Return of The Mac

Just when you thought Demetri McCamey would fade into irrelevance like the New Radicals and Arsenio Hall, he has again proven hard to shake (no pun intended to his defensive prowess). The former All-Big 10 point guard for the University of Illinois has recently signed a summer league contract with his hometown team, the Chicago Bulls.

Now, a summer league contract is about as guaranteed double-down blackjack at Rivers. But, it is an opportunity, and that is exactly what McCamey deserves. After signing an overseas contract due to the lockout's restrictions on undrafted rookies, McCamey put up stellar numbers in a league that nobody wihtout a pencil-mustache and an affinity for kebabs cares about. Nonethelss, it seems that Meechi--as he is affectionately referred to--has moved on from Mersin Büyükşehir Belediyesi S.K. (God bless the copy/paste feature) of the Turkish basketball league, where he shared the spotlight with other former recognizable American names such as Illinois' own former prodigal son of their dream season in 2005, Dee Brown.

What is intriguing, and quite honestly, beneficial for McCamey is his ability to fit into the NBA protype point guard. Of course, smaller guards like Chris Paul, Steve Nash, Brandon Jennings, and Tony Parker break that mold with their quickness and ability to permeate through perimeter traps and around erosion-footed bigs like the Lopez brothers. That said, McCamey is listed at 6'3'', 200 lbs--a size comparable to guards like Eric Gordon, Deron Williams, and everyone's favorite Uncle Drew, Kyrie Irving.

Mac will most likely be backing up Marquis Teague at the point and will also be spelling Jimmy Butler in the backcourt for the Summer League squad. What bodes well for the former St. Joe's Charger is his willingness to improve. While in Champaign-Urbana, McCamey flourished in an offensive system set forth by Bruce Weber that was conceivably drawn up on a napkin at a local Chili's. In his early years in the Orange and Blue, his frustration with both his teammates and the system was noticeable on his face and through his play; he was turnover-prone and at times took ill-advised shots trying to keep the Chief in games that were slipping faster than Sanka Coffee on his first taste of ice in Cool Runnings.

With the luxury of playing experience as an underclassman, McCamey flourished in his Junior and Senior seasons. When it was clear that Weber was living on a different planet than the 5 he had set forth on the floor, McCamey corralled the group with a pastoral grace and proceeded to lead the Big 10 in assists at 7 dimes a tilt, shattering Deron Williams' record set in 2005 (with a far superior supporting cast) and falling just 20 helpers shy of Matteen Cleaves' Big 10 record set, again, with a Final 4 caliber bunch.

You can only help but pull for the Bellwood native as he ventures into the wide world of underwatched, untelevised basketball. In speaking on behalf of Illini alums, the Orange Krush, and a slew of Asian students who occupy the Grainger Engineering Library on the campus of U of I, let's hope D-Mac joins Gene Pingatore, Isiah Thomas, Evan Turner, and the Hoop Dreams boys as St. Joe's living legacies.

As for Pick of the Day, The Pulse Man is still on hiatus with the MLB returning to regular play tomorrow afternoon.

Now I'm done. Rack me.

Frost

Date of the Union

Today, not neccessarily July 11th, but rather the day after the MLB All-Star game is unique to any other day on the 12 month calendar in the sports world. You can almost hear Jim Nantz in his Master's voice articulating, "...a tradition unlike any other" as the camera scrolls across Augusta National to the tune of a light, harmonic piano. It's exclusivity from the rest of the calendar originates because it marks the only day each year in which no professional sports are taking place. Across America, you'll see strange things--grown men watching two-hour, "The Guys Tell All" reunion specials of The Bachelorette, sushi restaurants filled to capacity, and the ticket line for Magic Mike winding out the corner of the theater.

With no professional sports on the horizon for 24 hours, it seemingly marks the perfect day to address the state of all of Chicago's beloved sports teams. In typical Chicago Sports Noise fashion, I have decided to do so in a less than normal, but hardly original way. Thus, we will take a look at all things Chicago through the lens of a male in a budding relationship with a female. Seeing how as I have little to no experience in this field and haven't been a part of a functional relationship in some time, these comparisons may be muddled, irrelevant, confusing, but should serve as nonetheless entertaining. In a roundabout sort of way, this is an implicit attempt to remove myself from any remnant of a female following that once existed. For all intensive purposes, let's refer to the male in the case of the following situations as "Chico".

Chicago Bulls- Chico finds himself with his longtime girlfriend on the physical intimacy shelf (I came up with that term myself) with mononucleosis. Their past has been spectacular; Chico's girlfriend, in this case, Rosaline, can bring home the bacon and fry it in the pan. She cleans up nice, but can still cut it in the sweats and also lets Chico have the freedom to roll with the fellas every now and then. There's no way Chico is leaving Rosaline, but what the hell is he going to do for the next few months while she's on the PUP (physically unable to perform) list? If he tries to bring her out too early her spleen is susceptible to a rupture, but if he tastes too much of the outside world, he just might lose The One. If Chico were a smart man, he might have to indulge himself in a few girls nights. Not reruns of 27 Dresses on CW, but rather things like casual dinner dates with her friends, afternoon matinees, walks, things like that. Nurture the relationship, Chico. Before you know it, she'll be back to full-operation.

Chicago Blackhawks- Chico finds himself in a tough spot here. He's not where he used to be with the females (first round playoff loss)--a bit of a cold streak if you will. Years back he was can't miss. Hitting on girls in bars, ATM vestibules, El Stops. The guy was a real-life Jerry Seinfeld. Now, he finds himself readily single, but with a risque option on the table. Chico's rival from across town in high school recently split up with his girlfriend (Goalie Roberto Luongo), and she is canoodling around town like she's in a bad episode of Bad Girls Club. Chico knows he could close this, but what expense will this leave him with? He knows the chick is expensive and doesn't know if his billfold can handle the late nights click-clacking through the ritz of River North in her high-fashion pumps (Luongo will need a big deal to sign with the Hawks). If he gets her, sure it'll be great for a night, a weekend, or perhaps a month, and it will eat at his rival like when Costner closes Rene Russo over Don Johnson at the close of Tin Cup, but is the juice worth the squeeze? Metaphorically, of course.

Chicago White Sox- Make or break territory, Chico. Tough sledding. Chico's on date #3 with Whitney, a girl who he out-kicked his coverage to land in the first place, but he admits he has been on point in rounds 1 and 2 (first half of the season). Free-flowing convo, picking up tabs, playful, flirty humor--he's been an all-star. But, that conversational wall is lurking on the horizon and nobody can ever tell how far it is ahead of Chico's line of sight. Sure, he's got confidence, but will it last? What will he do in heeding the unforgivable awkward silence? From personal experience, this is exactly where the fold occurs. Can Chico make it, or will Whitney's ex (the Tigers) and his starch-washed Oxford shirts from J. Crew prove to be too much to handle. Only time will tell, Chico. You always miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Chicago Cubs- This is all a trust game, Chico (Cubs with Epstein). Let her go on that vacation to the Virgin Islands. She's either going to cheat on you (another slew of horrible contracts for the Cubs and he moves back to Boston), or your patience with her will become fruitful in the long run. You invested in her and now you're pot-committed. I know it's hard to hang out with all these losers currently (the Cubs' atrocious lineup). Just wait and see what the fruits of your labor look like in a few years.

Chicago Bears- You got a hot babe, Chico. But, the fact of the matter is, your best friend's is hotter (Green Bay Packers). You tried to go slumming a little bit and prove that you guys are bigger party animals (pick up convicts like Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffrey), but your best friend's girl (insert Rick Springfield joke here) has been bringing the heat for years now. Also, your girl needs to get in the gym and tighten up that body (sign Forte NOW), or you're going to get passed up like you're standing still. All you can do is hope their relationship hits some rough patches and gets stale while you two look for the nearest karaoke bar to cover "I Got You, Babe" like Sonny and Cher.

Illinois Basketball/Illinois Football- In both cases, Chico is embarking on blind dates (new coaches). Although the show on UPN Power 50 would suggest otherwise, these hardly work out. Plus, the way these potential dates were described to you by the matchmaker were less than ideal (two Simpleton coaches from mid-majors in Ohio). Maybe you can catch a flash in the pan and find the spark, but it's a rainy night and you have a book of matches with about 3 to spare. Good luck.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man took the favorite and was bit last by the NL staff that conglomerated for a shutout of a vicious AL All-Star lineup. Since there are no games today, he has the day off. He deserves it.

Now I'm done. Rack Me.

Frost

Don't Leave Me Teague Tied

Much like Arnold Schwarzenegger, women's leggings, and His Airness himself, Chicago Sports Noise is making a temporary comeback. The summer months have rendered me feeble and television-spent. Simply put, there are not enough episodes of the Real World: St. Thomas to service a full-day,and as much as I love getting my DDoD (Daily dose of Scott Disick) and his unflappable head of Pantene Pro-V infused flow, the free agent market of the NBA has me too pent up with confusion and amelioration to let it go unvoiced.

Coming off of what can be classified as one of the most disheartening seasons in recent memory for the Chicago Bulls, they now find themselves searching to temporarily piece together a roster that will be void of the face of their franchise. When the indestructible D. Rose succumbed to a non-contact knee injury (don't watch the link; you'll hate me) in the waning moments of a seemingly sure-fire victory, Chicago residents from the North Shore to the South Loop breathed a collective a gasp of anxiety. And, as the subsequent losses only proved how the non-potent Bulls would wilt against the Sixers like a Rose devoid of water (no pun intended), the news of Rose's prolonged absence had Bulls fans thinking only one question for the free agent summer of 2012: What will this team look like in 2013?


Considering the disposition of NBA players has shifted from a competitive breeding ground as it was during the Bush and Clinton administrations of the early 90's to a friendship-laden, AAU-like, "let me just be with my friends" infantile mindset that it has become under Bush and Obama's campaigns (ironic, eh?), the Bulls find themselves with some serious catching up to do (or Keeping Up to do, if you work for E!).

Steve Nash, the most sought after member of the free agent class of 2012, has clearly expressed that his favorite book of all time is The Color Purple and will be shifting shades and moving to Hollywood to play with another player who already dominates the ball. It's hard to even fathom what Kobe, Pau, and Nash will look like in purple and gold, but it might render something comparable to Crosby, Stills, and Nash on a healthy amount of hallucinogenics: all messed up with nowhere to go.

With Brooklyn proving as "trendy" as tortoise-rimmed Ray-Bans and rolled up denim, and with Houston offering ludicrous contracts to role players like their some bizarro version of the LA Clippers, Gar Forman is nesting the Bulls just where they need to be.

With the selection of Marquis Teague with their late-first round pick in last week's draft, the Bulls clearly went with the "best available" route like a late-night Lincoln Park single at Beaumonts. If this trend continues, it would render them letting Houston have Omer Asik for a preposterous amount of money for 6 points and 9 boards a game (rough estimate for 2013). The Bulls would most likely then go after Nazr Mohammed or Jordan Hill, who are both very capable of backing up our pony-tailed Parisian, Joakim Noah, at the 5 spot.

With the signing of the ol' Captain, Kirk Hinrich, the Bulls brought back a fan favorite who sold more tank tops to teenage white girls than Express and Forever 21 combined (the Pulse Man has one as well). In due time, fans at the Madhouse will be donning rec specs like bad-visioned teenagers with a resounding love for athletics. This signing leaves the Bulls with an immediate solution to Rose's absence if CJ Watson ventures outside of the 312 for increased cash flow, which is very plausible considering there are now 7 or 8 really relevant teams in the NBA due to the game's biggest superstars conglomerating like "Bros 4 Life"; seriously, get these guys some wooden paddles and a copy of the Greek Alphabet. Way to go, Lebron.

The Bulls will still need some work, though, and my favorite options left in the free agent pool for Chicago, regardless of whether they are pursuing them or not are: Jeff Green, Lou Williams, and JJ Hickson. You have no idea how hard it was for me to not include Delonte West on that list, but I just don't think that there are enough doughnut shops in Deerfield to keep this man happy.

As an NBA fan, I'm anxious to see how the next few weeks shape up in free agency and who ends up where. As a Bulls fan, I genuinely trust Gar Forman; albeit with the worst first name in professional sports.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man will return to duty tomorrow. He cannot operate on 24 hours notice. If you are wondering about his general well-being, let it be known to the world that he has a borderline girlfriend. If that's not enough information, please stay tuned and keep reading.


Now I'm done. Rack me.

Frost

*sorry for operating under this new, fairly ghetto URL. www.chicagosportsnoise.com was sold to an internet wholesaler who currently uses it to move sporting goods. It is in no way, shape, or form associated with this website.*

Playing it Off

With yet another impressive weekend in which the Bulls swept through their competition, it might be time to start looking ahead. The "MVP" serenades during D. Rose's free-throw routine have began to enter into the redundancy period for me after I saw Comcast air a middle-aged woman in a low-cut tank top with seemingly the same Basketball acumen as my 2nd grade school teacher mouthing the words to the popular chant during the Milwaukee telecast.

The swooning from analysts has become all too commonplace as the Bulls are a virtual lock to close out the season as the Eastern Conference's #1 seed. Not that I'm jumping to any conclusions prematurely, but the Bulls have 10 games left and still have the T-Wolves, Pistons, Raptors, Cavs and Nets ahead on their schedule (worst case scenario: 6-4).

With a two game lead on the C's for superiority in all things basketball East of the Rockies, it's safe to say the Bulls have their hand in the glove. Then again, we are in Chicago--albeit a long ways away from Wrigley field and the goat sacrificing that goes on up there--we are still conditioned to expect the worst.

So without any further deliberation, let's get to the matter at hand (I'm a few credits short in my aspirations to become Atticus Finch). Who will the Bulls play in the opening round? Historically, the top seed has had no problem winning these incommensurate match-ups, but we don't want the Bulls droning through a 10-day tango either. Here is a comprehensive list of the possible opponents Chicago might see in the opening round.

Sixers - (-16.5 GB, 1-1 vs. CHI) The Sixers are certainly an interesting and intriguing bunch. Since the Bulls played them in the playoffs last during the 1990-1991 season, Philly has adopted a new logo, reverted back to the original logo, drafted Iverson, worshiped Iverson and then traded Iverson. It's funny to think that the Bulls now have a Turkish center and the former face of Philly's franchise is playing in a second-tier Turkish league. Also during this time, the Garbage Picking, Field Goal Kicking, Philadelphia Phenomenon was released starring Tony Danza. Strange days indeed.

Not to mention, Doug Collins coached the Bulls during the initial Jordan years of the late 1980's and was canned just in time to watch the Zen Master rattle off 6 titles in Chicago. If you're Doug, that's like getting divorced by your wife, having her marry a quasi-Buddhist monk with a Scottrade account, earning enough money through said account to use their rolled up singles as Q-tips and rolling papers, and then invest their equitable assets into forming the most lucrative dynasty the NBA has ever seen. Sounds like you missed out, Doug.

But the 2011 Sixers have been marked by their potential. Elton Brand and Andrea Iguodala have been around the block in the heart of blue-collar "Rocky Country", but the added youth of Jrue Holiday, Jodie Meeks, Thaddeus Young and Evan Turner have labeled the Sixers as overachievers this season and have kept Doug Collins name in the Coach of the Year debate. Can they beat the Bulls? No, but Doug Collins has enough X's and O's up his sleeve from broadcasting 54,329 games on TNT over the past 5 years to push it to a 5 or 6 game set--exactly what can trip the Bulls up in the future.

Knicks-(-18.5 GB, 2-0 vs. CHI) New team, new style, same bad blood between the Bulls and Knicks. Xavier McDaniel and Anthony Mason might be face up in the sun in Boca Raton after 4 back surgeries each, but I assure you that if the Bulls play the Knicks in round 1, there will be some hard fouls issued similar to the ones of old.

What scares me about the Knicks is what scares everybody about the Knicks--they can score on anyone. Carmelo and Amare can fill it up against the best team defenders in the world, and have proven that to some extent during their brief partnership together in the Big Apple. The Bulls have showed the capability to win without scoring in the triple digits this season, which is a testament to how far they have come as a team on the defensive end.

But, they have also shown that if Rose goes ice-cold like the scene from Cool Runnings where Sanka (Doug E. Doug) gets stuck in the Ice Cream truck, they can go an extended period of time without scoring. Now I would hesitate to call Carmelo and Amare tough-nosed, blue collar guys, but I think Toney Douglas, Chauncey Billups and Landry Fields provide them with that "chip on your shoulder" mentality that the Knicks always held near and dear during the John Starks era.

I wouldn't feel comfortable seeing the Knicks in round 1 because of their potential to follow through with the unfathomable. Realistically though, I don't think they have a chance to make a deep run this year judging by their lack of interest in defense, and they have an assistant coach named Dan D'Antoni--that can't help. Still, they're 2-0 versus the Bulls already this season so what do I know?

Pacers- (-22 GB, 1-3 vs. CHI) It is no secret that Indiana is the most Caucasian-laden team in the NBA, and believe it or not, that includes Utah. Jeff Foster, Mike Dunleavy (currently injured), Josh McRoberts and Tyler Hansbrough all see time for the Indiana 'Race'-ers. Throw some unathleticism in the middle in the form 7'2'' center, Roy Hibbert, and you have a possible Eastern Conference 8 seed.

The Pacers really haven't made much noise since Larry Legend stepped down from Head Coach and appointed someone that he never really liked, and people trusted less than an ex-girlfriend with an assortment of dirty texts at her disposal. Since then though, the Pacers have been winning the "right" way, and presumably the "white" way based on the talent pool they move through Conseco Fieldhouse every home game.

In fact, the Pacers knocked off the Bulls last Friday in an overtime thriller that saw the Bulls as a lethargic, shot-missing bunch carried much of the way by their MVP point guard. Knowing that Rose almost willed the Bulls to victory on a night when the rest of their team shot an equivalent percentage to a young student on a spelling pretest doesn't bode well for Indiana basketball fans. Go Butler, maybe the Pacers can lure Brad Stevens to the league, or else I think he's destined for a PLAYGIRL cover.

Bobcats/Bucks- (-23 GB/-24 GB, 2-2 vs. CHI, 0-4 vs. CHI) Lastly, the two teams on the outside looking in on the 2011 NBA Playoffs are the Charlotte Bobcats and the Milwaukee Bucks. As a proud owner of a Charlotte Hornets quarter-zip Starter jacket, I'm ashamed to say that the Bobcats actually exist...not that anyone has noticed. They are consistently making mindless trades in order to get them out of the red and their most recognizable face is in upper management. Nothing in Charlotte is necessarily peachy.

They did beat the Bulls twice earlier in the year, but that was when they still held the rights to Gerald Wallace, a guy who always gave the Bulls problems. Now, you can conceivably argue that Stephen Jackson is their best player (seriously, look at their roster). I feel that their only reason for existence is for Michael Jordan to use the Bobcats as a forum in finally succeeding in helping the world understand what he once saw in Kwame Brown, and therefore I would love to see them in round 1.

As for the Bucks, we saw them fold up like paper in fire again in Milwaukee this weekend and had no answer when the Bulls flipped the switch (lot of cliches there, I apologize). The Bucks are 0-4 against the Bulls this year and don't pose much of a threat with their current roster. However, if they can somehow get healthy for the road ahead (except for Michael Redd, he'll never play a full season again), they could instill a little fear in their opponents to go along with their Christmas color scheme. God bless whoever they have in merchandise sales.

With all of that being said, the Bulls still have games against the Celtics and Magic to use as a measuring stick heading into their second season. But, if all goes according to plan, one of these teams could have a date with D.Rose in the conference quarters...buyer beware.

As for Pick of the Day, it's been a while since the Pulse Man has bet, but as always he is anxious to get his money out and lay on the table. For tonight, the Pulse Man advocates for the Stanford women giving 9 points to the Gonzaga Lady Bulldogs in West region play of the Women's NCAA Tourney. He's an equal opportunity employer, and a ladies man, so get off of his back.

Pick of the Day: Stanford (-9) vs. Gonzaga- STANFORD

Record:(61-49-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

King(s) of the East

Currently, I'm watching the halftime show of the Bulls/Hawks game in which the Bulls have amassed a 29 point first half lead. So forgive me if I go off on a tangent about Brent Barry's meticulously gelled hair and window pane suit complete with the fashionable accent color handkerchief. The dude has the tightest sideburns in the broadcasting business. Can you believe this guy has participated in both the 3-point showdown and the dunk contest? Has anyone besides Brent ever done that? Not to mention, he's Caucasian and his old man looked as if he was growing a tail every time he stepped to the charity stripe. I'm not sure what his wife was thinking running around with Tony Parker; I guess some guys just can't catch a break. Either way, with Kenny "The Jet" Smith and Greg Anthony covering the NCAA tourney and taking a brief hiatus from analyzing the NBA, I sure am glad that this halftime show is over. TNT is going to blow up (no pun intended).

As for the game, for the second night in a row the Bulls are on a scoring binge comparable to a Paul Westhead team of the mid 1990's. They hung 132 on the Sacramento Queens last night and cemented the NBA's decision to contract that futile franchise in California's Central Valley. The Bulls won 132-92 last night. That's 40 points...during the 40 days and 40 nights of the Lent season. Where is Josh Hartnett when you need him? Then again, where is he when you don't need him? I haven't seen that scrub since Black Hawk Down.

With the Bulls tied for the Eastern Conference lead with the Boston Celtics, they are now attracting some extra shmooze from basketball gurus like "The Czar" Mike Fratello and Timmy Legler. Additionally, the Bulls can conceivably beat out the Celts for the 1 seed judging by their schedule from here on in. For instance, Memphis, Milwaukee, Philly, Minnesota, Detroit and Toronto in their next 6? I'd honestly rather play those teams than mow through the bottom half of the Pac-10. The talent distribution in the NBA is atrocious. Asking teams like Sacramento, Detroit and Minnesota to compete is like sending Jimmy Eat World into the studio to try and recreate Springsteen's "Born In the U.S.A." album.

With the Bulls' offensive production reaching new heights over the course of the past few days, you can only hope that they can save some legs for an extensive postseason push. With Rose leading the pack for the MVP crown and Thibs on the short list for NBA Coach of the Year, the Bulls need to remain focused and stay hungry like Kelly Clarkson after she won American Idol.

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Turkey Time

The last time I heard the phrase "Turkey Time" uttered, it was 2006 and the Pulse Man was throwing an undercooked turkey burger over the right field fence during regional baseball play at Lake Zurich High School. Since then, he has applied at the school for employment and for some strange reason was hired. Also during that 5 year span, the Bulls scouted and signed Turkish center, Omer Asik, who is winning over Chicago's collective heart one impressive performance at a time.

There are currently 5 NBA players who hail from the Eurasian country that stretches across the Anatolian peninsula in western Asia and Thrace in the Balkan region of southeastern Europe. These players include Hedo Turkoglu, Mehmet Okur, Ersan Ilyasova, Semih Erden and Omer Asik. By no matter of happenstance, these players seem to all possess the same greasy hair and lack of defensive prowess that the Euro league holds near and dear; except Omer. This 24 year old, 255 lb. Doug P. Wynn look-alike has been a product of rapid improvement for this year's Bulls. Earlier this month, the "Turkish Delight" became the first player in the longstanding history of the NBA to record 10 rebounds without even attempting a field goal. Aside from his unselfishness on the offensive end, Asik has solidified himself as one of the most active interior defenders in the Eastern Conference. Although his full name has more umlauts and accent marks than a German Heferweizen, the fans in this great basketball city are starting to become familiar with his name, his game, and his 7-foot frame.

When the city was up in arms after Chicago refused to deal their reserve big man for an overrated, troublesome OJ Mayo, I was confused. The only way I would want to acquire Mayo was to use him as a condiment if we somehow acquired Hedo Turkoglu from the Magic, making the Bulls the first team in the history of American professional basketball to be able to successfully compile a certifiable "turkey sandwich".

In holding onto Asik, the Bulls maintain the rights to the man in the middle who is currently holding onto these stats--2.26 PPG, 3.90 RPG, +5.49 Efficiency rating (an underrated stat). Even though those may seem like small potatoes for this particular Turkish import, I'm sure his presence in the post will prove to be invaluable during the last months of the season and on into the playoffs. Just look at what he's done over the course of the past 4 days. His 4 point, 9 rebound performance in Atlanta was the lone bright spot in the Bulls' unimpressive defeat in the dirty south. Then on Friday, he posted a 5 pt., 13 board performance against the NBA's top center, Dwight Howard, and only got posterized by the genetic freak on one occasion. Ladies and gentleman, the man, the myth, the Omer.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man thought the Heat would rebound to beat the Spurs on Friday and they ended up concluding their weekend apparently shedding tears in their own locker room. I guess he was a bit off. For Monday night, the Pulse Man likes Gonzaga to maintain their stranglehold on the West Coast Conference and defeat St. Mary's Australian-laden roster by more than a point.

Pick of the Day: Gonzaga (-1) @ St. Mary's- GONZAGA

Record:(60-45-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Call In the Butler

Any Bulls fan who is really jacked that the Bulls just picked up Rasual Butler off of waivers must have about the same basketball IQ as Leighton Meester. Seriously, that's like being thrilled to see a discounted movie with your boys at the local plex knowing all too well that you're signed on to sit through 2 hours of Kevin James comedy. Should you be happy the Bulls picked up a piece to aid in their 3-point shooting struggles for the playoffs? I guess so, but Rasual Butler wasn't exactly what I had in mind.

Currently, the former LaSalle Explorer from uptown Philly is averaging 5 points and 1lonely rebound per game for the LA Clips. Oh wait, I forgot to mention, he also garners a little more than 1/2 of an assist per game as well--I can't forget to pay homage to his unselfishness. After he was acquired by the Bulls, Rasual provided us with the following tremendous insight into what exactly we got ourselves into, "I'm a good individual defender. A good team defender. Shooting the ball is my skill. That's the one thing that I am known for is shooting the ball. A catch-and-shoot guy; a one or two dribble pull-up guy. Just a smart, cerebral player. Not going to make many mistakes. A team player." Wow! Apparently aside from being a 32.3% field goal shooter this season and an absolutely unmemorable contributor on one of the NBA's worst teams, Rasual happens to be the most literal player in the league. But my question is, if Rasual is "good" at such a wide-variety of basketball skills, how in the hell was he waived by the Clippers?

Upon further research, this unfortunate situation could have happened to Rasual for a multitude of reasons. Perhaps Clippers owner Donald Sterling wasn't overly impressed by Butler's recent cameo performance in Trina's "Here We Go" music video. As an under-financed rap video aficionado myself, Butler should have instead opted for a cameo role as a member of the Slip N' Slide All-Stars in the much applauded Trina/Trick Daddy duet, "Take it to the House". Oh well, we all make mistakes.

During the wee hours before the trade deadline, the Bulls let a series of enticing opportunities to upgrade at the 2 spot slip through their grasp. When peppered with criticism for remaining idle while the rest of the East upgraded, Bulls players and management alike reassured the Bulls faithful that they like what they already have in place in Chicago and didn't want to jeopardize team chemistry. Understandable. But signing a 3 point shooting power-forward in the midst of the worst statistical season of his career doesn't make much sense to me either.

Butler's duties as a member of the Bulls roster will coincidentally be quite similar to the daily tasks performed by an actual butler (think Geoffrey from Fresh Prince). He won't get much tick and certainly won't be able to put his self-proclaimed "good shooting ability" to work on the floor at the UC. What he will do is engage in mindless banter on the far end of the bench with Scalabrine and waive the occasional towel when the Bulls enjoy a 2nd half run. More importantly, during the final minutes of blowouts we will now have to endure the "Call in the Butler!" promo on the scoreboard to accompany the teenage girls hopelessly screaming for Scalabrine. Could be worse.

As for Pick of the Day, Big 10 POY canidate Jordan Taylor scored 39 points on 55 Wisco posessions and shattered the Pulse Man's chance at covering the UNDER. For the weekend, the Pulse Man likes the Heat to bounce the league-leading Spurs in San Antonio tonight. Ballsy pick. I dig it.

Pick of the Day: Heat @ Spurs- HEAT (moneyline) +110

Record:(60-44-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Bosh Spice

The fact that the hashtag "#BoshSpice" was trending on Twitter was reason enough to write a nice little passion piece on how much of a fame-hungry moocher Heat forward Chris Bosh is. He has surpassed Derrick Fisher as the official "Coattail King". The fact that he shot the lowest field goal percentage by a pro (1-18) with at least 18 attempts since 1973 was pathetic. The fact that he should have won a SAG award for "Best Power Forward in a Post Defender Role" with his dramatic flop on Carlos Boozer was downright pitiful. But the fact that Chris Bosh, despite an awful performance, kept letting it fly like he was "heating up" in NBA Jam T.E and remained, without a doubt, the downright ugliest player on a floor that included an apparent seik (Carlos Boozer) and a Russian extra from a documentary on the Ottoman Empire (Zyrdunas Ilgauskas)is perhaps the most paltry of points. Although I would thoroughly enjoy devoting 3,000 words to demean every athletic and personal achievement that Chris Bosh has made in his entire life, including why on Earth the attached picture was ever taken, last night was about the Bulls.

When LeBron and Wade rushed out to an early lead while effortlessly throwing down highlight caliber dunks in transition, I'll admit, I thought the Bulls were going to struggle to keep the Heat under the 100 point benchmark, which usually spells trouble. But the Bulls depth was influential in keeping Chicago within striking distance and helped propel that massive 3rd quarter turnaround. The Bulls may have stood pat on the trade deadline, opting for a "hold the Mayo" approach in courting a new shooting guard, but Omer Asik was all over the window Thursday night. Double digit boards for the Big Turkey when people would have been satisfied just to see him put together an English sentence under his own power in September...no small potatoes.

Even though the Bulls' lead expanded and contracted more than Deena's waistline from the Jersey Shore, the Bulls held together like glue. With Bosh continuously laying bricks from all areas of the floor, the Bulls kept their bounce and used strong 3rd and 4th quarters from both Deng and Rose to help keep them in control of the game. Through every circus shot by Wade and LeBron that fell through the rim, through every worthless tidbit of Reggie Miller's analysis, the Bulls pressed on.

It's hard to describe in words what Derrick Rose does for the Bulls in the waning moments of the game, and last night was no exception. It is rare to see the poise of a cagey veteran wired into the floor game of such a young and talented megastar. He had the notion to can the deep two when the defense allotted him space, and he showed immeasurable trust in Luol by dishing him the rock in the corner with the game on the line. You'd think that by now D.Rose would have channeled his inner Stromile Swift and be understandably worried about some paternity suit or drug trafficking ring, but he has maintained his focus and stays a leg up (in my own objective opinion) in the MVP race.

And Lastly, yes, as most of you already know, Stacey King did tell me to "go to bed" last night via Twitter after I calmly told him to 'pump the breaks' following a series of utterly lame jokes. That's fine. When you lose, you lose. King Stacey-1, Chicago Sports Noise-0.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man suffered defeat at the hands of the Bulls' stifling 2nd half defense last night as they failed to cover the over. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes the new-look Knicks taking the Cavs by more than 7.5 in Cleveland. Giving them baron Davis is going to prove entirely worthless and Harangody can't save a city on his own. Cavs still suck.

Pick of the Day: Knicks (+7.5) @ Cavaliers- KNICKS

Record:(58-42-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Rap Sheet

For as much as I've used this blog as a platform to ruthlessly poke fun at the Toronto Raptors this season, I must say that I'm officially embarrassed today. I made those irrational comments a while back about people only being interested in the Raptors if they were to employ all denim unis and I think I may have even mentioned that I'd rather be in the D-League living on rye bread and Ramen than be under Jay Triano's watch as a Raptor. But Wednesday night,the purple dinosaurs from Ontario provided the Bulls with a much needed wake-up call before their showdown with the Miami Heat.

During the 1st quarter of last night's contest, the game resembled the first two meetings between the Bulls and Raptors so far this season--fast paced, high-scoring and hardly at the professional level defensively. Chicago was scoring at will in transition and Joakim literally pulled down every rebound he could get his hands on off the glass without a single Raptor challenging him. Noah had 10 first quarter rebounds in 8 minutes. The Bulls looked alive and alert despite Andrea Bargnani putting on a clinic from the low block on Taj Gibson.

In the second quarter, Ronnie Brewer found himself as a catalyst for 3 straight steals on 3 consecutive possessions. Triano had to call a timeout, calm down his squad, and make sure that everyone on the floor understood that #11 in red was not an offensive option for their team. Despite these instances of absolute superiority by the Bulls, I've got to say, the Raptors were impressive in the 2nd half and earned the W. Granted, the Bulls were pitiful, but the Raptors made me wonder.

Scrolling down the Raptor's roster, I figured out that Toronto has multiple players with the most unassuming names in the league. For instance, Ed Davis? He sounds like a guy who would hand you his business card at a corporate Verizon wireless store and expect you to ask for him by name the next time you supposedly "dropped your cell phone in water." In actuality, he's a 20 year-old rookie with stupid athleticism who had previously made use of the largest cotton t-shirt in the history of the human race during his days at UNC. Then you have Sonny Weems, a swingman from the deep south whose name lends itself to a combination of Adam Sandler's characters from the prime of his career--Big Daddy (Sonny Koufax) and Mr. Deeds (Longfellow Deeds). If that doesn't really start to make you think twice about the Raptors roster, look at former #1 overall pick, Andrea Bargnani. The Italian superstar nicknamed "Il Mago" (the magician) has to receive countless accidental google searches for people looking for Andrea Bocelli, the award-winning Italian tenor who also stakes claim as one of People Magazine's 50 most beautiful people. Throw in a sharp-shooting point guard with a name that sounds like a handsome Spanish prince (Jose Calderon) and an off-guard who has an uncanny resemblance to a garden snake (Leandro Barbosa) and there you have them, the Toronto Raptors.

After giving up 118 points to these Canadian misfits, Thibodeau had to have been spitting nails in the locker room. Simultaneously, as the Bulls were getting chewed out and then enduring a disheartening flight back to the Windy Cindy, James Johnson was enjoying an attractive french-Canadian Ontarian and his new promotion from 12th man to starting small forward. "Everything can change in the blink of an eye" -Bulls marketing slogan, 2002

As for Pick of the Day, the Grizzlies worked the T-Wolves in Minny and got Pulse Man his betting victory. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes the OVER in the Bulls/Heat game which is set at 192.5. After their defensive display last night, it should make for an easy cover.

Pick of the Day: Heat @ Bulls, total points-192.5- OVER

Record:(58-41-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Point-ed Argument

The Chicago Bulls and the Utah Jazz, ever since their rivalry sprung into the national spotlight in the mid-to-late 90's, have always represented paradoxical ideologies. It's Mormon country and mountains of snow pitted against hipsters and the biting breeze of the Windy City. It was Stockton's nuthuggers versus Jordan's baggy shorts. It was Hornacek wiping his sideburns to commemorate his children juxtaposed with Rodman wearing a wedding dress on the weekends. The entire rivalry became somewhat of an anomaly.

Years later, things have changed drastically, but the intensity between these old rivals still lives on. The Delta Center has now become Energy Solutions Arena, but the Salt Lake City venue still confines one of the more passionate fan bases in all of sports into one ear-piercing arena. Similar to the raucous crowds that professional basketball in Utah has become so accustomed to, their front-man remains the same--the ageless Jerry Sloan. After Jerry was fired as the Bulls' head coach in 1982, he has since went on to become one of the most successful coaches in the history of the NBA in Utah and has become the longest tenured coach in North American professional sports. He has stapled the Jazz franchise with a devotion to gritty defense and has remained faithful to the pick and roll offense that has kept him successful for nearly 25 years at the helm. And, after Jazz management surrendered 3/5 of their scoring production to Chicago, Sloan still has the Jazz making sweet music (no pun intended) in the NBA West (6 spot).

But with the age old Bulls/Jazz NBA Finals rivalries in the rear-view mirror, the importance of these two teams meeting has shifted into showcasing one of the league's most captivating spectacles. No, I'm not referencing Kirilenko's pumpkin pie haircut versus Joakim's ponytail, it's Rose vs. Williams. Watching Derrick and Deron run the show for their respective teams last night advertised two of the best lead guards in the game. Ever since Rose has blossomed (no pun intended, again) into superstardom, his critics have been hesitant to classify him in the same breath as Chris Paul, Steve Nash and of course, Deron Williams.

But last night, the Rose/Williams rivalry didn't exactly live up to its hype. For example, Rose had 29 and 7, with some big shots sprinkled in that don't exactly make the box score, but he was 11-26 from the floor. If you don't understand exactly how many hoists 26 shots is, Monta Ellis leads the NBA in field goals attempted (1,025) and pops off roughly 20 times a game. Deron, on the other hand, only had 11 points to go along with 12 assists in a 40 minute body of work. Obviously, neither player reached the heights that they were capable of in last night's affair. Maybe because they held each other in check, or maybe it was because it was a meaningless interleague tilt on a Wednesday night in the Great Salt Lake (one of the more bad ass music videos and songs of all time).

Don't get me wrong, I love both of these guys. Both are explosive off the dribble in penetration and both have tirelessly worked to make great strides in improving their jumpers since they've entered the highest level of basketball competition. Not to mention, they both have questionable arm tattoos (Rose has that Merlin-like wizard that reads "Poohdini" on his arm and Deron has that oversized Black Panther sprawling his shoulder). These players have a lot of similarities and both have used the Land of Lincoln to stage some of their finest accomplishments. In the end, maybe this was Boozer, Korver and Brewer's night in their return to Beehive state. We'll have another chance to see Derrick measure himself against one of the finer guards in the league on Saturday against CP3. Hopefully he's on point, get it?

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man has slipped to 52-38 after suffering a loss at the hands of the Evansville Aces earlier in the week. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes his alma mater, the EIU Panthers, getting a 15.5 point spread tonight at Morehead State. I don't think he knows much about Morehead, but 15.5 is a whole lot of points. Two words: Panther Pride.

Pick of the Day: Eastern Illinois (+15.5) @ Morehead St.- EASTERN ILLINOIS

Record:(52-38-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Blazed and Confused

You've got to give it to Rip City. They've been to hell and back this year and still have managed to put out an enjoyable product for those loyal Oregonians. Their stud, Brandon Roy, who Ron Artest referred to as the "best player he's ever played against (other than his boy from Queensbridge)" has worse knees than Broadway Joe Namath. And, if that wasn't bad enough, their fabled #1 pick from a few years back has made more of a splash with his MMS messages more so than his actual on-court performance. Still, with an aging point guard with the most generic skill set in the NBA and one of the most underrated and versatile post players in the league, Portland maintains the 8 spot in the NBA's talented Western Conference.

You can go ahead and chalk up the Oden #1 overall pick as a mistake at this point. Even if he salvages his injury-riddled career that he has had thus far and turns into a cross-breed between Patrick Ewing and Dikembe Mutombo, there is no way his ceiling will eclipse that of Kevin Durant. There's just no way. But Portland hasn't used the "Ballad of Sam Bowie" or the "Omen from Oden" to keep their franchise from succeeding. Sure, they had that stretch a few years back when they could barely field a roster because the majority of their team was incarcerated. But that's over now, Rasheed's a happily retired man, Zach Randolph has resurrected his career, if not his morals, in Memphis and Darius Miles is probably filming the sequel to The Perfect Score so he can finance his next crack rock purchase. Portland has now chosen to put their team on the shoulders of Andre "Air YMCA" MIller and LaMarcus Aldridge, who exploded for an impressive 40 on the Bulls' array of below-average interior defenders last night.

Maybe I haven't watched the Blazers enough because I like to think that I have better things to do when their games air on TNT at 10:30 PM every Friday, but they truly impressed me last night. Much like the Bulls who have had to undergo most of the season without key members of the roster, the Blazers have done the same. And, again, like the Bulls, they are impressing people. Even after giving Wes Matthews the most undeserved contract in the history of professional sports this offseason (5 years, $34 mill for 16 PPG and 3 RPG), they are still holding on to playoff life. Last night, LaMarcus Aldridge solidified himself as one of the better 4's in the league in my opinion. Obviously, it didn't help that Boozer can't defend his own shadow and Taj Gibson is undersized for his position. Regardless, Aldridge was downright impressive. In watching him last night, I came to realize a few things that would make any Bulls fan cringe. First, the Bulls originally drafted Aldridge (#2 overall in '06) but then traded him to the Blazers for their picks, which in turn became Tyrus "The Human Goaltending Violation" Thomas and Viktor Khryapa, who is either the Latvian president or a power-forward who is no longer in the league. Good trade, right? Next, I came to the conclusion that Aldridge and Durant were one year apart at Texas. Imagine those two athletic freaks sharing the floor together in Austin... my god.

Overall though, I don't think last night's loss was a bad loss for the Bullies, at least not as bad as losing to the Warriors in Oakland was the game before. Rose provided the highlight of the week with his 'shoulder-blade-tap' throwdown in the 4th, and Luol had some bright moments as well. Portland is a formidable squad. But with that being said, it would have been nice to come out on top of Joel Przybilla (The Vanilla Gorilla) and the rest of the Blazers with Utah and New Orleans coming up on the schedule. The wild, wild west is a dog eat dog world.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man experienced a fairly successful Super Bowl besides the fact that he bet on his arch nemesis, Jordy Nelson, to not cover his quota and he almost ended up leaving Dallas with the MVP trophy. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes Northern Iowa in a pick em' game over Evansville in Indiana.

Pick of the Day: Northern Iowa @ Evansville (pick em)- NORTHERN IOWA

Record:(52-37-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

The Lost Boy

After being held captive at home for 36 straight hours, I truly feel like a P.O.W. (Prisoner of Weather) Over the course of these last two days, I have subjected myself to some of the most bizarre behavior I could have ever imagined. For instance, I not only watched, but ORDERED "Going the Distance" with Justin Long and Drew Barrymore. After viewing it, and as much as it pains me to say, enjoying it, I told the Pulse Man that the only downfall of the movie was the casting of Drew Barrymore (she was as bad and as unattractive as ever. Plus, she was playing a role at least 8 years her Junior). Intelligently, the Pulse Man replied, "Yea, but it was realistic at least. No one else is dumb enough to fall for Justin Long." The following day provided no more enthusiasm or zest for life from yours truly as I once again found myself watching "A Walk to Remember", a romantic comedy starring Shane West that was made 9 years ago! Now, we all know that I only partook in watching "A Walk.." because of my deep affinity for Mandy Moore and her rousing portrayal of a shy, wholesome SLD (sexy, little demon-shout out El Don). But, her character's ability to see past the flawed, rugged exterior of Landon (Shane West), and see the good in him has inspired me to look at the 2010-2011 season of Luol Deng from an entirely different perspective. I suppose that I'm scratching the bottom of the barrel here, but it was all I could come up with. I should probably lock myself in my bedroom and listen to the "Silver Side Up" album cover to cover only to remind me that things can in fact, become worse.

Think about Luol though, does anyone else receive less of a fair shake than him? Ok, maybe Cutler. But we have burdened Luol with expectations entirely out of his capacity since the Bulls acquired him through the draft as a 19 year old. Every time Deng has a good game, we throw it in our "use him as trade bait" vault like holding onto him is going to cause the entire roster to come down with Trachoma (disease of the Sudan. Don't look it up). Does anyone else see LD as a piece of the Bulls' puzzle that has only fit together for a handful of games so far in this season's first half? In the past, maybe we have set the bar too high for Deng. He was a young-20's kid on a team with less talent than Season 8 of American Idol (the one where Kris Allen won. I know, who?). But now with a bonafide superstar at the point guard position and another All-Star manning the low-block, perhaps this is the best possible situation for Luol Deng to emerge into his potential. How many other 3rd scoring options in the NBA have put up 40 this season? Luol has.

If you think that I'm trying to rationalize his contract with you, I'm not. It's a ludicrous deal. Luol Deng has more money than Davey Crockett, but is that his fault? The Bulls' front office personnel are the feeble-minded morons that gave it to him. Yet when you watch the Bulls in mixed company and Deng misses an open 18-footer, you hear endless insensitive "I wish Leo would have mowed him down in Blood Diamond" jokes that really aren't warranted. This happens every time. Listen for it. People hate Luol Deng. Yet Deng and Bogans are the only two Bulls who have started every game for the division leaders so far this year. Rose might just get the MVP this season and Boozer will probably be an All-Star. Hell, Noah might be the NBA's Defensive POY 4 times before his tenure in Chicago is over, but can you really put a price on a reliable 3rd option? Sure you can, $11,355,850 for 2010-2011. Not a penny more, not a penny less.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man likes Blake Hoffarber and the rest of the Golden Gophers to clip Indiana in Assembly Hall by more than 3.5 tonight. It's Groundhog Day, why not pull for the rodents?

Pick of the Day: Minnesota (-3.5) @ Indiana- MINNESOTA

Record:(51-36-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Kurt-ain Call

If you didn't catch a glimpse of the Bulls/Bucks game last night on Comcast, you probably won't understand, or be able to fully comprehend the contents of this blog. So, if that's true, you have my permission to ex out the screen and go back to ebaumsworld, or brazzers, or wherever the hell you were before you stumbled upon this website. If you didn't watch though, you surely missed out. If you have been reading this blog long enough, you know that although they hail from Wisco, I sincerely enjoy the Milwaukee Bucks because of their personnel. I've made it clear that CDR has been my boy since his days lookin' off hoes at Memphis, and if Selsun Blue ever needed a campaign spokesperson, they need not look any further than Andrew Bogut. Then again, that dude takes less showers than a roadie for the Queens of the Stone Age, so that might be counterproductive. Anyway, CDR dropped a career-high 30 and Bogut was ripping boards (16 in the first half) like he was working the graveyard shift in the lumberyard. How could these two Bucks possibly be out-staged you may ask? One answer: Kurt Thomas.

I must admit, when Boozer and Noah went down and the Bulls signed "Big Sexy" and started to get him some decent run and even threw him in for the occasional start, I was skeptical. To be honest, I thought he was cut out of the "Todd Collins" mold. In case you are unaware, that's the "how are you still in professional sports after a decade and a half of complete mediocrity?" mold. But, the second oldest player in the league at the ripe ol' age of 38 has impressed me with his performance this season, specifically on the offensive end. KT has been fairly consistent knocking down the 16-20 footer for the Bullies, but what he did to the Bucks last night was downright dirty. Thomas had 8 straight 2nd quarter points on his way to garnering a 22 point, 9 board performance that had Scott Skiles, and the rest of the free world (including the 313) scratching their heads.

You have to give it to Kurtis. Just churning out season after season on 38 year old wheels that act as the only source of stability in carrying a 240 lb. frame with an extraordinarily beefy upper body. And to boot, there is one aspect of Kurt Thomas that goes unnoticed and needs to be mentioned. He has a completely uncanny resemblance to the character of Jerry Johnson from the smash hit, Little Big League (seriously, watch this). He can act, he can defend, and he can stroke like he's Mike Phelps in the lap pool. "Oh, don't do em like dat Big Sexy" -Stacey King

As for Pick of the Day, the Bucks were one more Ersan Ilyasova miracle shot away from a backdoor cover in Chicago, but they failed to deliver. For tomorrow night, there isn't much on the table so the Pulse Man will take a much needed day off and gear up for Wednesday's festivities.

Record:(47-34-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Heat Check

For the first time in the young year of 2011, Chicago becomes 'witness' to the Holy Triumvirate. No, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit aren't making a guest appearance at Holy Name Cathedral on Saturday. Instead, LeBron, Wade and that 6'10'' left-handed extra-terrestrial roll into Chi-town still yielding the 2nd best record (30-11) in the Eastern Conference (behind Boston 29-9) despite losing two straight to the Clippers and the Nuggets. I repeat, losing to the Clippers and the Nuggets--a perpetual third-tier Western Conference bottomfeeder and a team plagued by more possible trade implications than the ever-strenuous relations between Cuba and United States. Sure, Lebron's ankle/hamstring/ego injury has sidelined him in both of these woeful losses, but this game is still one of the most anticipated regular season contests for the Bulls so far in this season's first half. Perhaps LeBron was trying to prove a point in his absence over the last week, revealing that the Heat are merely lukewarm (no pun intended) without the presence of the most explosive athlete in professional sports. Or, perhaps he's just a yellow belly (it's a tragedy nobody used this term after 1950) who can't grind through an injury for his team. By no means am I a "LeBron hater" and I promise you that I have never uttered the phrase "LeLoser", but I'll still take the latter in this case.

But this game has deeper value for the Bulls than simply one-upping LBJ as an artificial ego boost. It is a chance for the Bulls to show that they can beat both teams that they trail in the conference standings at the United Center. Last week, the Bulls proved they could outlast the Celtics behind a jubilant United Center crowd poised for a promotional Big Mac. On Saturday, they will once again have to rise to the occasion against the most top-heavy team in the history of the NBA (...and that officially marks the first time I've ever used the phrase 'top-heavy' negatively in my entire life, what a shame).

But as Derrick Rose's legend grows with each astonishing fast-break embarrassment of an opposing defender, the Bulls inch closer to becoming a legitimate contender for the Eastern Conference crown. Outside of the City of the Alamo in which the Spurs simply don't lose, and Gregg Popovich never changes facial expressions, the Bulls and Celtics are tied for the 2nd best home record in the NBA at 17-3. But, as well as they've played at home, the Bulls have lost to the Nets, Bobcats and Sixers on the road. If you didn't know any better, you would think that I was rehashing the road results of the miserable Cavaliers, who incredulously failed to score 60 points against the Lakers earlier this week. If the Bulls put one in the W column on Saturday night, even if LeBron is absent from class, it would be a statement win to the rest of the Eastern Conference. Almost a sort of "Bright Lights" (I truly am sorry for this link) welcoming to the spotlight for the new-look Bulls. Just remember the lyrics Rob Thomas so beautifully echoed through the speakers of your parents' Camry in 2004, "If the bright lights don't recede you, just turn yourself around and come on home", we know you can always win there.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man finds himself in the midst of a 2-bet plunge for the first time in 2011. In order to find a way out of his losing streak, he has put his faith in Aaron Rodgers and the Packers to dethrone the #1 seed in the NFC, or at least cover the 2.5 point spread. Often times, when everyone thinks something is going to happen, it never does (Seahawks surprising Saints last week). But in this case, I think Aaron Rodgers is going to have his "Yes, I have a mustache. Yes, I'm sleeping with Erin Andrews. And Yes, I'm the best damn quarterback in the NFC!" type of game. I don't like the Packers, but he's hard not to like. Go ahead Aaron, show Atlanta the effing belt! Packers/Bears NFC Championship would be incredible. Undoubtedly the stuff that ruins friendships. Da da da, duh da da da....GO PACK GO.

Pick of the Day: Packers (+2.5) @ Falcons- PACKERS

Record:(45-32-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

No Joak, let's Booze

I hate to be the "I told you so" guy, I really do. But in the case of the Bulls' recent winning ways, I think it is only necessary. Remember when I told you that the Bulls should try and deal Joakim Noah when his stock was sitting on top of Dante's Peak? Well, I told you so. And remember when I told you that rebounding was the most disposable stat in the NBA? I hate to sound like a repetitive Carrie Underwood, but I told you so. The Bulls have won 4 in a row and 13 out of their last 15 without their "monkey in the middle". In Noah's absence, Boozer has proved why he is one of the best 2nd round steals in the last decade. He has surprised us all with his ability to consistently finish around the rim and his all-around craftiness makes him a top candidate for a job at the local West Side Hobby Lobby as soon as the off-season hits. Take away his terribly tatted arms and bad facial hair and there really isn't much to dislike about the Boozehound.

Since he has returned from his household hand injury, Carlos has amassed numbers that solidify him as one of the better low-post presences in the East: 20.6 PPG, 9.8 RBG, 54% FG. He can clean the glass just like Joak, but he gives the Bulls a ton more on offense. Hell, Kurt Thomas gives you more on the offensive side of the ball and he's literally a rolled ankle away from a hospital bed at Northwest Memorial Hospital. I know you may like Joakim and think he's a 'great piece' for the Bulls, but it's easy to see how much better the Bulls offense flows without him dressed. Rose can run a pick and roll and actually use the screener as a viable second scoring option now. And seriously, if you're going to bring up rebounding, just ex out your browser and go watch MTV Jams for a few hours until you feel sorry for yourself. Anyone can rebound in the NBA. Look at a few of the league's top 10 rebounders: Anderson Varejao (just straight-up sucks, he might as well be Justin Guarini), Emeka Okafor (fell off the face of the Earth after UCONN) and Zach Randolph (I literally thought he was still incarcerated). There you have it. If you're going to eat 32-35 minutes for a contender, you have to do something else besides rebound. I'm sorry, this isn't the Mid Suburban League.

With the Raptors, Nets and Sixers next on the schedule, the Bullies should be able to extend this winning streak to 7 without really having to break much of a lather. The last time the Bulls played Toronto, the game was over before much of the crowd realized that the Raps traded Vince Carter, T-Mac and Chris Bosh all over the past decade only to draft Andrea Bargnani with the #1 overall pick. The only way the Raptors can make people notice them in this league is if they came out in denim uniforms for the rest of 2011. It's not a bad thought. After all, it is Canada. As for the Sixers, they only lost by a cool 45 last time they squared off against Chicago, so they should come out with a point to prove. Trust me, they won't. And lastly for New Jersey, the Bulls beat them by 9 on New Year's Eve while only shooting 39% from the field. Plus, they have Brook Lopez and Sasha Vujacic playing on the same team. If that doesn't spell defeat, I should go back and get lessons from Andrew Lay.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man has decided to throw two bets on the table tonight with his Sugar Bowl pick already in play. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes UCONN covering the 5.5 points they are getting in South Bend from ND. Kemba Walker is just straight stupid with the basketball, and I mean that in the most gratifying way possible.

Pick of the Day: UCONN (+5.5) @ Notre Dame- UCONN

Record:(42-30-0)

Now I'm done. Rack Me

Frost

Roses are Red

If it were up to Stacey King, all we would know about Derrick Rose is that he could "go upstairs" and "he's from Chicago". Good, that only narrows it down to every resident of the third largest city in the Unietd States that resides in a two story building. Thankfully, we have the gift of the national media and basketball virtuosos like Tim Legler and Chris Mullin (great player, great haircut, awful analyst) helping us formulate the "Derrick Rose for MVP" campaign that has sprung so far this season. So far this year, D. Rose has compiled some Juwanna Mann-like numbers: 24.7 PPG, 8.3 APG, 4.4 RPG. Not to mention, Derrick is sporting a 42% clip from 3! I don't even think he shot 42% from the free-throw line in his one-year tour of Memphis. Regardless, Rose has been nasty. He's the driving force behind the current 8-game winning streak that the Bulls have in tact and is solidifying his name amongst guys like Paul, Deron, Nash, and Rondo as the best PG in the NBA. Did I mention he is only 26 months removed from being able to purchase his first Four Loko?

On Tuesday, when Derrick displayed his reckless abandon to the hoop that us fans all adore, he was catapulted into the air horizontally like Bucky Lasek (the only character I remember from Tony Hawk Pro Skater on Gamecube) on a warehouse half-pipe. For that solemn few seconds, the city held its breath and hoped Derrick Rose wouldn't break both wrists, stripping him of the ability to: 1) continue to dismantle Eastern Conference foes with his ball-handling wizardry, and 2)to effectively do the "Bossy" dance from the Kelis music video. All kidding aside, after I saw the replay I thought Derrick would for sure have sustained some sort of wrist injury, and as always, I was right. Although Derrick only received a sprain, all wrist injuries are painful. Think about how many daily tasks you need a healthy wrist to perform: writing, making 3 point turns.....other household tasks (wink, wink). Like big toes and A&W Root Beer, wrists are underrated. And the worst part about wrist injuries is, without rest, it's just going to linger like a single by the Cranberries in 1999.

I am alarmed mostly by this injury because Derrick's wrist directly coincides with his ability to make jumpers, which affects how the Bulls play, which affects whether or not the Bulls win, which ultimately affects Derrick Rose's chance of winning NBA MVP. I know this sounds like some sophomoric, meaningless flow chart from Lord of the Flies, but it's true. We know Derrick is not going to let himself take time off, and now with Joakim dressed in $32,000 pleated slacks on the Bulls bench, he's going to be asked to shoulder more of the burden, with one good wrist! Hopefully the Bulls can weather the storm and keep this current winning streak alive and well.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man completely underestimated how bad the Clippers really were. As the strolled into halftime with a 3 point lead Wednesday night, he was confident. Then, in the second half, the Clips couldn't reach the 20 point plateau in either quarter and they went on to lose by 15. Awful, awful basketball. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes the over in the Chargers/49ers tilt in San Diego, which is set at 45. Get back on that horse and ride.

Pick of the Day: 49ers @ Chargers, total points-45- OVER

Record:(40-26-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

4 Guys, One Game, One Promotion: BULLS/THUNDER 12-6-10

As I mentioned in yesterday's blog, the Pulse Man, Jack "The Body" Groot, Uncle Poklop,and myself were fortunate enough to attend the Bulls vs. Thunder showdown on the West Side Monday night, all made possible by my sister's boyfriend, one Douglas P. Wynn. From being a passenger behind the wheel in the Pulse Man's gold Trans Am as he nervously and impatiently navigated through Chicago traffic, all the way to seeing the look on The Body's face when he realized he wasn't going to be able to cash in on his free promotional Big Mac, the trip was a magical ride. But, in case you were wondering (I'm almost positive you aren't), here is how the night went down.

Pre-game drive: The group picks me up anxiously ready to let the journey begin. All four of us unemployed, all four of us optimistic. Three of us are dressed in Bulls t-shirts (Me: outdated Ben Gordon T-shirt jersey, Poklop: never before worn Lou Deng T-shirt jersey, The Body: a shirt his Mom bought him at Dick's sporting goods) and the Pulse Man has on a Blackhawks hooded winter jacket that was seemingly bought before the Clinton administration. We hop on 94 only to sit in traffic while curiously taking in the tremendous sights of the off-highway landscape of the northern suburbs. After a few miscellaneous comments on how much traffic is the armpit of big-city life, Uncle Poklop decides to make things interesting by opening the Twitter application on his newly purchased Droid phone. As most of us already know, UnclePdog (that's his handle) is awe-inspiring with the Twit-world at his fingertips. Acting solely on impulse, he decides to tweet at a young woman whom we attended high school with, but neither of us has ever spoken to, and confidently says "hey, me and @frostyaustin (my handle) have to speak at a clinic in East Lansing (where this young woman attends school) next Tuesday and was wondering if we could do #brunch." Of course, we all anxiously await a response from said girl which ultimately never comes. As we approach the area in which the UC is located, we decide as a group to not put ourselves in danger by occupying a car that is going to be parallel parked by the Pulse Man, and instinctively jump at the opportunity to each pitch in a 5 and opt for the closest spot next to the arena facilitated by a West Side drug lord. As we stroll to the will-call window to pick up the tickets that Doug said he would be leaving there, we encounter one small problem--there are no tickets left at will-call for us. Great thing to do to a prospective brother-in-law during the middle of December, Doug. Well played. After a short deliberation and a few mentions of hypothetical situations in which we never receive tickets, Doug meets us at the main entrance, hands us our tickets, and says "enjoy the game you f*#%-in dorks." What a nice guy?

Inside the stadium: As we make our way up the escalators at the 'Madhouse' to find our seats, we are all excitedly gitty considering none of us have attended a Bulls game since their disheartening team slogan was "Everything Can Change in the Blink of An Eye" after they traded Elton Brand for Tyson Chandler and a half-decades worth of losing seasons. We get to our seats in time to see the starting lineups, but also realize we did not get to the gate early enough to receive our complimentary Carlos Boozer bobble-head dolls. Who wants to see a pencil-thin chin strap on a plastic figurine anyways? I call it a blessing in disguise.

1st quarter: As the Thunder roll through the starting lineup introductions, the Pulse Man mercilessly booes Nenad Krstic as soon as he is introduced over the sound system, instantly prompting two middle-aged women one row in front of us to 'look back in anger' and panic as to where this ever-casual, always cordial, Douglas Wynn character may be for tonight's game. I make a comment to 'The Body' about Krstic's haircut, and how it is definitely amongst the worst in the NBA. Krstic proceeds to score the first 6 points of the game for Oklahoma City. Go figure. Also putting on a tremendous first quarter display was C-Booz, hitting a variety of nifty post floaters to contribute to the Bulls first quarter surge into the lead. He looked damn good running the ol' pick and roll with D.Rose too. Maybe this guy is ok minus his facial hair and self-inflicted injuries. Who knows? Midway through the 1st, Jack and I go to grab some grub from the concourse concession stand. I buy a pretzel, nachos, and a large diet and Jack opts for one of the tail-end slices of Connies pizza (much to his dismay) and a Bud Light. He compliments me with an "aggressive order" remark, mentions that his pizza was "less than he expected", and chalks it up as a concession mishap--not something he takes very lightly (no pun intended). Also in the 1st, a stadium "dance for your supper" promotion ensues during a Thunder timeout. When Michael Jackson pumps through the stadium speakers, 'Ad. Exec X' fails to impress the crowd and is showered with boos. Only to follow suit, his competitor, Insurance Salesman Y provides the same lame dance moves and is once again pooped on by a chorus of boo birds. The promotional staff decides that there is no contest winner and orders each man, stripped of his dignity, to return to his seat. Bulls lead 24-22 after 1.

2nd quarter- Uncle Poklop proclaims that he has never before worn his Lou Deng t-shirt jersey and fosters a Cam Newton-esque pay-for-play campaign in which he unzips his jacket a little more every time #9 gets a bucket. Lou has a productive 2nd frame and prompts Uncle Poklop into zipping down about half-way down at the break. This process was met with the same anticipation that Elizabeth Berkley's first nude seen was in Showgirls on VHS when you were at an 8th grade sleepover. Midway through the 2nd frame, an underpaid group of morons draped in McDonalds tracksuits come to our section wielding Bulls t-shirts like their the universal cure-all for AIDS, Cancer, and childhood obesity. They start chants, they race up and down the aisles, annoying the game's casual fans. The Body yells angrily "get a haircut and get the hell outta here" and the entire group soon retreats to a different section in the 300 level. Also in the 2nd, Kyle Korver ignites the Chicago offense with a pair of triples. The Pulse Man is excited because Korver is his favorite Bull. Uncle Poklop makes fun of his socks and knee-pads, that virtually show no skin on his entire lower body, and The Pulse Man backs Kyle with all of his heart. What a loyal guy. Bulls up by 5 at the jump.

Halftime: Two male Circus Ole performers covered in gold paint hold each other up in the air in the weirdest, most overtly sexual positions possible. The Body asks me "Is there any way they can make the circus more heterosexual? Why does it have to be two guys? Why do they have to use the splits a double-digit amount of times? And really, why do they have to be covered in gold paint?" I agree wholeheartedly and the conversation turns to who we expect to be our New Year's Eve make-out, like either of us really have any legitimate prospects.

3rd quarter: Honestly, probably the weirdest quarter. We decide to all enter the 50/50 whimsically on a team-oriented concept and promise that we will all split the money if we win (we are all 21 mind you, sounds like a deleted scene of Stand By Me). When approached with the hypothetical question, "What would you do with your $1,000?" Uncle Poklop responds:"Give my parents a check for one thousand, tell them to go on vacation and leave me alone for a month". At first, we weigh the pros and cons of this "wish". Then, we realize there are no pros considering Uncle's parents have no jurisdiction over his current life, and that they only share the same roof. We call Poklop nuts but he still insists that this is exactly what he would do. Pulse Man opts for the obligatory "stripppppp clubbbbbb" response. Meanwhile, the Bulls are putting together an impressive 3rd quarter, holding Durantula and the Thunder in check to a measly 18 3rd quarter points to the Bulls 29. In the closing minutes of the 3rd quarter, D. Rose splits a double team and goes up-and-under for an acrobatic layup, fostering ooohs and ahhhs from the UC crowd as the replay hits the stadium scoreboard. That cat can go upstairs. And to boot, D.Rose hits a half-court runner to end the 3rd. M-V-P, M-V-P chants make their way around the stadium. Jordan-like stuff for the youngster. 82-66 Bulls after 3.

4th quarter: Things start to get very interesting. Upon entrance to the game, everyone received promotional coupon booklets that state that if the Bulls score 100 points and win the game, that everyone in the stadium is entitled to a free Big Mac from McDonalds. And at 82 after 3 quarters, the Bulls look like a lock. Still reeling from his poorly approached concession stand trip in the 1st quarter, The Body becomes rejuvenated by the thought of two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce,cheese, pickles and onions all on a sesame-seed bun. All four of us conceive the plan that due to The Body's excitement, we will all donate our free Big Macs to The Body's extending stomach. He is enthralled with joy. After a long-winded fourth quarter filled with unnecessary Kevin Durant free-throws in order to fill his 28 point quota, the conspiracy theory kicks in. Like in the magic bullet theory with JFK, and also much alike to the Seinfeld second-spitter story, weird things start to happen. CJ Watson begins to dribble like the 4th guy off the bench from the Woodstock Freshman B Squad and the refs call a technical on Carlos Boozer after he finishes a fast-break layup. They're icing out the Bulls, and The Body is pissed! Luol Deng hits a jumper to put the Bulls at 99 points and Uncle Poklop is now fully unzipped, revealing his Lou Deng t-shirt jersey. The Thunder score a quick bucket. Tension is at an all-time high. With approximately 35 seconds left, and Derrick Rose aimlessly dribbling around half-court, the crowd rises to its feet, nervously kicking and screaming,pointing for Rose to attack the basket. The Body, The Pulse Man, Uncle Poklop, and myself are clearing the vocal pipes from section 330...Rose launches a runner...airbank. The dream is dead. I even heard from an outside source that Neal Funk mentioned Bill Wennington was "noticeably upset" the Bulls couldn't eclipse the century mark, leaving the pallets of the collective United Center unquenched. Have a safe trip home, fellas. Bulls win 99-90.

There you have it. I believe I have managed to capture the essence of a Monday night trip to the United Center without ever really enlightening you to the happenings of the game at all. Hope you enjoyed a run-of-the-mill Monday night. I sure did.

Record:(37-25-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost