Strong but Ferentz

What a difference a year makes. Last December, Iowa was prepping for Georgia Tech and the BCS, anxiously awaiting to be shipped (no pun intended) to the FedEx Orange Bowl. As an underdog, the Hawkeyes marched into Miami Gardens, outplayed Georgia Tech, and became college football's Midwestern media darling. Ricky Stanzi established himself as the most renowned Iowan since Ann Landers. His famous "Love it or Leave it" proclamation became the official soundbite of a middle-American 4th of July. Rural Iowa rejoiced in complete dental reconstruction, Iowa undergrads immersed themselves in $1.00 U-Call-its--the whole state relished in the gaiety. But with great success comes immense expectations, and the 2010 Hawks were no exception. With a great deal of notable players returning and a schedule catered to Kinnick Stadium, Iowa expected to compete for the Big-10 title. After all, they had arguably the best defense in the country, a 3 headed monster in the backfield, and an unflappable head coach. But, nobody in college football lived the "what goes up, must come down" fall from grace over the past year than this group of men in gold pants.

Today, somewhere in South Dakota, a fan-favorite of the 2009 Orange Bowl Champs, Brandon Wegher, is trying to find the misplaced bottle of a pre-marital newborn instead of the endzone. Strangely enough, reports say that Wegher will be both a Daddy and a Jackrabbit (South Dakota State) next season. For Jewel Hampton, his potential has always intrigued, but his ability has never amounted to much in the Iowa backfield. He has proven to be an explosive runner at times, but is also unfortunately saddled with Shawn Bradley's knees and a hankering for spending too much time at Johnson County watering holes; two things that have kept Jewel out of nearly 2 complete seasons at Iowa. Either way, like Wegher, he is also seeking a transfer. And lastly, after an impressive regular season in 2010, starting running back Adam Robinson has been suspended for the Insight Bowl for "conduct detrimental to the team" (one of my all-time favorite quotes). No one knows yet what Adam did, but I'm sure it wasn't serving too much soup to the Iowa City homeless or skipping practice to read books at local elementary schools. If you're still counting, we're at 3 inactives, 2 transfers, 1 suspension, 1 underage drinking ticket, and 1 child. Remember that 3-headed monster we talked about earlier? Now it looks like the Monstars in Space Jam before they got a hold of Muggsy Bogues and Larry Johnson's skills.

As if the problems at running back weren't enough, Kirk Ferentz has just been enlightened that his school's all-time leading wideout, and senior captain, Derrell Johnson-Koulianos, has been pushing coke on campus like he's a modern-day George Jung. He was arrested last week for running a "drug house" after he was put up for adoption as an orphan because his mother had been an addict. Where does the acorn fall? Use some of your drug money to rent The Blind Side, Derrell! Oh, and good thing you told those cops that "you didn't want any trouble" when they seized your house. You have a plethora of amphetamines, a cocaine buffet, and a magnetic scale--you guys shouldn't have any trouble, don't worry about it. As a result, Johnson-Koulianos ended up in the last place Iowa's staff wanted to see him, the Johnson County Courthouse. He will undoubtedly be suspended for the Insight Bowl, and his draft stock will plummet, but hey, his name will live on in the phonebooks of Iowa undergrads who are in need of some 'booger sugar' for decades. I guess there's something to be said for that.

Even with all these recent allegations against the football team, Iowa struggled to perform to their potential even when the team was at full-strength this season. They got off to a fast start, but the heartbeaking loss to Arizona in the desert to an amp'd up Mike Stoops led them to waver from their path. Their highly-touted defense underperformed and Stanzi was simply asked to do too much throughout the season, resulting in a late-season burnout against Minnesota. Still, there is something to be said for the stoic Kirk Ferentz, and his highly respected Iowa football program through all of this turmoil. In most situations in the NCAA, the head coach would find a feasible explanation as to why DJK was pushing weight in his campus duplex or why A-Rob can't get it done in Intro to Acting 103. But, without much deliberation at all, Kirk kicks these guys to the curb faster than their baby mamas. He has to. With his own sons anchoring the Iowa offensive line, Ferentz has to hold everyone accountable to the same standard in order to keep the balance between corn-fed farmhands and city-quick position players in tact. In the end, Kirk cannot control the sexual exploits of his running backs, or the fact that his star flanker wants to turn his off-campus house into the Colombian drug cartel. But, he can control the way he reprimands them. By dismissing them from the team immediately like he always has keeps integrity close to the program. It might result in a loss in the Insight Bowl, but really, who cares?

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man seems to have conquered another frontier in betting in the NBA, more specifically, betting against the Minnesota Timberwolves. He currently makes more money off the T-Wolves road losses than he does at his actual job (no actual job). For tonight, the Pulse Man likes the Clippers getting 5 points on the road in Philadelphia. I know the Clippers are terrible, but the Sixers aren't exactly the 96 Bulls either. The Pulse Man bets it will be a battle to the end.

Pick of the Day: Clippers (+5) @ 76ers- CLIPPERS

Record:(40-25-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Passed Away

Notre Dame football is a ship that literally cannot be sinking any faster. I thought the Titanic went down fast, this thing's going down like a wooden door navigating the Pacific. A famous proverb reads "No wind blows in the direction of a ship without a destination", and this quote likely out of one of those "successories" posters couldn't describe the situation in South Bend any more accurately. Take for instance, a quick look at the events that have unfolded during the last week on the campus with the golden dome. First, tragedy struck both the Notre Dame campus and the northwest suburbs alike as the news of Long Grove, IL native Declan Sullivan's death spread through media outlets across the country (including his eerie messages on Twitter). Next, the Irish lost their QB Dayne Crist for the year with a torn-up knee and are forced to throw Freshman Tommy Rees into the fire, who has now become my 3rd favorite Lake Forest High School alum behind actor Vince Vaughn and musician Andrew Bird, formerly of the Squirrel Nut Zippers. Then to boot, Notre Dame lost 28-27 at home to Tulsa playing with heavy hearts and seemingly even heavier legs in the most distressing of fashions. I wouldn't even be surprised if the Pope himself turned his back on Fighting Irish football this Fall, as Tony Kornheiser put it "today, is the lowest day for Notre Dame football in as long as I can remember."

It really is hard for me to sit and type this about Notre Dame. I thought Brian Kelly would have some answers and definitely looked a lot better in a navy polo shirt and head set than Charlie Weis' fat ass. But, with a lawsuit the size of the state of Indiana looming on the horizon, Kelly made one of the most STUPID and completely baffling play calls I have ever seen in major college football to close out their final drive on Saturday in South Bend. The scene was this: 2nd and 8 on the Tulsa 24 and a ray of hope keeping the Irish alive as they squeak by the mighty Golden Hurricane of Tulsa on a late field goal on National TV. All Brian Kelly had to tell the Irish offense to do was sit on the football like it were shares of Google stock circa 1998. Instead, strangely enough, Kelly elected to let his Freshman QB take a meaningless shot at the end zone which resulted in an interception from an under thrown ball and surely another disappointing season for ND. At least if you don't have a play, throw the football out of bounds, aren't you going to Notre Dame? You probably have a 32 ACT! Get a god damn clue! In my life I have never seen such ineptitude in late game play calling than I saw on Saturday afternoon. The way that scenario played out made me 100% embarrassed to consider myself a Notre Dame fan.

I used to look forward to seeing Notre Dame run out on the field on NBC, watching their gold helmets glisten in the fall sun and hearing the echoes of Knute Rockne, Ara Parseghian and Lou Holtz all helping to "win one for the Gipper". Now, all we hear is of terror resulting from losses to the Naval Academies and private Universities based in rural Oklahoma. I literally cannot say enough how disappointed I am in Notre Dame. "Notre Dame our Mother, pray for us"....we desperately need it.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man likes the Heat at (-16) tomorrow at home against the joke of a franchise that the T-Wolves have put together in Minny. With the Vikings hitting the skids fast after Randy Moss is now looking for his "straight cash homie" paychecks from a different source and the T-Wolves drafting guards every single year like they're playing games of H-O-R-S-E during the 82 game regular season, the sports world in Minneapolis cannot get much worse. Wait, do the Wild suck too? Yup, they sure do. Not like anybody cared.

Pick of the Day: T-Wolves @ Heat (-16)-HEAT

Record:(27-21-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Football Flirtin'

The table was set--salad forks, real forks, butter knives, steak knives, the whole works. Fresh bottle of red, bread rolls steaming under a quadruple quilted napkin, you could almost taste it. All we needed was the two teams to show up for their 'big date'. Even though Northwestern and Michigan State aren't the flashiest of Big 10 foes, they would have made for an interesting tryst. Both teams would seemingly be heading into the game undefeated with some definite flaws still exposed. Perhaps Northwestern's side of the date had a receding hairline (leading rushing back is a guy named Arby Fields at 160 yards??? Sounds like he should be opening for Big & Rich) and didn't exactly have the most steady of jobs (haven't won a bowl game since the Rose Bowl in 1949, and haven't won the Big 10 since 2000). On the other side of the innumerable text conversations that potential couples now go through before their first date is Michigan St., a modest woman who recently proved herself to be hotter than her best friend (MSU whoops on Michigan last week)the last time you saw her out after a gin mottled happy-hour. But, she hasn't really been in the 'dating pool' recently herself, and just two weeks ago you only were speaking with her to get an in with her roommate who was seemed to be more attractive (Michigan) before she started an unwarranted crying tirade around midnight and took a cab home from the party (Michigan looked terrible last week). It could have been a magical date. Dinner, drinks, more drinks, grind session, more drinks, cab ride home,late night make out, invite upstairs ;). That's how first dates always go right? Well, not for me, and not this one either.

Instead, Northwestern had to crash the party and showed up noticeably inebriated at home against Purdue last week with spilled beer painting the collar of their shirt and sweating like he just ran a 5K. Northwestern had quickly burst into the top 25 after starting from humble beginnings. Nobody expected much of them at the beginning of the season, but they escaped @ Vanderbilt in week 1, then beat up on ISU, Rice, Central Michigan and Minnesota to find themselves at 5-0, needing only a home win versus a Purdue team who had already lost to Toledo earlier this season to place themselves in a date with undefeated Michigan St., and national television. Dan Persa had been a magician thus far and had Heisman numbers (1,663 yds., 173.27 QB rating, 10 TDS) but didn't get any looks like his conference foe Denard Robinson because he plays for a school with more Fields Medal winners than NFL players.

On the other side of the ball, Sparty has used some trickery to stay undefeated and look to be a competitor who nobody thought would hang around heading into the thick of the Big 10 title race. The only thing that worries me about Sparty is that they can't channel the motivation stemming from their coaches heart attack all season long like some bizarro Lou Brown from Major League incident. It's a great storyline, and it looks like MSU will coast into Kinnick Stadium on October 30th toting an undefeated record and will surely give Iowa a test. Either way, it would have been a dream date for Northwestern to match up with the undefeated Spartans. Thanks to Purdue being the grenade that had to drag home a vulnerable, half in the bag Wildcat team last Saturday, I guess we'll never know.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man is up against the ropes again after yet another loss as his record is crab-walking its way back to .500. For tomorrow, he likes Kansas St. taking down in-state rival Kansas in Lawrence Thursday night at (-150). Purple power.

Pick of the Day: Kansas St. @ Kansas- K-STATE(-150)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Record:(23-19-0)

Big Ten Entertainment

The turn of summer into Fall in the Midwest opens our eyes to a few new, tangible things: a little foliage change in the trees, Lake Zurich pursuing another IHSA state title in football, the start of the Big 10 Conference football schedule, and the premieres of a few new shows on HBO. As much as Big 10 backers love packing into Camp Randall, The Big House, or The Shoe on Saturday afternoons, true solace can be found in their respective living rooms around 8 PM on Sunday nights, anxiously awaiting a few terrific hours of TV (wait, it's not TV...it's HBO). If you're me, by Sunday evening you've polluted your body with enough low-grade OnDemand music videos, Brent Musberger comments, and jump-start cups of Joe that the only task at hand is to "get horizontal", pound at least 3 caffeine free Diet Cokes (commonly referred to as Gold Cans or Diabetic Sodas) and get down with some premium cable. As much as the non-conference Big 10 season has proven to us things about each team, a lot of things still need to shake out before a Big 10 champ is crowned. Much like the beginning of any football season, a lot of questions arise with the beginning of a new television season as well. Therefore, after spending a lot of unnecessary time weighing this unnecessary, useless comparison, I give you some of the Big 10 teams vying for conference supremacy this fall, each represented by a show on HBO (Real Sex and Cathouse excluded, sorry Pulse Man).

Ohio State: The Sopranos- Much like the Buckeyes do with the Big 10, the Sopranos run HBO. They have the head man who instills fear in whomever he is dealing with (Gandolfini/Tressel), a once immature starlet who has blossomed into a full blown smokeshow (Terelle Pryor/Jamie-Lynn Sigler). Not to mention, the Bucks have the muscle to back it up in their street-tough underboss Paulie Walnuts (Ohio State's opportunistic and turnover-causing D) and a trustworthy right-hand man in Silvio Dante (OSU Kicker Devin Barclay-formerly of the Columbus Crew). Fuhgetaboutit!

Iowa: Entourage- Great story, trendy characters, immense potential. Had Iowa beaten Arizona in the desert two weeks back, they might be up there fighting with the Bucks for mob supremacy. Instead, the incompetence of their frontman has led to their most recent struggle. For example, Adrian Grenier has to be one of the worst actors in the moving picture era (simply walking scenery regurgitating Hollywood cliches like "eff it, let's all by motorcyles" with a cake-eating grin on his face like a post-adolescent Zac Effron) and Stanzi, well, he laid an egg @ Arizona and was almost bailed out by the combination of his defense and Marv McNutt. Sad to say, it won't be this year that Ari Gold carries Entourage back into the hunt for an Emmy after a series plagued by the extraneous appearance of a porn star (horrible acting by Sasha Grey..can't link that), an entirely unbelievable drug habit/downward spiral, and Turtle's monotonous attempt to become productive for the third straight season. Similarly, Iowa won't be in the BCS hunt this year after their weaknesses were exposed against U of A. Still, it's hard for the devoted faithful of both Iowa and Entourage to realize that this may not be the season they'd hoped for.

Michigan: Curb Your Enthusiasm -Have one main thing in common--the dynamic front man who can turn 'nothing' into something very special (Denard Robinson/Larry David). Although this will undoubtedly be the only time this dread-locked donning speedster and the spectacle wearing comedian will be mentioned in the same sentence, they share very similar characteristics as they pertain to television series' and Big 10 football alike. As Larry and his quirky nuances go, so goes Curb . And with each fleeting footstep of the untied shoe of Denard Robinson, the Wolverines go another week with a win. Both Michigan and Curb have extensive fan bases that are leaning heavily on the attitude and leadership of their wild-card leader. For Big Blue, let's just hope Denard isn't nearly as volatile as LD.

Wisconsin- Boardwalk Empire - I'll tell you what, the previews for Boardwalk Empire looked great. Part Goodfellas mixed with a little bit of Casino, sounds like a great watch. Then...the kicker--Steve Buscemi. Really Scorcese? You probably had your choice of great actors who auditioned for this part and you chose Buscemi based on what? His great character role as 'Crazy Eyes' in Mr. Deeds? I have a hard time taking Buscemi seriously after the plethora of Happy Madison productions he's been in, and now I'm supposed to believe him whacking off prohibitionists in AC? Not for me. Coincidentally, this is the same way I feel about Tolzien leading Bucky to the promised land. I love Scott Tolzien as much as any Northwestern Suburbanite should. I root for him every week, pray that they never show him with his helmet off so the public can't scrutinize his haircut, and sigh in anguish every time he underthrows a simple out route. As much as I like him though, I can't see him taking the Badgers to the BCS. Martin Scorcese is a helluva director and John Clay is a monster, but overcoming the "Happy Madison, WI" curse (no pun intended) will be no easy task.

Northwestern: Eastbound and Down- Hey, the Wildcats are 4-0, and every Chicagoland doctor, lawyer, pharmacist, or stockbroker you know is now the world's largest purple Wildcat fan. Northwestern has developed a bizarre cult following at ESPN--Greenberg, Wilbon, Rachel Nichols, JA Adande, Kevin Blackistone all went to NU and are desperately trying to plug the Wildcats every second they're on the air. It truly is a weird fraternity. On the other side of the coin, Eastbound and Down acquired more followers last year than Gaga's twitter account, and now every time you find yourself around college-aged kids, you hear some dork not clever enough to come up with his own material unwittingly spew some Kenny Powers punchline. Eastbound and Down and the Wildcats both had a great start, but can you really make a lasting show out of cheap laughs (pretty weak schedule for NU) and a lead actor who once had a cameo role in Drillbit Taylor? I guess we'll have to find out. If Northwestern wins the Big 10 and Eastbound and Down's sophomore season turn out to be golden, the metaphor is still kosher.

Michigan St.: True Blood- Never seen it, sometimes it's on before the shows I watch. Simply just scares me in general. The only people I hear about it from are rubes that think Beta House has too much nudity--get real.

The rest of the Big 10: Hung- Irrelevant and miserable. Enough said.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man continues to be burned at the stake like a support actor from The Crucible. But, the weekend is high stakes (no pun intended again, sorry) and Pulse Man has put the women and children to bed and is out looking for supper (shoutout Chris Ask). His Saturday 6 pack is listed below and his Sunday Teaser will make its way onto this blog as soon as he gets it to me. Cheers to the weekend, go get some.

Saturday 6 Pack

2 Team Parlay
1. Northwestern @ Minnesota- Total Points 53.5-UNDER (-105)
2. Idaho @ Western Michigan (+3)- WMU (-105)
Total:(+273)

3 Team Parlay
1. Texas @ Oklahoma- Oklahoma, moneyline (-165)
2. Notre Dame @ Boston College- ND, moneyline (-140)
3. Florida @ Alabama (-8)- BAMA (-105)
Total:(+438)

Big Ticket Pick of the Day:
Ohio State @ Illinois- Total Points-50.5, UNDER

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost