Playoffs in the C-H-I

The Hawks are in. The Bulls are in. Regardless of the fact that they may have done so in the most contradictory of styles, they're both ready to embark on their 'second season'. The Bulls, in one corner, clinched the highly-regarded #1 spot on Friday night after the week that was.

To get there, they knocked off two of the Eastern Conference's top teams--the Magic and the Celtics--albeit without the NBA equivalent of John Coffee from Green Mile, Magic C Dwight Howard, it was still impressive. The Bulls have looked, for the most part, pristine. Specifically Derrick Rose, who casually dropped 39 points against Chicago's likely second round opponent and gave Omer Asik bragging rights from Istanbul to Ankara over the Magic's Hedo Turkoglu.

On the other side of the proverbial coin, the Blackhawks skated into the playoffs (no pun intended) by "the skin of their yellow country teeth." In fact, the only reason there will be any 'playoff Hawky' (shoutout @Not_RyanCLind) in the city of Chicago is because of the NHL's Minnesota team debarring of the Dallas Stars for stealing their franchise in 1993.

I guess you could say that these two Chicago sports mainstays have taken different paths this year, but in many ways still have the same aspirations. Like, for example, the starlet who once paraded around the Times Square TRL set with Carson Daly, Brittney Spears, and America's new teenage leading lady, Miss Miley Cyrus.

Much like Derrick Rose, Miley has mystified scores of men at a very young age. I mean, if we prosecuted the entire contingency of adults who have fantasized about the formerly 17-year old Miley "moving her hips like yeaa" in the "Party in the U.S.A" video, Joliet (where the jail is) might suddenly amass a higher population than Second City.

Similarly, D.Rose is about to hang the MVP trophy on his mantle at the tender age of 22--no small feat. But, like Miley, if too much pressure is thrust on Derrick too early, he might succumb to hitting some salvia as the Bulls' championship hopes sink like a silver coin. (Remember: he did have that "gang sign" picture controversy when he first entered the league, so neither are immune to the paparazzi.)

In the Blackhawks' case, their season has been as capricious as a post-Circus Brittney Spears (Circus is an album, she wasn't actually an acting member of the circus). For instance, she hit rock-bottom and went blade to scalp on her dome; an instance that can be seen as comparable to the defending Stanley Cup champions being out of the playoff picture for a decent amount of the year.

Then, she somehow resurfaced with the help of someone else (Hawks getting in by way of the Stars collapse) and went on to produce an unintelligible, inauthentic, computer-generated product that started with monologues like, "It's Brittney, b*%#@" that never lived up to her original masterful productions.

I don't watch near enough hockey to throw odds on the Blackhawks playoff chances, but when you can't get up to beat your rival in a must-win with your back against the wall, I'll send my money somewhere else.

As for the Bulls, like I said earlier, if the right circumstances fall into place, it all could happen according to plan. But, we all saw what that Billy Ray parenting/divorce/bad haircut fiasco did to a young vixen like Miley. If things go awry, the Bulls could resemble more of Jonah Hill's version of Cyrus than Miley's.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man likes Dempster to get off the shnide and out of the dumpster in Houston against the Astros tonight. I wouldn't say it's a must-win for the Cubs cannuck, but it's damn close.

Pick of the Day: Cubs @ Astros- CUBS (-129)

Record:(63-51-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

King(s) of the East

Currently, I'm watching the halftime show of the Bulls/Hawks game in which the Bulls have amassed a 29 point first half lead. So forgive me if I go off on a tangent about Brent Barry's meticulously gelled hair and window pane suit complete with the fashionable accent color handkerchief. The dude has the tightest sideburns in the broadcasting business. Can you believe this guy has participated in both the 3-point showdown and the dunk contest? Has anyone besides Brent ever done that? Not to mention, he's Caucasian and his old man looked as if he was growing a tail every time he stepped to the charity stripe. I'm not sure what his wife was thinking running around with Tony Parker; I guess some guys just can't catch a break. Either way, with Kenny "The Jet" Smith and Greg Anthony covering the NCAA tourney and taking a brief hiatus from analyzing the NBA, I sure am glad that this halftime show is over. TNT is going to blow up (no pun intended).

As for the game, for the second night in a row the Bulls are on a scoring binge comparable to a Paul Westhead team of the mid 1990's. They hung 132 on the Sacramento Queens last night and cemented the NBA's decision to contract that futile franchise in California's Central Valley. The Bulls won 132-92 last night. That's 40 points...during the 40 days and 40 nights of the Lent season. Where is Josh Hartnett when you need him? Then again, where is he when you don't need him? I haven't seen that scrub since Black Hawk Down.

With the Bulls tied for the Eastern Conference lead with the Boston Celtics, they are now attracting some extra shmooze from basketball gurus like "The Czar" Mike Fratello and Timmy Legler. Additionally, the Bulls can conceivably beat out the Celts for the 1 seed judging by their schedule from here on in. For instance, Memphis, Milwaukee, Philly, Minnesota, Detroit and Toronto in their next 6? I'd honestly rather play those teams than mow through the bottom half of the Pac-10. The talent distribution in the NBA is atrocious. Asking teams like Sacramento, Detroit and Minnesota to compete is like sending Jimmy Eat World into the studio to try and recreate Springsteen's "Born In the U.S.A." album.

With the Bulls' offensive production reaching new heights over the course of the past few days, you can only hope that they can save some legs for an extensive postseason push. With Rose leading the pack for the MVP crown and Thibs on the short list for NBA Coach of the Year, the Bulls need to remain focused and stay hungry like Kelly Clarkson after she won American Idol.

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Bosh Spice

The fact that the hashtag "#BoshSpice" was trending on Twitter was reason enough to write a nice little passion piece on how much of a fame-hungry moocher Heat forward Chris Bosh is. He has surpassed Derrick Fisher as the official "Coattail King". The fact that he shot the lowest field goal percentage by a pro (1-18) with at least 18 attempts since 1973 was pathetic. The fact that he should have won a SAG award for "Best Power Forward in a Post Defender Role" with his dramatic flop on Carlos Boozer was downright pitiful. But the fact that Chris Bosh, despite an awful performance, kept letting it fly like he was "heating up" in NBA Jam T.E and remained, without a doubt, the downright ugliest player on a floor that included an apparent seik (Carlos Boozer) and a Russian extra from a documentary on the Ottoman Empire (Zyrdunas Ilgauskas)is perhaps the most paltry of points. Although I would thoroughly enjoy devoting 3,000 words to demean every athletic and personal achievement that Chris Bosh has made in his entire life, including why on Earth the attached picture was ever taken, last night was about the Bulls.

When LeBron and Wade rushed out to an early lead while effortlessly throwing down highlight caliber dunks in transition, I'll admit, I thought the Bulls were going to struggle to keep the Heat under the 100 point benchmark, which usually spells trouble. But the Bulls depth was influential in keeping Chicago within striking distance and helped propel that massive 3rd quarter turnaround. The Bulls may have stood pat on the trade deadline, opting for a "hold the Mayo" approach in courting a new shooting guard, but Omer Asik was all over the window Thursday night. Double digit boards for the Big Turkey when people would have been satisfied just to see him put together an English sentence under his own power in September...no small potatoes.

Even though the Bulls' lead expanded and contracted more than Deena's waistline from the Jersey Shore, the Bulls held together like glue. With Bosh continuously laying bricks from all areas of the floor, the Bulls kept their bounce and used strong 3rd and 4th quarters from both Deng and Rose to help keep them in control of the game. Through every circus shot by Wade and LeBron that fell through the rim, through every worthless tidbit of Reggie Miller's analysis, the Bulls pressed on.

It's hard to describe in words what Derrick Rose does for the Bulls in the waning moments of the game, and last night was no exception. It is rare to see the poise of a cagey veteran wired into the floor game of such a young and talented megastar. He had the notion to can the deep two when the defense allotted him space, and he showed immeasurable trust in Luol by dishing him the rock in the corner with the game on the line. You'd think that by now D.Rose would have channeled his inner Stromile Swift and be understandably worried about some paternity suit or drug trafficking ring, but he has maintained his focus and stays a leg up (in my own objective opinion) in the MVP race.

And Lastly, yes, as most of you already know, Stacey King did tell me to "go to bed" last night via Twitter after I calmly told him to 'pump the breaks' following a series of utterly lame jokes. That's fine. When you lose, you lose. King Stacey-1, Chicago Sports Noise-0.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man suffered defeat at the hands of the Bulls' stifling 2nd half defense last night as they failed to cover the over. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes the new-look Knicks taking the Cavs by more than 7.5 in Cleveland. Giving them baron Davis is going to prove entirely worthless and Harangody can't save a city on his own. Cavs still suck.

Pick of the Day: Knicks (+7.5) @ Cavaliers- KNICKS

Record:(58-42-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Blazed and Confused

You've got to give it to Rip City. They've been to hell and back this year and still have managed to put out an enjoyable product for those loyal Oregonians. Their stud, Brandon Roy, who Ron Artest referred to as the "best player he's ever played against (other than his boy from Queensbridge)" has worse knees than Broadway Joe Namath. And, if that wasn't bad enough, their fabled #1 pick from a few years back has made more of a splash with his MMS messages more so than his actual on-court performance. Still, with an aging point guard with the most generic skill set in the NBA and one of the most underrated and versatile post players in the league, Portland maintains the 8 spot in the NBA's talented Western Conference.

You can go ahead and chalk up the Oden #1 overall pick as a mistake at this point. Even if he salvages his injury-riddled career that he has had thus far and turns into a cross-breed between Patrick Ewing and Dikembe Mutombo, there is no way his ceiling will eclipse that of Kevin Durant. There's just no way. But Portland hasn't used the "Ballad of Sam Bowie" or the "Omen from Oden" to keep their franchise from succeeding. Sure, they had that stretch a few years back when they could barely field a roster because the majority of their team was incarcerated. But that's over now, Rasheed's a happily retired man, Zach Randolph has resurrected his career, if not his morals, in Memphis and Darius Miles is probably filming the sequel to The Perfect Score so he can finance his next crack rock purchase. Portland has now chosen to put their team on the shoulders of Andre "Air YMCA" MIller and LaMarcus Aldridge, who exploded for an impressive 40 on the Bulls' array of below-average interior defenders last night.

Maybe I haven't watched the Blazers enough because I like to think that I have better things to do when their games air on TNT at 10:30 PM every Friday, but they truly impressed me last night. Much like the Bulls who have had to undergo most of the season without key members of the roster, the Blazers have done the same. And, again, like the Bulls, they are impressing people. Even after giving Wes Matthews the most undeserved contract in the history of professional sports this offseason (5 years, $34 mill for 16 PPG and 3 RPG), they are still holding on to playoff life. Last night, LaMarcus Aldridge solidified himself as one of the better 4's in the league in my opinion. Obviously, it didn't help that Boozer can't defend his own shadow and Taj Gibson is undersized for his position. Regardless, Aldridge was downright impressive. In watching him last night, I came to realize a few things that would make any Bulls fan cringe. First, the Bulls originally drafted Aldridge (#2 overall in '06) but then traded him to the Blazers for their picks, which in turn became Tyrus "The Human Goaltending Violation" Thomas and Viktor Khryapa, who is either the Latvian president or a power-forward who is no longer in the league. Good trade, right? Next, I came to the conclusion that Aldridge and Durant were one year apart at Texas. Imagine those two athletic freaks sharing the floor together in Austin... my god.

Overall though, I don't think last night's loss was a bad loss for the Bullies, at least not as bad as losing to the Warriors in Oakland was the game before. Rose provided the highlight of the week with his 'shoulder-blade-tap' throwdown in the 4th, and Luol had some bright moments as well. Portland is a formidable squad. But with that being said, it would have been nice to come out on top of Joel Przybilla (The Vanilla Gorilla) and the rest of the Blazers with Utah and New Orleans coming up on the schedule. The wild, wild west is a dog eat dog world.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man experienced a fairly successful Super Bowl besides the fact that he bet on his arch nemesis, Jordy Nelson, to not cover his quota and he almost ended up leaving Dallas with the MVP trophy. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes Northern Iowa in a pick em' game over Evansville in Indiana.

Pick of the Day: Northern Iowa @ Evansville (pick em)- NORTHERN IOWA

Record:(52-37-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Heat Check

For the first time in the young year of 2011, Chicago becomes 'witness' to the Holy Triumvirate. No, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit aren't making a guest appearance at Holy Name Cathedral on Saturday. Instead, LeBron, Wade and that 6'10'' left-handed extra-terrestrial roll into Chi-town still yielding the 2nd best record (30-11) in the Eastern Conference (behind Boston 29-9) despite losing two straight to the Clippers and the Nuggets. I repeat, losing to the Clippers and the Nuggets--a perpetual third-tier Western Conference bottomfeeder and a team plagued by more possible trade implications than the ever-strenuous relations between Cuba and United States. Sure, Lebron's ankle/hamstring/ego injury has sidelined him in both of these woeful losses, but this game is still one of the most anticipated regular season contests for the Bulls so far in this season's first half. Perhaps LeBron was trying to prove a point in his absence over the last week, revealing that the Heat are merely lukewarm (no pun intended) without the presence of the most explosive athlete in professional sports. Or, perhaps he's just a yellow belly (it's a tragedy nobody used this term after 1950) who can't grind through an injury for his team. By no means am I a "LeBron hater" and I promise you that I have never uttered the phrase "LeLoser", but I'll still take the latter in this case.

But this game has deeper value for the Bulls than simply one-upping LBJ as an artificial ego boost. It is a chance for the Bulls to show that they can beat both teams that they trail in the conference standings at the United Center. Last week, the Bulls proved they could outlast the Celtics behind a jubilant United Center crowd poised for a promotional Big Mac. On Saturday, they will once again have to rise to the occasion against the most top-heavy team in the history of the NBA (...and that officially marks the first time I've ever used the phrase 'top-heavy' negatively in my entire life, what a shame).

But as Derrick Rose's legend grows with each astonishing fast-break embarrassment of an opposing defender, the Bulls inch closer to becoming a legitimate contender for the Eastern Conference crown. Outside of the City of the Alamo in which the Spurs simply don't lose, and Gregg Popovich never changes facial expressions, the Bulls and Celtics are tied for the 2nd best home record in the NBA at 17-3. But, as well as they've played at home, the Bulls have lost to the Nets, Bobcats and Sixers on the road. If you didn't know any better, you would think that I was rehashing the road results of the miserable Cavaliers, who incredulously failed to score 60 points against the Lakers earlier this week. If the Bulls put one in the W column on Saturday night, even if LeBron is absent from class, it would be a statement win to the rest of the Eastern Conference. Almost a sort of "Bright Lights" (I truly am sorry for this link) welcoming to the spotlight for the new-look Bulls. Just remember the lyrics Rob Thomas so beautifully echoed through the speakers of your parents' Camry in 2004, "If the bright lights don't recede you, just turn yourself around and come on home", we know you can always win there.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man finds himself in the midst of a 2-bet plunge for the first time in 2011. In order to find a way out of his losing streak, he has put his faith in Aaron Rodgers and the Packers to dethrone the #1 seed in the NFC, or at least cover the 2.5 point spread. Often times, when everyone thinks something is going to happen, it never does (Seahawks surprising Saints last week). But in this case, I think Aaron Rodgers is going to have his "Yes, I have a mustache. Yes, I'm sleeping with Erin Andrews. And Yes, I'm the best damn quarterback in the NFC!" type of game. I don't like the Packers, but he's hard not to like. Go ahead Aaron, show Atlanta the effing belt! Packers/Bears NFC Championship would be incredible. Undoubtedly the stuff that ruins friendships. Da da da, duh da da da....GO PACK GO.

Pick of the Day: Packers (+2.5) @ Falcons- PACKERS

Record:(45-32-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

No Joak, let's Booze

I hate to be the "I told you so" guy, I really do. But in the case of the Bulls' recent winning ways, I think it is only necessary. Remember when I told you that the Bulls should try and deal Joakim Noah when his stock was sitting on top of Dante's Peak? Well, I told you so. And remember when I told you that rebounding was the most disposable stat in the NBA? I hate to sound like a repetitive Carrie Underwood, but I told you so. The Bulls have won 4 in a row and 13 out of their last 15 without their "monkey in the middle". In Noah's absence, Boozer has proved why he is one of the best 2nd round steals in the last decade. He has surprised us all with his ability to consistently finish around the rim and his all-around craftiness makes him a top candidate for a job at the local West Side Hobby Lobby as soon as the off-season hits. Take away his terribly tatted arms and bad facial hair and there really isn't much to dislike about the Boozehound.

Since he has returned from his household hand injury, Carlos has amassed numbers that solidify him as one of the better low-post presences in the East: 20.6 PPG, 9.8 RBG, 54% FG. He can clean the glass just like Joak, but he gives the Bulls a ton more on offense. Hell, Kurt Thomas gives you more on the offensive side of the ball and he's literally a rolled ankle away from a hospital bed at Northwest Memorial Hospital. I know you may like Joakim and think he's a 'great piece' for the Bulls, but it's easy to see how much better the Bulls offense flows without him dressed. Rose can run a pick and roll and actually use the screener as a viable second scoring option now. And seriously, if you're going to bring up rebounding, just ex out your browser and go watch MTV Jams for a few hours until you feel sorry for yourself. Anyone can rebound in the NBA. Look at a few of the league's top 10 rebounders: Anderson Varejao (just straight-up sucks, he might as well be Justin Guarini), Emeka Okafor (fell off the face of the Earth after UCONN) and Zach Randolph (I literally thought he was still incarcerated). There you have it. If you're going to eat 32-35 minutes for a contender, you have to do something else besides rebound. I'm sorry, this isn't the Mid Suburban League.

With the Raptors, Nets and Sixers next on the schedule, the Bullies should be able to extend this winning streak to 7 without really having to break much of a lather. The last time the Bulls played Toronto, the game was over before much of the crowd realized that the Raps traded Vince Carter, T-Mac and Chris Bosh all over the past decade only to draft Andrea Bargnani with the #1 overall pick. The only way the Raptors can make people notice them in this league is if they came out in denim uniforms for the rest of 2011. It's not a bad thought. After all, it is Canada. As for the Sixers, they only lost by a cool 45 last time they squared off against Chicago, so they should come out with a point to prove. Trust me, they won't. And lastly for New Jersey, the Bulls beat them by 9 on New Year's Eve while only shooting 39% from the field. Plus, they have Brook Lopez and Sasha Vujacic playing on the same team. If that doesn't spell defeat, I should go back and get lessons from Andrew Lay.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man has decided to throw two bets on the table tonight with his Sugar Bowl pick already in play. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes UCONN covering the 5.5 points they are getting in South Bend from ND. Kemba Walker is just straight stupid with the basketball, and I mean that in the most gratifying way possible.

Pick of the Day: UCONN (+5.5) @ Notre Dame- UCONN

Record:(42-30-0)

Now I'm done. Rack Me

Frost

Roses are Red

If it were up to Stacey King, all we would know about Derrick Rose is that he could "go upstairs" and "he's from Chicago". Good, that only narrows it down to every resident of the third largest city in the Unietd States that resides in a two story building. Thankfully, we have the gift of the national media and basketball virtuosos like Tim Legler and Chris Mullin (great player, great haircut, awful analyst) helping us formulate the "Derrick Rose for MVP" campaign that has sprung so far this season. So far this year, D. Rose has compiled some Juwanna Mann-like numbers: 24.7 PPG, 8.3 APG, 4.4 RPG. Not to mention, Derrick is sporting a 42% clip from 3! I don't even think he shot 42% from the free-throw line in his one-year tour of Memphis. Regardless, Rose has been nasty. He's the driving force behind the current 8-game winning streak that the Bulls have in tact and is solidifying his name amongst guys like Paul, Deron, Nash, and Rondo as the best PG in the NBA. Did I mention he is only 26 months removed from being able to purchase his first Four Loko?

On Tuesday, when Derrick displayed his reckless abandon to the hoop that us fans all adore, he was catapulted into the air horizontally like Bucky Lasek (the only character I remember from Tony Hawk Pro Skater on Gamecube) on a warehouse half-pipe. For that solemn few seconds, the city held its breath and hoped Derrick Rose wouldn't break both wrists, stripping him of the ability to: 1) continue to dismantle Eastern Conference foes with his ball-handling wizardry, and 2)to effectively do the "Bossy" dance from the Kelis music video. All kidding aside, after I saw the replay I thought Derrick would for sure have sustained some sort of wrist injury, and as always, I was right. Although Derrick only received a sprain, all wrist injuries are painful. Think about how many daily tasks you need a healthy wrist to perform: writing, making 3 point turns.....other household tasks (wink, wink). Like big toes and A&W Root Beer, wrists are underrated. And the worst part about wrist injuries is, without rest, it's just going to linger like a single by the Cranberries in 1999.

I am alarmed mostly by this injury because Derrick's wrist directly coincides with his ability to make jumpers, which affects how the Bulls play, which affects whether or not the Bulls win, which ultimately affects Derrick Rose's chance of winning NBA MVP. I know this sounds like some sophomoric, meaningless flow chart from Lord of the Flies, but it's true. We know Derrick is not going to let himself take time off, and now with Joakim dressed in $32,000 pleated slacks on the Bulls bench, he's going to be asked to shoulder more of the burden, with one good wrist! Hopefully the Bulls can weather the storm and keep this current winning streak alive and well.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man completely underestimated how bad the Clippers really were. As the strolled into halftime with a 3 point lead Wednesday night, he was confident. Then, in the second half, the Clips couldn't reach the 20 point plateau in either quarter and they went on to lose by 15. Awful, awful basketball. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes the over in the Chargers/49ers tilt in San Diego, which is set at 45. Get back on that horse and ride.

Pick of the Day: 49ers @ Chargers, total points-45- OVER

Record:(40-26-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Deserving of a Hand

Think about how many professional athletes you have seen in person, one, maybe two right? Massive, graceful, thoroughbred human beings who capture a room as soon as they walk in. You can easily define the difference when a pro walks into a room and captivates the audience as opposed to a random 6'9'' oaf from your high school, who is an all likelihood duck-footed and wearing a hodge-podge assortment of undersized clothing. Granted, the fact that this athlete is presumably African-American and ink'd up like Travis Barker is usually a dead giveaway, but still, they don't blend in with the wallpaper. Now think about how many stray gym bags you have lying around your house strategically placed around tight corners. Ironically, Carlos Boozer being the nimble-footed pro athlete that he is, still managed to supposedly 'slip' on a duffle bag and tumble into hand surgery scheduled for Wednesday. Not to mention, if you were a pro athlete, would you ever answer your own doorbell? I'm sure Boozer was just so ecstatic to see the UPS guy giving a courtesy ring that he jumped out of his seat,locked into a dead sprint towards his medieval chamber front door, and slipped on his freshly Lysol'ed kitchen floor. Sounds about as believable as Cate Blanchett's representation of Bob Dylan in I'm Not There . I'm not buyin' it.

I don't know what to say about Carlos Boozer and his off-day antics. We shunned the notion of his injury susceptibility and signed him to a 5 year contract he probably doesn't deserve, and he can't make it through an leisure day in his Deerfield mansion without fracturing a metacarpal? In case you forgot Carlos, we signed you from Utah. We rescued you from a barren wasteland of a state that the United States has seemingly forgotten. We brought you to a place where people look like you (how many 6'9'' African-Americans named Carlos are there in Salt Lake? Then again, how many are there anywhere?). We assured you that you never had to play alongside Mehmet Okur ever again? We brought you from snow and canyons to Kanye and R.Kelly (not sure if that's a good thing) and you pulled this hoodwink on us just after we all became followers of your "CBoozTheBull" twitter account. The only time you've ever put on a Bulls uniform thus far is to pose for promiscuous shoots with the luvabulls, and now you're unable to perform.

Now I don't have the slightest clue as to what actually happened. Maybe he was sour he only was slighted at 83 overall in NBA 2K10 and punched the wall after each unsuccessful post finish in an exhibition game against his son. Maybe he got his hand caught in his S100,000 car. Who knows. All I'm saying is, when a team pays you 80 mill to produce, hire someone to answer your doorbell, hire someone to open your car door, hire Louie Anderson as a personal punching bag. I don't care what you do, just make sure you produce and are still on the 'active' list after three days of offensive walk-throughs and a session on the stationary bike. It may be too early to hold a grudge on the 'Booz', but I'm sure this won't win him any high fives, (he has a broken hand) , autograph suggestions (he has a broken hand) or slap-the-backboard-layups in warmups (ad nauseum).

As for Pick of the Day, special teams came through for the Pats on Monday Night Football last night and caused John Gruden to raise his heart rate beyond reasonably normal levels. For tonight, since nothing is available to bet on against skewed outcome preseason NBA basketball, the Pulse Man has dusted off his tarot cards and urges you to bet on an MLB Futures Prop. The odds for Scott Rolen to be the player to hit the 1st home run in the Reds/Phillies series are +800, and those odds aren't that bad for a guy who has more playoff experience than anyone on the Reds. So, on an off night, go with it.

Pick of the Day: Player to hit 1st Home Run in Reds/Phillies- Scott Rolen (+800)

Record:(23-15-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Center of Attention

3 years ago when Joakim Noah was winning National Championships and dancing like a dunce during post-game interviews at the University of Florida, you couldn't find anybody who appreciated his talents and considered themselves a Joakim Noah 'fan'. Since then, Joakim Noah has accumulated a marijuana possession ticket, an open alcohol fine, and a 7 and 7 PPG/RPG career average (no pun intended with the 7&7 and the open alcohol fine) and the Bulls are now unwilling to trade him for one of the most prodigious scorers in the NBA the last 5 years, and are surprisingly backed by tons of Bulls fans. Now, don't think I'm underestimating the importance of a 'good glue guy' (shout out Matt DeMars). Joakim is an asset for the Bulls in the defense and rebounding departments alike. His unmatched intensity and ongoing rivalry with LeBron is something the fans of Chicago have come to embrace. Chicagoans have gone from being disgruntled after drafting a gap-toothed, buffoon with 6 nationalities and an incredible knack for intangibles with the 9th overall pick, to holding onto Noah like he's their first born moving into a coed dorm.

Once again, I like what Noah brings to the Bulls. As a matter of fact, I simply like Noah in general. But, not including him in a trade for one of the elite scorers in the NBA and therefore nullifying the idea of landing Carmelo Anthony--now that's just ill-considered and imbecilic. Let's go over Joakim's numbers from his last 2 years in the NBA.

2008-09: 6.7 PPG, 7.6 RPG, 80 Games
2009-10: 10.7 PPG, 11.0 RPG, 64 Games

Now, some of you disciples of this pony-tailed prodigy might be saying, "but what about his playoff numbers?" What about them? Did they win either series? Nope. They sure didn't. The only thing with a lasting effect from either series were his comments made about Cleveland being a repugnant city that nobody enjoys--which were comments that I fully endorse.

On the other side of the fence sits Carmelo Anthony, a bonafide NBA megastar who averaged 28.2 points per game a season ago and could draw more of a crowd than a golfer with an arm growing out of his ass. It is only once in a while that you get someone with this much talent that wants to play in your city, and Paxson and Forman are letting the opportunity slip right through the vents in their upstairs Berto Center office. Maybe they turn out to be right to hold onto Joakim and he turns out to average 17 points and 18 boards next year like some Pau Gasol/Ben Wallace hybrid animal. But, just in case things don't turn out, here are a couple of guys with very similar stats to Noah that I wouldn't trade my North Face APEX jacket for.

Troy Murphy, 2009-10: 14.6 PPG, 10.2 RPG
Marc Gasol, 2009-10: 14.6 PPG, 9.3 RPG, and the same haircut as Russel Brand.
Samuel Dalembert, 2009-10: 8.1 PPG, 9.6 RPG

If you haven't figured it out yet, the center position in the NBA is the most dispensable position in the NBA. Yea, you need one, don't get me wrong. But, I feel like even if the Bulls lost Noah, they could gain a decent center back with one decent front office move or the development of a player that they already have. In part, I think the reason Paxson and Forman are holding onto Noah so forcibly is because they finally made a solid draft pick without having the #1 overall pick in front of them and are too stubborn to let him go. If they don't offer Noah and the trade talks die, the starting lineup of: Rose (tremendous creator, endless potential, All-Star), Brewer (rangy defender), Melo (incredible scorer, top 5 player in the NBA, All-Star), Boozer (solid back to the basket scorer, All-Star), Center X (you could seriously put Eric Montross in here, and the Bulls are fine) is all just...what might have been.

As for Pick of the Day, the Nationals managed to squeak by the Phillies last night in a game that had lower ratings than 'How I Met Your Mother' at 3 AM on WCIU. For tonight, the Pulse Man continues his "Bet Against Bush" campaign and likes the Mets over the Brewers in game 2 of the Milwaukee/New York Mets twin billing in NYC at (-152).

Pick of the Day: Brewers @ Mets- Mets-moneyline (-152)

Record: (22-14-0)