Playoffs in the C-H-I

The Hawks are in. The Bulls are in. Regardless of the fact that they may have done so in the most contradictory of styles, they're both ready to embark on their 'second season'. The Bulls, in one corner, clinched the highly-regarded #1 spot on Friday night after the week that was.

To get there, they knocked off two of the Eastern Conference's top teams--the Magic and the Celtics--albeit without the NBA equivalent of John Coffee from Green Mile, Magic C Dwight Howard, it was still impressive. The Bulls have looked, for the most part, pristine. Specifically Derrick Rose, who casually dropped 39 points against Chicago's likely second round opponent and gave Omer Asik bragging rights from Istanbul to Ankara over the Magic's Hedo Turkoglu.

On the other side of the proverbial coin, the Blackhawks skated into the playoffs (no pun intended) by "the skin of their yellow country teeth." In fact, the only reason there will be any 'playoff Hawky' (shoutout @Not_RyanCLind) in the city of Chicago is because of the NHL's Minnesota team debarring of the Dallas Stars for stealing their franchise in 1993.

I guess you could say that these two Chicago sports mainstays have taken different paths this year, but in many ways still have the same aspirations. Like, for example, the starlet who once paraded around the Times Square TRL set with Carson Daly, Brittney Spears, and America's new teenage leading lady, Miss Miley Cyrus.

Much like Derrick Rose, Miley has mystified scores of men at a very young age. I mean, if we prosecuted the entire contingency of adults who have fantasized about the formerly 17-year old Miley "moving her hips like yeaa" in the "Party in the U.S.A" video, Joliet (where the jail is) might suddenly amass a higher population than Second City.

Similarly, D.Rose is about to hang the MVP trophy on his mantle at the tender age of 22--no small feat. But, like Miley, if too much pressure is thrust on Derrick too early, he might succumb to hitting some salvia as the Bulls' championship hopes sink like a silver coin. (Remember: he did have that "gang sign" picture controversy when he first entered the league, so neither are immune to the paparazzi.)

In the Blackhawks' case, their season has been as capricious as a post-Circus Brittney Spears (Circus is an album, she wasn't actually an acting member of the circus). For instance, she hit rock-bottom and went blade to scalp on her dome; an instance that can be seen as comparable to the defending Stanley Cup champions being out of the playoff picture for a decent amount of the year.

Then, she somehow resurfaced with the help of someone else (Hawks getting in by way of the Stars collapse) and went on to produce an unintelligible, inauthentic, computer-generated product that started with monologues like, "It's Brittney, b*%#@" that never lived up to her original masterful productions.

I don't watch near enough hockey to throw odds on the Blackhawks playoff chances, but when you can't get up to beat your rival in a must-win with your back against the wall, I'll send my money somewhere else.

As for the Bulls, like I said earlier, if the right circumstances fall into place, it all could happen according to plan. But, we all saw what that Billy Ray parenting/divorce/bad haircut fiasco did to a young vixen like Miley. If things go awry, the Bulls could resemble more of Jonah Hill's version of Cyrus than Miley's.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man likes Dempster to get off the shnide and out of the dumpster in Houston against the Astros tonight. I wouldn't say it's a must-win for the Cubs cannuck, but it's damn close.

Pick of the Day: Cubs @ Astros- CUBS (-129)

Record:(63-51-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Jonny On the Spot

8 to 4. To me, it sounds like a work shift for some outside sales rep navigating his way through corporate America in a double-windsored neck tie that he bought at TJ Maxx. For Blackhawks captain Jonathan Toews, 8 to 4 is the jump he has propelled the Hawks to in the Western Conference standings thanks to their current 6-game winning streak. Over the course of that streak, Jonathan has totaled 6 helpers and 6 goals, including the game-winners against Minnesota and the rival St. Louis Blues. Earlier in the year, the Hawks' play fluctuated more than the vocals on a Van Morrison track, but they seemed to have since reached homeostasis heading into the home stretch.

Ever since the Hawks topped the Penguins in that shootout at the UC last Sunday (A game in which I was offered a ticket to and regrettably declined), the former Stanley Cup champions haven't cooled off. At about the same time Kane was busy sipping on Calpurnia's lemonade while on sick-leave, Toews was compiling a campaign for the league's 'first star of the month' award in which he won for February. During those 28 days, the Hawks captain earned his "C" by leading the league with 21 points during a desperate stretch to maintain playoff position.

Toews has always been the consummate captain for the Hawks--boring interviews, stoic personality, tranquil presence--he's got all the personality traits that the job requires, and he maintains his popularity with the fans through his self-reliant accountability for his squad. Still, this year Captain Serious' presence on the ice has been more paramount than ever. For instance, in the Blackhawks 34 wins this season, Toews has tallied 18 goals and 22 assists (an even 40 for all of you non-Math majors) while he has only managed to register 5 goals and 16 assists in the Hawks 27 losses. Not to mention, his +/- differential diminishes by 40 (+30 to -10) when his squad comes out on the short end of the stick (no pun intended). Those stats are rather telling.

A month ago, nobody expected the Hawks to repeat as kings of the Western Conference; and even now, smart hockey people still don't. But if the youngest captain in the NHL continues to play well, a repeat seems to be a more fathomable possibility in Chicago. "All's well that ends well" -William Shakespeare-

As for Pick of the Day, as expected, the Wizards lost in their home building to the Warriors which gave the Pulse Man his second straight victory. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes the UNDER in the Indiana/Wisco Big 10 tilt in Bloomington which is set at 126.5.

Pick of the Day: Wisconsin @ Indiana, total points 126.5-UNDER

Record:(60-43-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Candy Kane

Self-admittedly, I don't know much about hockey. Foreign people love it, it involves a puck, fighting and a lot of people with short-tempers. For all I know, it might as well be the Real World: San Francisco. That is why before I write a blog on the Blackhawks, I usually consult someone who is well-versed in "the coolest game on earth". In this case, it was my main man, Ryan "Little League" Lind, a former hard hitting captain of the LZHS hockey club, that was referenced as the know-all in all things stick and puck. So in talking to Little League, it was apparent that he was understandably frustrated with the underachieving Hawks squad in 2011. Amongst other things, he mentioned to me how undervalued their 3rd line 'energy guys' were from a year ago (Sopel, Eager, Burish), and how much they miss Niemi in between the pipes. But most of all, they miss the Patrick Kane of old.

Even after watching Kane net the game-winning shootout goal with a pretty, stick side deke move in which he stole from Charlie Conway, it only salvaged his terrible overtime period. Kane was all over the ice in the extra frame, and I don't mean that in a complimentary way. He was loose with the puck, almost careless at times, and turned the puck over more times than an undercooked turkey burger. I know he missed some time recently due to illness and had to get some reps to wear off the rust, but 88 looked off on Sunday.

I'm not going to sit here and chastise Kane for supposedly being out slammin' sangria and sexting slam pieces on the night when he was supposedly ill. I don't care about that at all. He's 22 and has enough money to buy a round of shots for every person who resides in Estonia (who coincidentally love hockey), he's going to do what he wants. He's a frat boy with deep pockets and two sisters that are absolute dimes. So take your shirt off, beat the piss out of an innocent cabbie over the cost of a chiclet, chug Busch Lights incessantly in front of children that idolize you--I don't give a rip--live the life you love, Kaner. I have to say though, it was a lot easier to put up with his off-the-ice antics and write them off as cute when he was producing points. Now that he's been force fed 'Chicago sports icon' status, people are now starting to see Kane as an overpaid ($31.5 contract), under-producing (43rd and 37th in the league in goals and assists respectively) punk.

In his defense, nobody is having a good year. Duncan Keith has been almost as bad as his haircut and Hossa has missed a lot of ice time. Is Kane entitled to a, dare I say it, "hangover" season? He consistently came up huge for the Hawks a year ago and helped deliver their first Cup since JFK established the Peace Corps in '61. I suppose so. But what PK needs to do is help us help him. Stop pulling Ferris Bueller sick days and turning in a thermometer to Coach Q that you just nuked under your hotel lamp. Keep your sweater on and show up on the daily...show some accountability. If you do that, then we'll put up with your Tara Reid headlines that you produce on the weekends. At least you're producing something.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man was burned by Harvard Friday night and looks to President's Day as the stage to get back on track. For the Head of State holiday and in honor of Ryan "Little League" Lind, the Pulse Man likes Little League's alma mater, the Western Michigan Broncos to take care of business at home against Kent St. It's a pick 'em affair in Kalamazoo.

Pick of the Day: Kent St. @ Western Michigan (pick 'em)- WESTERN MICHIGAN

Record:(56-40-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

1st Intermission

I went to a Milwaukee Brewers game followed by a Guster concert once when I was about 17. I wasn't really all that into the band, or the hippie-lettuce wielding, unshowered fan base that shared the venue with me that night, but a few good things came as a result of this experience. First and foremost, I got to cruelly castigate Ken Griffey Jr. by telling him he was bad at baseball (not true), and that his video games sucked (even further from the truth). Either way, he hit his first home run of the season that afternoon, proceeded to stare me down, and for the first time in my life, I felt like I had an actual effect on a pro sporting event. Then at the concert, as we permeated through clouds of 'gonja' smoke and walked past people attempting to eat their own dreadlocked hair, we realized that a band named "The Zamboni's" would be opening for Guster. At first, we thought The Zamboni's would be a fairly normal-looking, below average sounding opening band for Guster, a cult band with a modest following. Instead, they ended up being a group of guys from Hartford, still disgruntled about losing the Whalers to North Carolina (where nobody gives a damn about hockey), dressed in hockey sweaters and CCM helmets, singing only about the one sport that they truly love. They sang powerful ballads like, "I Wanna Drive the Zamboni of Devotion", "The Hockey Monkey" and "The Linesman's Daughter". Needless to say, the venue wasn't thrilled about the 45 miunte set that ensued at 'The Rave' that night, but I still think of these crazy kooks every time a hockey game reaches an intermission. And, with 1/3 of the Blackhawks' season in the books, what a better introduction into recapping the first period of the Blackhawks season.

After such a successful season a year ago, the Hawks started out the year about as comfortable at home as Neve Campbell in Scream. Because of this, Coach Q and the Blackhawks are talking less about defending the Stanley Cup right now and more about securing a playoff spot in the neck-deep Western Conference. In fact, the top 12 teams in the West are all huddled around the 8 spot like it's the bottom bar at Beaumonts during last call on a Friday night. We knew it wouldn't be easy for Toews and Co. this year with the target on their back every night, but the early season injury to Marian Hossa and the lingering health issues plaguing Patrick Kane certainly haven't made the beginning of the 2010-2011 season one for the books, unless of course those books are the team's early season medical charts.

The Blackhawks also had some chemistry issues at the beginning of the season this year and caused Quennville to re-shuffle his deck on a variety of occasions. Whether simply to play mind games with his players, or to actually increase productivity, the Blackhawks played like an unbalanced chemical equation during during certain games this winter because of the constant shifting. But, judging from my grade in Chemistry Sophomore year of high school, I have no idea what an unbalanced equation looks like, and I have a hard time deciphering good puck from a female gym class' floor hockey scrimmage, so who knows. Still, it doesn't take Barry Melrose to figure out that the Hawks games have been much closer this season. They're winning games by one goal margins instead of slamming the door hard on the opposition like they're an upset woman in a romantic comedy break-up scene. Something they became masterful at a year ago.

But, like Andy Dufresne says, and I have referenced before, "hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." And, truth be told, the Hawks have been picking it up as of late. They found a guy with a Wolf "The Dentist" Stanson-like approach in John Scott and Corey Crawford has stepped in nicely and has rattled off a modest collection of wins between the pipes. Party Marty has been a disappointment thus far, giving up 6 goals again last night in a loss to the Avs. But, he's a veteran and has the capability to play himself out of a career-ending crisis. The chemistry will come for the Hawks, but with all the changes they made, it was inevitable that they would take some time to gel as a team. Give them a 5 game road trip, a cooler of Labbatt Blue, and a Canadian Stripper off of Craig's List and we'll be talking about how the team is once again on the same page. Until then, keep on hanging on.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man does it again. Ford Field was kind to the visiting New York Giants as they beat the Favre-less Vikings handily in the Motor City last night. Favre missed a start for the first time since 1992. That's a long time ago. Since then he endured 3 franchises, a retirement, a painkiller scandal, a sexting scandal, and several decapitation attempts--well done, Brett. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes the Warriors giving 3 points at home against the T-Wolves. Have you ever seen a basketball game in Oakland? Me neither. But I'm sure it's entertaining.

Pick of the Day: T-Wolves @ Warriors (-3)- WARRIORS

Record: (39-25-0)

Now I'm done. Rack Me

Frost

White-hot, Black-hawks

Yesterday I asked my Dad who was leisurely laying on his recliner "hey, can you check the Blackhawks game?" Five years ago, he would have glared over at me and made a snide remark about me deciding not to go to the Y that day. Instead, he added to me that the Blackhawks have won two in a row and eagerly flipped the channel to the Hawks vs. Blues game--a sporting event far more entertaining than the abortion of a football game that was Jags vs. Titans. On a side note, ESPN should feel extreme remorse for making the American public watch Kerry Collins and Trent Edwards sling the football around for two hours, my god. But anyway, it occured to me last night that this Blackhawk bandwagon craze has scooped up about everyone in the Chicagoland area: my Dad who can't tell the difference between a power-play and a power-drill, and myself included. I used to be the kid who flipped between SportsCenter and Saved By the Bell during mornings before school, only watching my boy Zach Morris and the rest of the SBtB crew rule the halls of Bayside High during the prolonged sessions of hockey highlights during ESPN's flagship program. Now, I find myself tuning in to watch the Hawks regularly, and I routinely question the differences in motive between the 12 year old version of myself, and the mature, specimen of a human being that I have become at the age of 22.

After Perron notched his second goal for the Blues in the 3rd period and the Blackhawks found themselves trailing by a deuce in the middle of the 3rd last night, I thought of asking my dad to join me in an impromptu family living room version of the popular student section chant, "This game's ovahh, clap-clap, clap-clap-clap." But, being the rational human being that I am, I decided against it. And boy, did the Hawks prove me wrong. Marian Hossa singlehandedly dominated the 3rd period and tied the game himself with two goals within two minutes late in the last period. Now if the Cubs were trailing a few runs with 3 innnings to go? Yea, I'd probably still watch the game, but I'd have the same optomism for a win that Scott Peterson has for paroll. Perhaps that's why Chicago has so quickly fell in love with the Hawks like a couple of college undergrads after a half-assed introduction and a handful of $2.00 U-Call-Its. Maybe it's the resilience of the Hawks that keeps you tuning into a game where the main object of the sport (the puck) is 1/1,000,000,000 of the TV screen. Or maybe we are all just hopelessly awaiting for Comcast Sports Net to get us a camera shot of Kane's sisters in the audience...maybe that's just me.

But the attitude that the Hawks wear on the sleeves of their sweaters is something that is refreshing to see. They have guys who come to the rink to compete every night, regardless of score, regardless of pain, regardless of anything. Take for example, Patrick Kane. If Kane didn't bring the effort he routinely does every night, we'd all be reading Mike Imrem editorials in the Herald entitled "Under the Influence, Over-Paid" or "Candy Gamed Kane". But we let him parade around the streets of Buffalo beating helpless cabbies like Jan Radecki senseless over a few loose nickels and dimes because when that horn sounds in the UC--he's all hockey, all the time, and that is what the Blackhawks have come to represent. Hardworking guys who have bad memories and short fuses, who would trade in their athletic cups for another shot at 'the cup'. I'm going to keep tuning into Hawks games until something changes. And I don't see that happening anytime soon under Q and his mustache.

As for Pick of the Day, considering David Garrard was benched in the 2nd quarter and the Jags didn't have a passing touchdown in the first half, it's safe to say that the Pulse Man covered the under on the 1.5 TD's bet from Garrard. Tomorrow, he likes the Phillies over the Giants tomorrow night at (+105).

Pick of the Day: Phillies @ Giants- PHILLIES (+105)

Record:(25-19-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Ice, Ice, Baby

First of all, sorry for the title. I had no intention to get you thinking about Vanilla Ice's retched karaoke performance on 'The Surreal Life'. I'm promoting crew neck Miami Hurricanes sweatshirt "with my rag-top down so my hair can blow" Vanilla. In any event, it's pushing 80 degrees in Chicago right now, so it's clear that hockey season is now upon us. With the Blackhawks starting what hopes to be another successful season, we can expect to once again read more ill-advised facebook statuses from college aged females than ever before, i.e. "Hawks game, then girls night with ______, KD love:) I like it on the ice baby!!!!", and hear the song from that damn Amstel Light commercial ringing in our ears ad nauseum. However, you can't blame the Blackhawks for having their bandwagon grow as crowded as a Ford Winstar heading to Panama City Beach in mid-March, they won the cup, and won over hockey aficionados everywhere. The Blackhawks 2010 season proved that winning outweighs any clever marketing scheme concieved by a bunch of corporate dorks, and having a few players that relate to your whiskey-nose, young 20's, free-spirited mentality definitely doesn't inhibit jersey sales.

But the Hawks aren't the same team they were a year ago. Many things have changed--thank god the 'Ice Girls' aren't one of them. First things first, they have a diffrerent man in net. From what I know about hockey and the NHL, you're only as good as your last line of defense. I guess this theory holds true in most sports, but a certain amount of credence and trusteeship must be instilled in your homwetown hockey goalie. We effortlessly made the shift from Antti Niemi to Uncle Marty in a move that saved the Hawks some money in their efforts to stay below the salary cap. Hopefully, Uncle Marty turns into the kind of fun-loving fathers-brother who splashes your Diet Coke with a little Jack D at the family Christmas table and gifts you with gift cards to DICK's rather than a fly fishing kit and a sweater he got off clearance at Kohls. Turco never surrendered a losing season in Dallas for the Stars (still can't believe they left Minneapolis after that plug Gordon Bombay gave them in D1) and is definitely a formidable and capable replacement in goal for the Blackhawks.

As far as offense goes, the Blackhawks were the 3rd highest scoring team in the league last season. But after the Madison Ave. garage sale that occured earlier this summer, don't expect this year's team to be netting goals on command like Jaromir Jagr did in every single hockey video game that was ever issued to the public prior to 2005. The 3rd amigo in Chicago's infamous first line is now Fernando Pisdani as he will be accompanying Sharp and Kane and likely get some 'scoring' (pun absolutely intended) opportunities on that shift as a result. Spelling them will be the the rock solid line of Kopecky-Toews-Hossa which has become as uniform in Chicago as $3.50 slice deals at Rosatis, and hopefully just as satisfying.

On the other side of the blue line, Duncan Keith and his lack of respect for the small,calcified, whitish strcutures in his mouth was awarded the coveted coverboy for the NHL11 video game this fall and he will once again be the anchor of the Blackhawks defense. With the loss of Brett Sopel, the Hawks rid themselves of arguably the worst skater in the NHL, but also a guy that would take a puck in the adams apple for the Hawks. Still, there will be no shortage of sliding puck blocks (easily the best play in hockey) with Campbell, Seabrook and Niklas Hjalmarsson protecting Marty Turco.

Overall, there will unquestionably be some sort of hangover due to the gallons of Busch Light that were drank by Kane and Co. this summer and hopefully no illegitamate children are a result of the last 3 months. No team has repeated as holders of the cup since the division-rival Red Wings pulled it off in the late 90's, but god knows everyone in Chicago will be talking about how big of a Hawks fan they are, so I suppose I'll get out my Zamboni's CD and keep my eyes peeled for the Hockey Monkey.

As for Pick of the Day, The Pulse Man is struggling heading into the weekend. But when the baseball playoffs do you wrong, there's nothing like a good 6 pack to ease your mind of betting debt. The Pulse Man's Saturday 6 pack is listed below, with the Sunday Teaser soon following on S-A, T-U-R, D-A-Y, NIGHT!

Saturday 6 Pack

2 Team Parlay:
1. Alabama (-7) @ South Carolina- BAMA
2. Minnesota @ Wisconsin- Combined Total Points 58- UNDER

3 Team Parlay:
1. Michigan St. @ Michigan- MICHIGAN, moneyline
2. BYU (+4.5) @ San Diego St.- BYU
3. Aurburn @ Kentucky- AUBRUN, moneyline

'Big Ticket Pick of the Day':
USC @ Stanford-Combined Total Points, 59-OVER

Record: (23-17-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Breaking Up With The Blackhawks

As the Madison Ave. garage sale continues and players that Chicago was just getting used to are being shipped out like bad salmon (Byfuglien, Versteeg, Hjalmarsson, Sopel) we are forced to "break up" with the 2010 Blackhawks that captured the Stanley Cup, as well as the hearts of many Chicagoans who were simply just tired of watching awful baseball, so naturally, they became hockey fans.

It is not every day that you feel the need to compare hockey players with women, but in this case I find it quite fitting. We knew that we would never be able to keep all these players (girls) because we simply do not have the money (uh....money). So, therefore we shipped them for parts all over the NHL. However, each player remains a part of the 2010 Stanley Cup Champs and also a part of the memories that they gave us for a couple of months when Blackhawks games became an excuse to go out and drink, and for girls to make shitty facebook statuses like they actually cared. So, in this article I will go over the legacy of each player that was sent packing and make comparisons to the type of woman they might be, this could get pretty weird.

Dustin Byfuglien- Lets face it, Byfuglien is an anomaly. He's a black hockey player. And, like a 7 foot gymnast would do as well, he draws interest. He's supposedly American, but has one of the most bizarre last names in the league. Kids love him, and why not, he's big and he's black (like every other pro athlete) and they're too young to crave anything different every once in a while, so he immediately becomes their favorite player. To me, he lends himself to Angelina Jolie, she's a dime with great features, yet she's a lunatic (much like Byfuglien). She is intimidating (much like Byfuglien) and you simply just don't fuck with her....girls don't fuck with Jolie (see Jennifer Anniston) It should also be noted that Byfuglien was the trendiest player to like on the Blackhawks during their playoff run without question. I had a friend who bought an authentic jersey and a "Big Buff" shirt (horrificly gay) only to see him get traded in the next month. It absolutely was karma for buying a "Big Buff" shirt that was designed for 3rd graders, preferably that wear glasses and write GO HAWKS on their 5 star binder. When you ask guys who the hottest girl in the world is, a lot of them say Jolie. I simply believe this isn't true, they just say it because everyone thinks she's near the top and they won't catch any flack for saying Jolie. So the bottom line is, she's hot no doubt, but in the end, expendable, and her popularity will fade as she keeps adopting more foreign children (average seasons) and stays out of the limelight (being traded to the Atlanta Thrashers)

Kris Versteeg- I gotta admit, I liked Versteeg. He did some things that simply made you ask "What the F*&@" at times, but in the end you know he was playing his heart out. I lend Versteegs game to a young Britney Spears (I'm thinking like "I'm A Slave for You" Britney). I know what you're thinking...(thats Britney's best video! I know, I know). After all, this was Versteegs best season, but, next thing ya know he could go nuts, shave his head, and marry Kevin Federline and actually think "Popozao" is a decent song. Like I said, I liked Versteeg, hell, I still do. I just don't see him doing much better or being any more notable than he was with the Blackhawks this season. And, much like Britney, you'll be more interested in her little sister (NHL Prospect X) in a year or two.

Niklas Hjalmarsson- What is there to to say about Hjalms? Dude is foreign. Dude brought it every night. He reminds of a girl that's straight off the plane Eastern Block European, but understands how her man needs to be treated in America. She cooks dinner and it's waiting in the oven when you get home every night, but, when you do eat out and spill Chiptole on your dress shirt, it's dry cleaned and in your closet the next day. She knows how to take care of business, and even though you never could pronounce her foreign name well, you feel sick when she goes and sleeps with another guy (Sharks) and you have nothing to eat (No Defense). I'm thinking...Kornikova? I don't know, I'm not really into foreign chicks.

Brent Sopel- Ah, last but definitely not least, Brent Sopel. I would definitely classify Sopel as the stereotypical clingy chick that would absolutely do ANYTHING for you and you don't realize what you have until she leaves (I have never actually experienced something like this, so I really wouldn't know). She would put up with you cheating on her with better defenseman, constantly berating her because she can't dance (Sopel can barely skate) and still every time you turn around she's laying down in front of pucks for you. Sopel was completely under-appreciated on the hawks and I think he will be missed along with Hjalmarsson. Sopel lends himself to any girl who you probably dated in high school that you could still make out with given a good effort (I don't have any, Sopel's pretty rare, I'm telling you)

This last one I did just for fun it was too easy...

Patrick Kane- Tara Reid, easily. Hot, crazy, nuts. All in the same player. Acts like she's still in college and is constantly doing something that sheds negative light on themselves, but are supremely talented. Can take down a beer bong, hook up with two guys in one night, and then wake up and get shitfaced the next day and give an incoherent speech in front of 3 million people. She's the only person who can have a DUI and a centerfold in playboy within the same career. I love you Tara. Hopefully we never have to break up with you Kane.