designer devising the floor plan for a family room and is the proud owner of a soft, feathery touch that would make the Charmin bear blush. As far as core players go, Illinois definitely has the pieces to make a run at the Big 10 title.

The wild card however, is Freshman All-American Jereme Richmond. Hailing from the ultimate sewer of Lake County (Waukegan), Richmond is one of the biggest recruits Bruce Weber has ever tied down in his tenure in Champaign. But in this case, talent comes in the most volatile of packages. There is no doubt Richmond is talented, but there is even less doubt in his own self-confidence. Jereme is an athletic freak who can change the momentum of the game with a highlight reel alley oop or a pin-block that trickles back to the halfcourt stripe. If you haven't seen Richmond play, this video is all you need to see (1:21 pause). However, Richmond is also the guy who used to kiss the floor before high school games and walked around with the same swagger Vinny Barbarino displayed in Welcome Back, Kotter. Getting him to be comfortable in a reserve role with 5 starters returning could be like fitting a 12 year old into a carseat, lots of squirming and immaturity can ensue at any point. With that being said, Illinois is lucky to have gotten the last two Illinois Mr. Basketball award winners as Bruce must strike a chord with the resident 'basketball wives' of Lake County. Throw in Luther Head's younger brother, Crandall, as a lucky, rabbit's foot like legacy on the 2011 squad and Illinois has all bases covered.

Still, U of I finds itself ranked #16 overall, which is great in its own right, but that ranking still trails conference foes Michigan St.(#2), Ohio State (#5) and the now Robbie Hummel-less Purdue Boilermakers (#8). Often times people say that the only thing less important than your preseason ranking is the score at halftime, and maybe the attractiveness of your undergrads (as evidenced by Duke and Butler last year), which definitely has the tendency to hold true. But Illinois has to deal with each of the aforementioned teams twice in the conference season after dealing with perennial power UNC (#9) in the ACC/Big 10 Challenge, a date in the dry-land with Texas (#25), and a highly anticipated and always intense border battle with Missouri (#15). There's a warhead in every goodie-bag, and Illinois strength of schedule could sway the Illini back atop the nation's elite in 2011, or plummet them back to the Roady's Humanitarian Bowl (Bowling Green vs. Idaho last year) of college basketball--the NIT.

As for Pick of the Day, hopefully the weekend brings the Pulse Man some solace as he makes the trek down to Charleston, Illinois to visit his proud alma mater, Eastern Illinois. Before departing, he left me with his Saturday 6 pack and drove himself back to a land where mercilessly making passes at younger girls wasn't going to have to cost him a $7 cover charge. Anyway, here are his picks:

Saturday 6 Pack:

2 Team Parlay:

1. Duke (+27) @ Virginia Tech- DUKE
2. Maryland @ Boston College, Total Points 41.5- UNDER
Total: (+273)

3 Team Parlay:
1. Nebraska @ Oklahoma St. (+6)-OKLAHOMA STATE
2. Wisconsin @ Iowa, Total Points 47.5- UNDER
3. LSU @ Auburn- AUBURN, moneyline
Total:(+435)

'Big Ticket' Pick of the Day:
Marshall @ East Carolina (-12.5)- EAST CAROLINA

Now I'm done. Rack Me

Frost

Upper Management

When I initially heard that the Cubs removed the interim label on Mike Quade and gave him a full-time position, it felt like Mike was a 22 year old, recent college grad who had been intensely filing documents and stuffing envelopes all summer to get the full time gig at a company he never really dreamed would employ him. In the end, that's exactly what Mike Quade's rise to prominence in Cubbie blue has become, except of course that Quade's not 22, he's 53 going on 90. I guess that's what 16 years in the minor leagues riding buses from Macon, GA to Scranton, PA trying to explain how to calculate Slugging % to every mid level prospect will do to a man. Obviously, Quade wasn't the home-run signing that most Cub fans longed for in their next manager, but perhaps he's just what the Cubs need. Not a guy who is going to make national headlines, but someone who goes about the nature of his business in his own way and finds the success that he deserves. Mike Quade is a journeyman. Whenever you manage a baseball team referred to as the Vancouver Canadians, who don't display their talents on a sheet of ice, and then go on to manage a team with a history (good or bad, it's still history) like the Chicago Cubs, that's the only way the sports glossary can describe you.

In reality, Quade's got a little bit of everything the Cubs wanted in their new skipper. Fans babbled about how Joe Girardi was perfect because he was the hometown hero. He grew up as a Cub fan, went to Northwestern, came up in the Cubs system, and now the opportunity was there for him to become the next manager. But Mike Quade is not far off that path. He was born in Evanston, went to Prospect High School (shout out to my main man, Jeff Heiden), took a detour to the University of New Orleans so he could check out some boobs at the mardi gras parade while he was still in his prime, and gave a run at an MLB career that got him about as far as the entire cast of Major League: Back to the Minors. Cub fans also adored Ryne Sandberg's label as a "players manager". Oh, how he was masterful at winning games in AAA Iowa. Give me a break, Wavin' Wendell Kim could have won a pennant with the talent that Ryno had in Des Moines (Colvin, Jake Fox, Hoffpauir, all in the last 2 years). His only pro experience was being on a dozen Cub teams that were mediocre in the mid 90's before about 7,000 fans a game.

Mike Quade is not going to be the kind of guy who plays Kosuke in right every day because he wants free takeout from Chens on Clark. He's not going to tolerate Soriano loafing towards a double in the gap and then proceeding to bitch-arm it back to the cut-off man. As evidenced by his late season benching of Starlin Castro, those days are over. The Cubs aren't going to clear their bank accounts this year so they can add more 'left handed power' or a 'veteran starter' like the desperate guy who tracked down Demi Moore in Striptease. They have the pieces around them. There's no doubt about it. Maybe for once the Cubs will string together a season prided on team chemistry and timely hitting rather than another over indulgence in Home Runs and ERA. Maybe Mike Quade's irrepressible nature will rub off on the royal blue pinstripers. Then again, maybe not. They are still the Cubs.

Pick of the Day: Phillies @ Giants- PHILLIES(+105)

Record:(25-19-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

White-hot, Black-hawks

Yesterday I asked my Dad who was leisurely laying on his recliner "hey, can you check the Blackhawks game?" Five years ago, he would have glared over at me and made a snide remark about me deciding not to go to the Y that day. Instead, he added to me that the Blackhawks have won two in a row and eagerly flipped the channel to the Hawks vs. Blues game--a sporting event far more entertaining than the abortion of a football game that was Jags vs. Titans. On a side note, ESPN should feel extreme remorse for making the American public watch Kerry Collins and Trent Edwards sling the football around for two hours, my god. But anyway, it occured to me last night that this Blackhawk bandwagon craze has scooped up about everyone in the Chicagoland area: my Dad who can't tell the difference between a power-play and a power-drill, and myself included. I used to be the kid who flipped between SportsCenter and Saved By the Bell during mornings before school, only watching my boy Zach Morris and the rest of the SBtB crew rule the halls of Bayside High during the prolonged sessions of hockey highlights during ESPN's flagship program. Now, I find myself tuning in to watch the Hawks regularly, and I routinely question the differences in motive between the 12 year old version of myself, and the mature, specimen of a human being that I have become at the age of 22.

After Perron notched his second goal for the Blues in the 3rd period and the Blackhawks found themselves trailing by a deuce in the middle of the 3rd last night, I thought of asking my dad to join me in an impromptu family living room version of the popular student section chant, "This game's ovahh, clap-clap, clap-clap-clap." But, being the rational human being that I am, I decided against it. And boy, did the Hawks prove me wrong. Marian Hossa singlehandedly dominated the 3rd period and tied the game himself with two goals within two minutes late in the last period. Now if the Cubs were trailing a few runs with 3 innnings to go? Yea, I'd probably still watch the game, but I'd have the same optomism for a win that Scott Peterson has for paroll. Perhaps that's why Chicago has so quickly fell in love with the Hawks like a couple of college undergrads after a half-assed introduction and a handful of $2.00 U-Call-Its. Maybe it's the resilience of the Hawks that keeps you tuning into a game where the main object of the sport (the puck) is 1/1,000,000,000 of the TV screen. Or maybe we are all just hopelessly awaiting for Comcast Sports Net to get us a camera shot of Kane's sisters in the audience...maybe that's just me.

But the attitude that the Hawks wear on the sleeves of their sweaters is something that is refreshing to see. They have guys who come to the rink to compete every night, regardless of score, regardless of pain, regardless of anything. Take for example, Patrick Kane. If Kane didn't bring the effort he routinely does every night, we'd all be reading Mike Imrem editorials in the Herald entitled "Under the Influence, Over-Paid" or "Candy Gamed Kane". But we let him parade around the streets of Buffalo beating helpless cabbies like Jan Radecki senseless over a few loose nickels and dimes because when that horn sounds in the UC--he's all hockey, all the time, and that is what the Blackhawks have come to represent. Hardworking guys who have bad memories and short fuses, who would trade in their athletic cups for another shot at 'the cup'. I'm going to keep tuning into Hawks games until something changes. And I don't see that happening anytime soon under Q and his mustache.

As for Pick of the Day, considering David Garrard was benched in the 2nd quarter and the Jags didn't have a passing touchdown in the first half, it's safe to say that the Pulse Man covered the under on the 1.5 TD's bet from Garrard. Tomorrow, he likes the Phillies over the Giants tomorrow night at (+105).

Pick of the Day: Phillies @ Giants- PHILLIES (+105)

Record:(25-19-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

One for the Century

Michael Jordan is once again turning heads in the NBA community. No, don't kid yourselves, the Bobcats aren't a relevant team. And no, he's not trying to justify that Kwame Brown was an outstanding player who was the victim of great expectations (he never lived up to his hype, nor could he ever finish the Dickens novel). Instead, MJ recently declared that he could drop a Benjamin in one game in today's NBA. Lately Jordan has been vocal in criticizing the league's lack of defensive intensity in comparison to the era in which he transformed the game, and has also stepped out against LeBron's 'decision' to become allies with his closest rivals instead of pursuing a championship with the team he had around him (Jordan won a title in '92 w/ Cliff Levingston, Chuck Nevitt and Rory Sparrow?!? all on the same team). But, to say he could drop a 'wilt' in professional basketball. Well we'll just have to Analyze This like were Robert DeNiro and Billy Crystal.

It's a safe assumption to proclaim that His Airness was the best scorer in the history of the modern NBA (30.1 PPG, 10 scoring titles, stats aren't really necessary here). More importantly, Jordan dropped 50 39 times in his career! And, this was the height of the competitive NBA when he was being guarded by Joe Dumars, Dennis Johnson and John Starks--he wasn't exactly pulling up on Andrea Bargnani off of a switch on a high pick-and-roll. If anyone watched the game in which Kobe had his infamous 81 point, 2 assist performance against the Raptors in 2006, you'd know that given the proper opportunity, Jason McElwain could have dropped 50 on the deplorable Toronto defense that night. In a completely different era, Jordan hung 63 in the Boston Garden in round 1 of the playoffs, had 50 and 55 in consecutive playoff games in '88 vs. the Cavs (poor Craig Ehlo, look at that haircut), and scored 50 in the NBA finals twice. Jordan was going at an entirely different animal than today's free-wheeling, first one within 35 feet sends up a prayer NBA--a whole new can of worms if you will (shout out Matt DeMars).

Granted there are some stoppers in the league today, but I don't trust any of them to hold Mike under the Centrum when that man is possessed. It's a fact, Marcus and Jeffrey Jordan can spend a 100 thou in the Vegas Palms in 2 hours, and their dad can still drop a century in MSG with Roger Mason draped all over him Reynolds Wrap--plain and simple. All I'm waiting for now is someone in the current NBA to call him out, 23 to reveal his Jordan XXXVIII's, sign a 10 day contract with the Bobcats and prove that he could still do it at 47. The Bobcats could use the publicity, and the NBA could use a slice of humble pie.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man suffered a dismal weekend in terms of betting. He failed to clear any of the 3 bets from the Saturday 6 Pack and then blew the Sunday Teaser like a member of the Milwaukee Brewer bullpen. Either way, tonight he likes the under on David Garrard's total TD passes set at 1.5 for (-155).

Pick of the Day: David Garrard total TD Passes-1.5 UNDER

Record:(24-19-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Sea-Sick

What a scene it must be have been in Seattle today. Dread-locked liberals slamming $9.00 Vodka-Crans at the Space Needle Observatory Deck, hippies playing the Nirvana Nervermind CD as loud as the stereo can go in their Hyundai Sonata, and then parading around Key Arena single-file draped in Gary Payton replica jerseys shouting "Bring Back our Supersonics". After all, the Seahawks won a road game against a team not named the the St. Louis Rams for the first time since December 2, 2007 (seriously, look it up). Today they can disregard the fact that they lived in a rain-soaked city in Washington state that smells like bad coffee and reheated fish tacos. Unfortunately, this day of Seattleite euphoria comes at the expense of the Chicago Bears and their fans, two of which I saw suffocating their post-game sorrows with a 4,000 calorie burger at Five Guys. But, a silver lining remains--the NFC North has morphed from one of the most competitive divisions in football to a branch of teams whose leader can barely keep their head above water.

Just when we thought Favre and the Vikes were just a few pieces short (no pun intended) of putting together another storybook season, they're back to 2-3 (2 games behind the Bears). When we all thought the Packers were the division's runaway favorite, they have more people hurt than were injured in the production of Murderball, which has given Wisconsinites a reason to complain to no end (hey, if you don't like injuries, I hear that Milwaukee is in the running for a WNBA expansion squad, so there). And just when you were about to count out the 1-5 Lions, they return rejuvenated in 2 weeks cured from the "Staff infection" that has plagued them since the 2nd quarter of week 1. Although the Bears are still in the NFC North driver's seat, they seem to trying to send a mass text while operating the vehicle and if they're not careful could be headed towards a disastrous accident with a stationary object.

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Sunday Tesaer

The Pulse Man likes the Chargers, Bears and Raiders for his 7-point Sunday Teaser. Let's make it happen

Street-wise

It's the third Friday in October, and for that reason, most Chicago sports fans are presumably thinking about how Illinois managed to recruit an African American quarterback with the last name Scheelhasse (sounds like a member of the Gestapo), why Northwestern lacrosse players aren't half as lewd as Duke lacrosse players, and how is it that the Texas Rangers can have a skipper who got caught with coke yet they make it to the LCS and neither Chi-town club can sniff (no pun intended) an October baseball game. While all those were interesting story lines sometime this fall, the first cool breeze of October may remind us of a few things: it's not windbreaker weather anymore (put away your track jackets Pulse Man), and college basketball season is lurking in the near future. During these next few days in mid-October is generally when teams begin to participate in organized practice. What a great time of year--3 hours in Assembly Hall listening to Bruce Webers strangled voice..ehh, not for me. A little pre-season trash talk between the new coaches from Chi-State and UIC..ok, let's get this thing going.

Normally, I would reference the point that both Chicago St. and UIC are meaningless programs to me. Neither school has been relevant since pogs and beanie babies controlled my life in the mid 90's and Chicago St. making fun of UIC is like Creed calling Nickelback lame or Snooki telling Jessica Simpson to "go read a book". But, with 3 of the 4 city slickers (DePaul, UIC, Chicago St./ No Loyola) under new winter management, I suppose we can entertain the idea that a rivalry could be a good thing and a little bad blood is just what the doctor ordered (once again, no pun intended).

Chicago St.'s new coach, Tracy Dildy was once a player at UIC himself and then went on to be an assistant coach for the Flames for a few seasons. However, somewhere during his "educational career" someone forget to explain the theory of logical rationale to T. Diddy. He recently made the brash presumption that "UIC is scared to play Chicago St." and that is why they took the mighty green Cougars who were perennially one of the worst D-1 schools in the country not long ago, off the schedule this year. First of all, the two teams haven't met since the 2005-06 season and even then, it was a meaningless game between 2 sub .500 teams. Also, that game generated less buzz than a public intox ticket in Old Town. You couldn't have given Sweet Dick Willie from "Do the Right Thing" a free 40 oz Camo Ice to attend that game. Perhaps with both teams trying to rebuild a new face for their program, it would have been nice to see the rivalry restored but to tell UIC that they're 'scared' of Chicago St.'s talented bunch that went a whopping (9-23) last year and last to Olivet Nazarene AT HOME...I don't think so T. Diddy. Maybe you wanted to settle an old score with Howard Moore, or wanted a chance to get back at your alma mater. But publicly calling out UIC has a better chance of getting settled in a back alley off Diversey Parkway rather than at the Pavilion or the Jones Center.

As for Pick of the Day, K-State made a statement in Lawrence last night beating their in-state rivals 59-7 giving Pulse Man his 24th win. It's Friday again, and that means its time for the Pulse Man to drain the contents of another Saturday 6 pack and fall asleep on his parent's couch while leaving the oven on again. The picks of the week are posted below.

Saturday 6 Pack:

2 Team Parlay:
1. NC State @ East Carolina (+7.5), ECU
2. Arkansas @ Auburn, Total Points (60.5)-UNDER


3 Team Parlay:
1. Iowa @ Michigan- IOWA, moneyline
2. Ohio St. (-4) @ Wisconsin- OSU
3. Air Force (-1) @ San Diego St.- AIR FORCE

'Big Ticket' Pick of the Day:
SMU (+1.5) @ Navy- SMU

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

October 14th- 'Oh, What a NIght'

Today, as many of you have hopefully already realized after putting in a full-day selling insurance, helping people help people at your logistics job, or simply lying on your 3 piece sofa going hard at a box of Triscuits,today is October 14th. Some of you fashion virtuosos may know the fourteenth day in the tenth month as the birthday of designer Ralph Lauren (happy 71 Ralphie). More likely, if you read this blog, you realize that it is Stacy Kiebler's 31st today and you sent her an email wishing her a happy birthday that reeked of desperation and abstinence. Or, you could have simply opted to send Usher a "Oh myyyyyyyyyyy, gosh, you're 32!?!?!" tweet and called it a Thursday. However, what most of you didn't wake up and associate with 10/14 is that it was the date that Steve Bartman cast the inveterate shadow over the left field foul line at Wrigley Field. Bartman (swear to god I first typed 'batman') reaffirmed to everyone that the combination of a green turtleneck and a Walkman can get you killed in public, and also forever gave us a reason to remember Moises Alou besides the fact that he openly admitted to urinating on the appendages at the end of his arms. Thinking about Bartman, and then thinking about where the Cubs franchise is at right now might make you lose the Nacho Chessiers and 4 'fun size' Snickers you had for lunch. But 7 years removed from the incident, if we have any grip on reality at all, we realize that blaming Bartman this whole time made us look like we were using scapegoating as a defense mechanism like a bunch of woebegone, pre-teen misfits.

I'm not saying Bartman wasn't in the wrong. I can't sit here and type that if Bartman doesn't flounder over that foul, fly-ball that things would've been different. That's just a wish right? A presumption if you will, which is the one things that Cubs fans do best. We say things like "If it wern't fa dat mohr-on f*%#2-in up dat flyball, we woulda bin in da series" or "Sorian-oh man, always hoppin around like a BUM, that guy's got a rag-ahmmmmmmmm, what a piece of s*^#, how much do we pay dat shmuck?" It's almost as if Bartman was predestined to be one of God's most pathetic creatures--a Cub fan. The kind of guy who actually believes that ballplayers like Terry Mulholland and Aaron Miles can be a part of 'next year'. The people who wave their W flag below the stars and stripes some 75 times a year (rough estimate of next year) and raise their child's baseball career on the imprecise insight of Ron Santo.

All that October 14, 2003 and the allegations of Steve Bartman as public enemy did was cement in time another date that people will bear in mind about the Cubs choking like when Karin Kinsella when she fell off the Field of Dreams bleachers. People outside the city don't remember Alex Gonzalez booting that ground-ball that would have ended the inning had he turned a routine double play, or they forget that we sent Prior and Wood (32-17 combined in '03) to the mound in consecutive games only needing one win and came up short, or that they were up 5-3 at one point during game 7. It's all wash, all we think about is Bartman. A 35 year old Notre Dame High School graduate who refused a $25,000 purse and refused to autograph a picture of himself for the National Sports Collectors Convention. God knows he needed the money, and god knows Chicago needs the Cubs.

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Football Flirtin'

The table was set--salad forks, real forks, butter knives, steak knives, the whole works. Fresh bottle of red, bread rolls steaming under a quadruple quilted napkin, you could almost taste it. All we needed was the two teams to show up for their 'big date'. Even though Northwestern and Michigan State aren't the flashiest of Big 10 foes, they would have made for an interesting tryst. Both teams would seemingly be heading into the game undefeated with some definite flaws still exposed. Perhaps Northwestern's side of the date had a receding hairline (leading rushing back is a guy named Arby Fields at 160 yards??? Sounds like he should be opening for Big & Rich) and didn't exactly have the most steady of jobs (haven't won a bowl game since the Rose Bowl in 1949, and haven't won the Big 10 since 2000). On the other side of the innumerable text conversations that potential couples now go through before their first date is Michigan St., a modest woman who recently proved herself to be hotter than her best friend (MSU whoops on Michigan last week)the last time you saw her out after a gin mottled happy-hour. But, she hasn't really been in the 'dating pool' recently herself, and just two weeks ago you only were speaking with her to get an in with her roommate who was seemed to be more attractive (Michigan) before she started an unwarranted crying tirade around midnight and took a cab home from the party (Michigan looked terrible last week). It could have been a magical date. Dinner, drinks, more drinks, grind session, more drinks, cab ride home,late night make out, invite upstairs ;). That's how first dates always go right? Well, not for me, and not this one either.

Instead, Northwestern had to crash the party and showed up noticeably inebriated at home against Purdue last week with spilled beer painting the collar of their shirt and sweating like he just ran a 5K. Northwestern had quickly burst into the top 25 after starting from humble beginnings. Nobody expected much of them at the beginning of the season, but they escaped @ Vanderbilt in week 1, then beat up on ISU, Rice, Central Michigan and Minnesota to find themselves at 5-0, needing only a home win versus a Purdue team who had already lost to Toledo earlier this season to place themselves in a date with undefeated Michigan St., and national television. Dan Persa had been a magician thus far and had Heisman numbers (1,663 yds., 173.27 QB rating, 10 TDS) but didn't get any looks like his conference foe Denard Robinson because he plays for a school with more Fields Medal winners than NFL players.

On the other side of the ball, Sparty has used some trickery to stay undefeated and look to be a competitor who nobody thought would hang around heading into the thick of the Big 10 title race. The only thing that worries me about Sparty is that they can't channel the motivation stemming from their coaches heart attack all season long like some bizarro Lou Brown from Major League incident. It's a great storyline, and it looks like MSU will coast into Kinnick Stadium on October 30th toting an undefeated record and will surely give Iowa a test. Either way, it would have been a dream date for Northwestern to match up with the undefeated Spartans. Thanks to Purdue being the grenade that had to drag home a vulnerable, half in the bag Wildcat team last Saturday, I guess we'll never know.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man is up against the ropes again after yet another loss as his record is crab-walking its way back to .500. For tomorrow, he likes Kansas St. taking down in-state rival Kansas in Lawrence Thursday night at (-150). Purple power.

Pick of the Day: Kansas St. @ Kansas- K-STATE(-150)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Record:(23-19-0)

Board to Death

First and foremost, if you haven't seen the hit that Niklas Hjalmarsson laid on the Sabres' Jason Pomminville last night, take a look at the video real quick before you continue.

Now, media outlets everywhere have been coming down hard on Niklas Hjalmarsson's house-cleaning hit in the Hawks game from Monday night. People have referred to the hit as malicious, unnecessary, and vengeful. But, it seems as if nobody has taken into account the situation in which the incident occurred, or the player who was involved before these people started 'jumping to conclusions' like Tom Smykowski in Office Space. Hjalmarsson, or 'HJ' as I affectionately refer to him as, is typically an even-keeled, Sweed defenseman who gets his job done on the ice and doesn't provide many notable soundbites afterward (perhaps we just don't understand them because they're in Sweedish). Still, in a pivotal moment in the hockey game Monday night, with his Stanley Cup defending Blackhawks down a goal in the first period, HJ brought the wood to a defenseless defender (kinda ironic isn't it) who he anticipated would have the puck, and proceeded to knock him unconscious. After the hit, the Sabres and Hawks instantly began exchanging four letter words and four knuckle shuffles around the right circle and HJ was later given an exit ticket from HSBC Arena from the game's officials.

Now, was the play deserving of a penalty? Absolutely. Should he have been ejected? Possibly. But if Pomminville had rose to his feet and skated off the ice in his own power, would HJ be taking translated phone calls from the NHL commissioners office this morning and be a subject of constant criticism by every wannabe hockey safety advocate in the greater Buffalo area? Not a chance. What people need to realize is that HJ didn't go head hunting for Pomminville. He doesn't have an ongoing quarrel with Jason about his wife's whereabouts from a few Friday's back, and he didn't just level him because his last name sounds like an unincorporated village in upstate New York, he was just a victim of a violent hit in a violent game. Just like Chubbs Peterson's mom not signing the football permission slip because she thought it would be too dangerous, Pomminville shouldn't have laced up his sweater if he didn't know the dangers of professional hockey. Deciphering the difference between an aggressive hit and a malicious melee are about as difficult to tell apart as Ronde and Tiki Barber in pro hockey. Hockey players define their own sport--tough, gritty warriors. The kind of guys that get double digit stitches and are still probable for return, the kind of guys who still play despite their dental infrastructure looking like they were raised in the same Louisiana trailer park as those pro-insest maniacs who escaped from an Arizona prison in August.

Even after all of that, what disappointed me most may have been the yellow-bellied actions that recently caped Captain America, Ryan Miller took part in after the game. Instead of defending his player on the ice and throwing his weight around like our Captain Jonathan Toews did, Ryan Miller sat in his American flag boxers in the Sabres locker room and advocated suspending Hjalmarsson and openly questioned his motives to a bunch of sweaty journalists wearing short-sleeved floral button-downs holding CASIO 128MB Recording Devices to his mouth. I don't care how many lbs. of pads you have on Ryan, take off your mask and defend your boy like a hockey player if you want to say something. Not even an Olympic shutout can rescue you from that act pantywaist patsying.

As for Pick of the Day, that 4th quarter Brett Favre pick 6 led to the Jets covering the spread through the backdoor (no pun intended). Today, in the only game 5 of the divisional round of the MLB playoffs, Pulse Man likes the Rays to slay Cliff Lee, the Rangers former cocaine-addict manager, the Rangers former cocaine-addict Centerfielder, and the rest of George Bush's boys at (-115).

Pick of the Day: Rangers @ Rays. RAYS (-115)

Record: (23-18-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

First and the Worst

I swear I was getting ready to be done poking fun at Todd Collins and his arthritic back. I wasn't going to ridicule him for his loose-sleeved jersey from the Jeff Hostetler era that only Brett Favre can wear nowadays, and even then you have to be a grandfather who sends illicit PIX messages of his flaccid penis and stumbling, inelegant voicemails to team media personnel in order to make it look presentable. Collins admitted to having one of "the worst games of his career on Sunday afternoon" and he was probably right. Unless he previously registered a QB rating lower than the Cook County sales tax percentage and completed 2/3 as many passes to the wrong team as he did his own, I'd say that Todd's 'self analysis' was pretty on point.

But the bears prevailed based on the fact that they played a team in Carolina that couldn't beat the Jeff Garcia and Maurice Clarrett led Omaha Nighthawks of the UFL the way they played yesterday. Matt Forte chewed up the putrid Panthers D by gaining 188 yards of total offense, and tying the Panthers scoring output for the entire game with one run from scrimmage in the 1st quarter. Granted, the Panthers are a bad team, maybe the worst of teams, but that doesn't change the fact that the Bears are standing alone on top of the NFC North like a stag date at their senior prom. At 4-1 with another abject of a football team awaiting them next on their schedule (Seahawks), the Bears are where nobody they thought they would never be moving forward in the 2nd quarter of the NFL season. Not even a gypsy with a set of tarot cards could have predicted the Packers to be in the shape their in, looking like the Emergency Care Unit at the local infirmary, and the Vikings All-American Boy QB un-zippering the fly of his Wranglers to take cell phone pictures for a girl only 4 years older than his own daughter.

Whatever happens during the rest of the NFL season, nothing can outdo the overall misfortune that has occurred to our rivals and Green Bay, and there is no way that anything can outrival the bizarre circumstances that are occurring in the Twin Cities. From here on out, if the Bears take care of business in the next few weeks against Seattle and Buffalo (blaming Canada is not an excuse to losing to the Bills), it is feasible that they only need to win 3 more games the rest of the year to get them into the playoffs with 9 wins. With the NFC West collectively being as pathetic as pop-singer La Roux's haircut, and the NFC East boasting only a couple of legitimate threats (one of which starts a volatile running back who threw his helmet in the stands and a coach who turns into a human tomato when the temp drops below 50),the Bears can sneak in the backdoor of the playoffs earning one of the two Wild Card positions if they do come apart at the seams like a pair of old Keds in the season's second half. I guess we'll all just hope and play (or hope and pray), the rest of the season.

As for Pick of the Day, the 'Saturday 6 Pack' was again a relative success in the fact that we haven't been shutout completely from covering one of the bets in all of the weeks so far this season. For tonight, the Jets/Vikings game has more subplots than the movie The Social Network and should be an interesting game to watch. Favre has made a career out of overcoming adversity, first with the pain pills, and now with the sex addiction, he is getting more in common with Brett Michaels every day. Add a VH1 miniseries in which he courts a coup of trailer-park prostitutes around Kiln, Mississippi (best pic I've ever found online)bailing hay as he eliminates each girl when they cant run a skinny-post to perfection, they're pretty much the same guy. With that being said, the Pulse Man likes Favre and the Vikes to cover the (4.5) spread in New Jersey tonight.

Pick of the Day: Vikings (+4.5) @ Jets- VIKINGS (-105)

Record:(23-17-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Ice, Ice, Baby

First of all, sorry for the title. I had no intention to get you thinking about Vanilla Ice's retched karaoke performance on 'The Surreal Life'. I'm promoting crew neck Miami Hurricanes sweatshirt "with my rag-top down so my hair can blow" Vanilla. In any event, it's pushing 80 degrees in Chicago right now, so it's clear that hockey season is now upon us. With the Blackhawks starting what hopes to be another successful season, we can expect to once again read more ill-advised facebook statuses from college aged females than ever before, i.e. "Hawks game, then girls night with ______, KD love:) I like it on the ice baby!!!!", and hear the song from that damn Amstel Light commercial ringing in our ears ad nauseum. However, you can't blame the Blackhawks for having their bandwagon grow as crowded as a Ford Winstar heading to Panama City Beach in mid-March, they won the cup, and won over hockey aficionados everywhere. The Blackhawks 2010 season proved that winning outweighs any clever marketing scheme concieved by a bunch of corporate dorks, and having a few players that relate to your whiskey-nose, young 20's, free-spirited mentality definitely doesn't inhibit jersey sales.

But the Hawks aren't the same team they were a year ago. Many things have changed--thank god the 'Ice Girls' aren't one of them. First things first, they have a diffrerent man in net. From what I know about hockey and the NHL, you're only as good as your last line of defense. I guess this theory holds true in most sports, but a certain amount of credence and trusteeship must be instilled in your homwetown hockey goalie. We effortlessly made the shift from Antti Niemi to Uncle Marty in a move that saved the Hawks some money in their efforts to stay below the salary cap. Hopefully, Uncle Marty turns into the kind of fun-loving fathers-brother who splashes your Diet Coke with a little Jack D at the family Christmas table and gifts you with gift cards to DICK's rather than a fly fishing kit and a sweater he got off clearance at Kohls. Turco never surrendered a losing season in Dallas for the Stars (still can't believe they left Minneapolis after that plug Gordon Bombay gave them in D1) and is definitely a formidable and capable replacement in goal for the Blackhawks.

As far as offense goes, the Blackhawks were the 3rd highest scoring team in the league last season. But after the Madison Ave. garage sale that occured earlier this summer, don't expect this year's team to be netting goals on command like Jaromir Jagr did in every single hockey video game that was ever issued to the public prior to 2005. The 3rd amigo in Chicago's infamous first line is now Fernando Pisdani as he will be accompanying Sharp and Kane and likely get some 'scoring' (pun absolutely intended) opportunities on that shift as a result. Spelling them will be the the rock solid line of Kopecky-Toews-Hossa which has become as uniform in Chicago as $3.50 slice deals at Rosatis, and hopefully just as satisfying.

On the other side of the blue line, Duncan Keith and his lack of respect for the small,calcified, whitish strcutures in his mouth was awarded the coveted coverboy for the NHL11 video game this fall and he will once again be the anchor of the Blackhawks defense. With the loss of Brett Sopel, the Hawks rid themselves of arguably the worst skater in the NHL, but also a guy that would take a puck in the adams apple for the Hawks. Still, there will be no shortage of sliding puck blocks (easily the best play in hockey) with Campbell, Seabrook and Niklas Hjalmarsson protecting Marty Turco.

Overall, there will unquestionably be some sort of hangover due to the gallons of Busch Light that were drank by Kane and Co. this summer and hopefully no illegitamate children are a result of the last 3 months. No team has repeated as holders of the cup since the division-rival Red Wings pulled it off in the late 90's, but god knows everyone in Chicago will be talking about how big of a Hawks fan they are, so I suppose I'll get out my Zamboni's CD and keep my eyes peeled for the Hockey Monkey.

As for Pick of the Day, The Pulse Man is struggling heading into the weekend. But when the baseball playoffs do you wrong, there's nothing like a good 6 pack to ease your mind of betting debt. The Pulse Man's Saturday 6 pack is listed below, with the Sunday Teaser soon following on S-A, T-U-R, D-A-Y, NIGHT!

Saturday 6 Pack

2 Team Parlay:
1. Alabama (-7) @ South Carolina- BAMA
2. Minnesota @ Wisconsin- Combined Total Points 58- UNDER

3 Team Parlay:
1. Michigan St. @ Michigan- MICHIGAN, moneyline
2. BYU (+4.5) @ San Diego St.- BYU
3. Aurburn @ Kentucky- AUBRUN, moneyline

'Big Ticket Pick of the Day':
USC @ Stanford-Combined Total Points, 59-OVER

Record: (23-17-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

A True 'Collins Mix'

Well, what we all were afraid of is inching closer and closer to actualization. At the end of the preseason when the Bears sent Dan LeFevour off into the most Twiiter friendly locker room in professional sports with the Cincinatti Bengals, and consequently signed the aging fossil that is Tom Collins, who weirdly enough sports a Fossil Textured Blue-to-Mirror Dial Watch, I knew the Bears were flirting with disaster. One big hit, one freak injury, one diabetic flare-up and Jay Cutler would be sent to the sidelines and in would jog Todd Collins and every clueless, female Bears fan would ask "Is that the detective from CSI: Miami?" and every male would respond, "Nope, that's Todd "f*%@-ing Collins, our new quarterback!" weeping with his head in his hands. The Bears knew what they were getting with Todd, a perennial backup quarterback who they wouldn't have to mature into the NFL lifestyle, because he did that himself as a rookie in 1995 when "Total Eclipse of the Heart" was being recorded onto cassette tapes all over the United States. But, through all of this, he is now our starting quarterback in possibly the most vulnerable position of the season for the Bears. They play a desperate 0-4 team with a rookie QB and nothing to lose. The same team that came within 3 minutes of beating the defending Super Bowl Champs and "Brees-us" (as in Jesus) just a week ago.

There are 3 possible scenarios for how this game could turn out, and with the spirit of the Collins surname in mind, I decided to correlate each of the 3 possible ways this game could unfold with one of Phil Collins' 3 most popular singles. The vexing, ominous tale of a man who witnesses a murder in "In the Air Tonight", the how am I possibly enjoying this but I can't stop dancing "Sussudio", and the remake of the classic Supreme's hit single "You Can't Hurry Love" which has a joyful rhythm and chorus, but the lyrics impart that we should practice elementary virtues like patience and compromise (who does that?).

First, and what is likely to be the most realistic, Collins' performance in Carolina Sunday could give us the feel of a graveyard undertaker like "In the Air Tonight". His eerie lyrics and constant repetition of the phrase "oh lorrrrrrd" could represent the feelings of Bear fans everywhere whenever Collins drops back to pass on both of his surgically repaired legs Sunday afternoon. There has always been a certain ambiguity about this Phil Collins hit. In fact, its popularity possibly stemmed from the ambiguity of the lyrics and is likely a representation of a murder. If Collins' appearance last week could be described as anything, I would venture to say it represents a murder. And for those 10 seconds in which he lied there motionless on the turf after the Giants D end nearly ended his playing career last week are any indication of things to come, let's all prepare for...(gulp) a murder.

Telling Lyric: "So you can wipe of that grin, I know where you've been, it's all a pack of lies" Phil Collins 'In the Air Tonight'

But, you never know. The Panthers are 0-4 for a reason--they suck. No doubt about it. The 'Matt Moore Experiment' which sounds like a pilot for ABC family coming up next fall in which a veteran coach and a new girlfriend try to jump-start a terrible QB's career was a calamity in every sense of the word. The Jimmy Clausen era has gotten an early start in Charlotte but still hasn't yielded a win for the desperate Panthers. So, in facing an average defense and winless group in Carolina, Todd Collins can go out there and sling the ball around and have some fun without the thought of breaking his neck, or his ex-wife being in the lower section giving secrets of his lack of sexual endowment to die-hard Panther fans (if they even exist). Todd Collins' performance can somehow resemble the playful Phil Collins hit, "Sussudio", a song about chasing around a young woman and catching that 'lightning in a bottle' that has eluded Todd Collins for his entire career. Maybe Sunday's game will inject the youth back into the geezer that Todd Collins has become. Maybe.

Telling Lyric: "I've just got to have her, have her now, I've got to get close but I don't know how" Phil Collins, "Sussudio"

And lastly, it is also entirely possible that Collins has a modest performance in which he neither wins, nor loses the game for the Bears, but the Bears come up on the short of the proverbial stick. Maybe Collins puts up Cutler-esque numbers, but also makes some Cutler-like mistakes in the process leaving us feeling like we just ordered a Coke that tastes an awful lot like RC Cola. Sometimes remakes are good, but rarely if ever are they as good as the original (except in the case of Joni Mitchell's 'Big Yellow Taxi'--that song is pure noise and the remake is well, good). But, in this case I have to give the benefit of the doubt to the Supremes, Phil. Your remake was decent, but in the end nobody wants to hear a guy say "You just have to wait, love don't come easy, it's a game of give and take". Those are girls lyrics plain and simple, and in the end, Todd Collins belongs on the Chicago Bliss of the Lingerie Football league, not the Chicago Bears.

I hope I don't have to see the clock wind down on Sunday and see an indifferent Lovie Smith as Clausen parades around the sidelines with a game ball, receiving hugs and pounds from his teammates while he pre-orders rounds of shots for his O-line at the bar down the street from the stadium. I really hope I don't have to see that, but it's a very distinct possibility.

As for Pick of the Day, the jury is still out on the Rays/Rangers game 2 but at the time of this post, the Rangers are up 6-0. So, trying to get a win for the day, the Pulse Man will ride with the Sox's division rival Twins getting a win at home against the Yanks tonight. The Twins are home dogs at (+107) but I know some friends from college at the game so I'll give the Twinks the benefit of the doubt.

Pick of the Day: Yankees @ Twins- Twins, moneyline (+107)

Record: (23-16-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Exhibition-A

Needless to say, Tuesday, October 5 was a slow TV night. I was grappling with the galling decision of whether to tune into Burn Notice on UPN power 50 or sit and be enthralled by 48 minutes of meaningless preseason basketball. I thought that either would undoubtedly be a waste of time, but after a great deal of thought, I ultimately knew better than to tune into former USA melodramas on Tuesday, it's a very slippery slope into mental illness. And, after watching Thibodeau's debut as the Bulls czar, I was satisfied although they lost to the Milwaukee Bucks in what seemed to be a relatively competitive preseason game. Then again, Skiles would have a hard time taking a loss in minesweeper, especially against his former employer. Still, even in Boozer's absence the Bulls showed promise in a lot of different aspects of the game.

First off, Kyle Korver was living the preseason dream and looked like the consummate 'good glue guy' last night. Although his playing attire was horrifically appalling, (who honestly told him that high, black socks looked decent on white players with below average speed? Inevitably someone at Creighton, after all it's in Nebraska) he was running the floor hard in transition to spot up, hitting 15-17 footers consistently, and running his defender (Chris Kramer) off of screens like he was the extra playing the who had to guard Jimmy Chitwood in Hoosiers.Korver was 7-12 from the field, 1-1 from 3 and 7-7 from the stripe. That's a pretty efficient performance off the bench for ol' #26. And as always, his jumper was as pure as Michael Smith's voice when he tells those "what if I told you..." stories to intro the week's 30 for 30. Along the same lines, Luol Deng also looked impressive in his 2010 debut. Perhaps Thibodeau's defensive scheme is catered to Deng and his rangy skill set as nicely as Portillo's chocolate cake is catered to people who can't control their cholesterol. Deng finished with 16 in the box score but more importantly, neither him or Korver committed a turnover. Perhaps no longer are the days in which the Bulls take care of the ball as if it were the empty bag of Fritos that Jerry Krause inhaled during the pregame warmup

Perhaps I was so pleased because after last night, based on roster alone, the Bucks became my 3rd favorite team in the NBA (Bulls, Thunder, Bucks). They without a doubt have one of the most intriguing casts of characters in the history of the NBA. Take for example, the two longest surnames in the NBA (Douglas-Roberts, Mbah a Moute) both call Milwaukee home. I thought the jokes about people with two first names were moronic, but think about the abuse Chris Douglas-Roberts takes on the road from feeble-minded fans, I'm cringing just thinking about that imprudence. Throw in the two players with the greasiest hair in the league (Bogut and Ilyosova) and you have the Milwaukee frontcourt. I know these guys are large and foreign, but I just see the shoulders of their tailored suits littered with colonies of dandruff when they board the plane for road trips. The Bucks also have a player who once sported a rat-tail by choice (Drew Gooden) and a player with goatee that hangs below his adams-apple (Salmons). Those are some interesting characters confined to one locker room. Add the shortest guy in the league since Muggsy Bogues into the mix (Earl Boykins) and a guy that once tried pumping up the crowd while simultaneously halting a massive rush of blood from his nasal passageway in college (Chris Kramer), and then my friend, you have the Milwaukee Bucks. Only in Wisconsin can you assemble a locker room with zest, unless you have a very hygienic team that uses a lot of soap.

As for Pick of the Day, Pulse Man predicted a Scott Rolen home run, and the Reds never got a hit. I guess sometimes it's just not your day. For tomorrow night, the Pulse Man likes James Shields and the Rays to even the series at 1 in the dome in Tampa. Sadly enough, Dickie V will probably be one of the sub 10,000 people in attendance and embarrassing bald men everywhere. Oh well, go Rays.

Pick of the Day: Rangers @ Rays- RAYS, moneyline (-120)

Record:(23-15-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Deserving of a Hand

Think about how many professional athletes you have seen in person, one, maybe two right? Massive, graceful, thoroughbred human beings who capture a room as soon as they walk in. You can easily define the difference when a pro walks into a room and captivates the audience as opposed to a random 6'9'' oaf from your high school, who is an all likelihood duck-footed and wearing a hodge-podge assortment of undersized clothing. Granted, the fact that this athlete is presumably African-American and ink'd up like Travis Barker is usually a dead giveaway, but still, they don't blend in with the wallpaper. Now think about how many stray gym bags you have lying around your house strategically placed around tight corners. Ironically, Carlos Boozer being the nimble-footed pro athlete that he is, still managed to supposedly 'slip' on a duffle bag and tumble into hand surgery scheduled for Wednesday. Not to mention, if you were a pro athlete, would you ever answer your own doorbell? I'm sure Boozer was just so ecstatic to see the UPS guy giving a courtesy ring that he jumped out of his seat,locked into a dead sprint towards his medieval chamber front door, and slipped on his freshly Lysol'ed kitchen floor. Sounds about as believable as Cate Blanchett's representation of Bob Dylan in I'm Not There . I'm not buyin' it.

I don't know what to say about Carlos Boozer and his off-day antics. We shunned the notion of his injury susceptibility and signed him to a 5 year contract he probably doesn't deserve, and he can't make it through an leisure day in his Deerfield mansion without fracturing a metacarpal? In case you forgot Carlos, we signed you from Utah. We rescued you from a barren wasteland of a state that the United States has seemingly forgotten. We brought you to a place where people look like you (how many 6'9'' African-Americans named Carlos are there in Salt Lake? Then again, how many are there anywhere?). We assured you that you never had to play alongside Mehmet Okur ever again? We brought you from snow and canyons to Kanye and R.Kelly (not sure if that's a good thing) and you pulled this hoodwink on us just after we all became followers of your "CBoozTheBull" twitter account. The only time you've ever put on a Bulls uniform thus far is to pose for promiscuous shoots with the luvabulls, and now you're unable to perform.

Now I don't have the slightest clue as to what actually happened. Maybe he was sour he only was slighted at 83 overall in NBA 2K10 and punched the wall after each unsuccessful post finish in an exhibition game against his son. Maybe he got his hand caught in his S100,000 car. Who knows. All I'm saying is, when a team pays you 80 mill to produce, hire someone to answer your doorbell, hire someone to open your car door, hire Louie Anderson as a personal punching bag. I don't care what you do, just make sure you produce and are still on the 'active' list after three days of offensive walk-throughs and a session on the stationary bike. It may be too early to hold a grudge on the 'Booz', but I'm sure this won't win him any high fives, (he has a broken hand) , autograph suggestions (he has a broken hand) or slap-the-backboard-layups in warmups (ad nauseum).

As for Pick of the Day, special teams came through for the Pats on Monday Night Football last night and caused John Gruden to raise his heart rate beyond reasonably normal levels. For tonight, since nothing is available to bet on against skewed outcome preseason NBA basketball, the Pulse Man has dusted off his tarot cards and urges you to bet on an MLB Futures Prop. The odds for Scott Rolen to be the player to hit the 1st home run in the Reds/Phillies series are +800, and those odds aren't that bad for a guy who has more playoff experience than anyone on the Reds. So, on an off night, go with it.

Pick of the Day: Player to hit 1st Home Run in Reds/Phillies- Scott Rolen (+800)

Record:(23-15-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Ran-sacked

If you had something better to do Sunday night around 8 o'clock, good for you. If you chose to view an abridged version of Happy Gilmore on ABC family instead of tuning into NBC for Sunday Night Football, wise choice. Even if you DVR'd a few eps of The Good Wife and spent Sunday evening getting your weekly Julianna Margulies fix, for once in your life, keeping tabs on the effects that menopausal crisis can have on middle aged women was far more exciting than anything that happened in the New Meadowlands Stadium on Sunday. Looking back, I'd rather have gone halfsies on a pack of menthols and watch the deleted scenes of Lonesome Jim with Casey Affleck. Everyone was sort of expecting some kind of fall from grace in the coming weeks but still, no one expected Cutler to feel more sacks than a public physician administering physicals in a strip-mall doctors office.

Needless to say, the Bears O-line Sunday night never really showed up. They embarrassingly allowed 10 sacks, countless hurries, and had the triumvirate of Cutler, Todd Collins and Caleb Hanie encounter more hits than funnyordie.com in a high school computer lab. After about 7 sacks, Cutler became easily frustrated and handed over the reigns to Todd Collins for the second half as the image of Kristin Cavallari fondling a bag of frozen peas over his concussed forehead became affixed in his mind. In the 2 hr. heap of inept offense and what appeared to be effectiveness on defense by default, I was curious as to who was to blame for the Bears inadequacies on the offensive side of the football. Was it the offensive line that looked quite possibly like the most easily movable 300 lb. objects in the world? Was it Cutler doing the 'stop, drop, and roll' every time he faced pressure in the pocket? Or was it Mike Martz, whose scheme against the Giants seemingly lacked any trace of a route Cutler could check down to? It had to be a mixture of the 3. Coming off a week in which the Bears had arguably their biggest win since the 2006 NFC Championship and had a lot to be proud of, they sludged through a historically dreadful output of 110 yards on national TV while looking completely unprepared in the process.

I understood to an extent that the Giants were looking to prove a point against the Bears after a disappointing 2 game losing streak that had NYC disgruntled and disheartened going into Sunday night. But, to think that at the end of the game we would have played all 3 quarterbacks on our roster, gained under 120 yards, averaged 1.4 yds. per pass, punted 9 times, went 0-13 on 3rd down and scored 3 total points was unfathomable until suffering through the hysterectomy that was Sunday Night Football.

On a brighter note, hopefully that blindside barrage of Todd Collins has spurred him toward retirement. What a garbage eater that guy is. There's a reason he's been a backup since the Cuban Missle Crisis. He is simply just awful. Always hanging around in the hotel lobby on team road trips reading The Bridges of Madison County in paperback, constantly sitting in the whirlpool to relieve his ailing back, and eternally preaching his investment strategy to Caleb Hanie when Caleb either A) only cares about the young female in the lower bowl with the low cut top and the loose curls, or B) is attentively transfixed on the trainers refilling the Gatorade cooler to see if they're funneling in his favorite flavor (presumably glacier freeze) into that giant orange jug. I refuse to give Todd Collins a chance. I pray to God Cutler's concussion symptoms subside before next week game against Carolina.

In looking forward to the Panthers matchup, if Cutler starts, we could have a faceoff between the two punkiest QB's since Ryan Leaf disappeared from the NFL. Seriously, Cutler and Clausen could be featured on a track on the next AFI CD. All I know is, the Panthers won't be a walk through win, and if the Bears drop a game in the Bible Belt next weekend and spoil Julius Peppers' homecoming, there could be a very pessimistic turn in the Bears season predictions.

As for Pick of the Day, with the ability to bet on meaningless baseball games gone, the Pulse Man has shifted into playoff baseball/football mode for the rest of the fall until the NBA picks up around Halloween. After a solid weekend in which he covered two of his 3 bets on Saturday including a 3-team parlay at (+438), The Pulse Man faces a pick-em spread in tonight's jargon laden Monday Night Football broadcast. He likes Tom Brady, his haircut, and the rest of the Pats to get a win on MNF.

Pick of the Day: Patriots @ Dolphins- Patriots (-105)

Record: (22-15-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost