Street-wise

It's the third Friday in October, and for that reason, most Chicago sports fans are presumably thinking about how Illinois managed to recruit an African American quarterback with the last name Scheelhasse (sounds like a member of the Gestapo), why Northwestern lacrosse players aren't half as lewd as Duke lacrosse players, and how is it that the Texas Rangers can have a skipper who got caught with coke yet they make it to the LCS and neither Chi-town club can sniff (no pun intended) an October baseball game. While all those were interesting story lines sometime this fall, the first cool breeze of October may remind us of a few things: it's not windbreaker weather anymore (put away your track jackets Pulse Man), and college basketball season is lurking in the near future. During these next few days in mid-October is generally when teams begin to participate in organized practice. What a great time of year--3 hours in Assembly Hall listening to Bruce Webers strangled voice..ehh, not for me. A little pre-season trash talk between the new coaches from Chi-State and UIC..ok, let's get this thing going.

Normally, I would reference the point that both Chicago St. and UIC are meaningless programs to me. Neither school has been relevant since pogs and beanie babies controlled my life in the mid 90's and Chicago St. making fun of UIC is like Creed calling Nickelback lame or Snooki telling Jessica Simpson to "go read a book". But, with 3 of the 4 city slickers (DePaul, UIC, Chicago St./ No Loyola) under new winter management, I suppose we can entertain the idea that a rivalry could be a good thing and a little bad blood is just what the doctor ordered (once again, no pun intended).

Chicago St.'s new coach, Tracy Dildy was once a player at UIC himself and then went on to be an assistant coach for the Flames for a few seasons. However, somewhere during his "educational career" someone forget to explain the theory of logical rationale to T. Diddy. He recently made the brash presumption that "UIC is scared to play Chicago St." and that is why they took the mighty green Cougars who were perennially one of the worst D-1 schools in the country not long ago, off the schedule this year. First of all, the two teams haven't met since the 2005-06 season and even then, it was a meaningless game between 2 sub .500 teams. Also, that game generated less buzz than a public intox ticket in Old Town. You couldn't have given Sweet Dick Willie from "Do the Right Thing" a free 40 oz Camo Ice to attend that game. Perhaps with both teams trying to rebuild a new face for their program, it would have been nice to see the rivalry restored but to tell UIC that they're 'scared' of Chicago St.'s talented bunch that went a whopping (9-23) last year and last to Olivet Nazarene AT HOME...I don't think so T. Diddy. Maybe you wanted to settle an old score with Howard Moore, or wanted a chance to get back at your alma mater. But publicly calling out UIC has a better chance of getting settled in a back alley off Diversey Parkway rather than at the Pavilion or the Jones Center.

As for Pick of the Day, K-State made a statement in Lawrence last night beating their in-state rivals 59-7 giving Pulse Man his 24th win. It's Friday again, and that means its time for the Pulse Man to drain the contents of another Saturday 6 pack and fall asleep on his parent's couch while leaving the oven on again. The picks of the week are posted below.

Saturday 6 Pack:

2 Team Parlay:
1. NC State @ East Carolina (+7.5), ECU
2. Arkansas @ Auburn, Total Points (60.5)-UNDER


3 Team Parlay:
1. Iowa @ Michigan- IOWA, moneyline
2. Ohio St. (-4) @ Wisconsin- OSU
3. Air Force (-1) @ San Diego St.- AIR FORCE

'Big Ticket' Pick of the Day:
SMU (+1.5) @ Navy- SMU

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Big Ten Entertainment

The turn of summer into Fall in the Midwest opens our eyes to a few new, tangible things: a little foliage change in the trees, Lake Zurich pursuing another IHSA state title in football, the start of the Big 10 Conference football schedule, and the premieres of a few new shows on HBO. As much as Big 10 backers love packing into Camp Randall, The Big House, or The Shoe on Saturday afternoons, true solace can be found in their respective living rooms around 8 PM on Sunday nights, anxiously awaiting a few terrific hours of TV (wait, it's not TV...it's HBO). If you're me, by Sunday evening you've polluted your body with enough low-grade OnDemand music videos, Brent Musberger comments, and jump-start cups of Joe that the only task at hand is to "get horizontal", pound at least 3 caffeine free Diet Cokes (commonly referred to as Gold Cans or Diabetic Sodas) and get down with some premium cable. As much as the non-conference Big 10 season has proven to us things about each team, a lot of things still need to shake out before a Big 10 champ is crowned. Much like the beginning of any football season, a lot of questions arise with the beginning of a new television season as well. Therefore, after spending a lot of unnecessary time weighing this unnecessary, useless comparison, I give you some of the Big 10 teams vying for conference supremacy this fall, each represented by a show on HBO (Real Sex and Cathouse excluded, sorry Pulse Man).

Ohio State: The Sopranos- Much like the Buckeyes do with the Big 10, the Sopranos run HBO. They have the head man who instills fear in whomever he is dealing with (Gandolfini/Tressel), a once immature starlet who has blossomed into a full blown smokeshow (Terelle Pryor/Jamie-Lynn Sigler). Not to mention, the Bucks have the muscle to back it up in their street-tough underboss Paulie Walnuts (Ohio State's opportunistic and turnover-causing D) and a trustworthy right-hand man in Silvio Dante (OSU Kicker Devin Barclay-formerly of the Columbus Crew). Fuhgetaboutit!

Iowa: Entourage- Great story, trendy characters, immense potential. Had Iowa beaten Arizona in the desert two weeks back, they might be up there fighting with the Bucks for mob supremacy. Instead, the incompetence of their frontman has led to their most recent struggle. For example, Adrian Grenier has to be one of the worst actors in the moving picture era (simply walking scenery regurgitating Hollywood cliches like "eff it, let's all by motorcyles" with a cake-eating grin on his face like a post-adolescent Zac Effron) and Stanzi, well, he laid an egg @ Arizona and was almost bailed out by the combination of his defense and Marv McNutt. Sad to say, it won't be this year that Ari Gold carries Entourage back into the hunt for an Emmy after a series plagued by the extraneous appearance of a porn star (horrible acting by Sasha Grey..can't link that), an entirely unbelievable drug habit/downward spiral, and Turtle's monotonous attempt to become productive for the third straight season. Similarly, Iowa won't be in the BCS hunt this year after their weaknesses were exposed against U of A. Still, it's hard for the devoted faithful of both Iowa and Entourage to realize that this may not be the season they'd hoped for.

Michigan: Curb Your Enthusiasm -Have one main thing in common--the dynamic front man who can turn 'nothing' into something very special (Denard Robinson/Larry David). Although this will undoubtedly be the only time this dread-locked donning speedster and the spectacle wearing comedian will be mentioned in the same sentence, they share very similar characteristics as they pertain to television series' and Big 10 football alike. As Larry and his quirky nuances go, so goes Curb . And with each fleeting footstep of the untied shoe of Denard Robinson, the Wolverines go another week with a win. Both Michigan and Curb have extensive fan bases that are leaning heavily on the attitude and leadership of their wild-card leader. For Big Blue, let's just hope Denard isn't nearly as volatile as LD.

Wisconsin- Boardwalk Empire - I'll tell you what, the previews for Boardwalk Empire looked great. Part Goodfellas mixed with a little bit of Casino, sounds like a great watch. Then...the kicker--Steve Buscemi. Really Scorcese? You probably had your choice of great actors who auditioned for this part and you chose Buscemi based on what? His great character role as 'Crazy Eyes' in Mr. Deeds? I have a hard time taking Buscemi seriously after the plethora of Happy Madison productions he's been in, and now I'm supposed to believe him whacking off prohibitionists in AC? Not for me. Coincidentally, this is the same way I feel about Tolzien leading Bucky to the promised land. I love Scott Tolzien as much as any Northwestern Suburbanite should. I root for him every week, pray that they never show him with his helmet off so the public can't scrutinize his haircut, and sigh in anguish every time he underthrows a simple out route. As much as I like him though, I can't see him taking the Badgers to the BCS. Martin Scorcese is a helluva director and John Clay is a monster, but overcoming the "Happy Madison, WI" curse (no pun intended) will be no easy task.

Northwestern: Eastbound and Down- Hey, the Wildcats are 4-0, and every Chicagoland doctor, lawyer, pharmacist, or stockbroker you know is now the world's largest purple Wildcat fan. Northwestern has developed a bizarre cult following at ESPN--Greenberg, Wilbon, Rachel Nichols, JA Adande, Kevin Blackistone all went to NU and are desperately trying to plug the Wildcats every second they're on the air. It truly is a weird fraternity. On the other side of the coin, Eastbound and Down acquired more followers last year than Gaga's twitter account, and now every time you find yourself around college-aged kids, you hear some dork not clever enough to come up with his own material unwittingly spew some Kenny Powers punchline. Eastbound and Down and the Wildcats both had a great start, but can you really make a lasting show out of cheap laughs (pretty weak schedule for NU) and a lead actor who once had a cameo role in Drillbit Taylor? I guess we'll have to find out. If Northwestern wins the Big 10 and Eastbound and Down's sophomore season turn out to be golden, the metaphor is still kosher.

Michigan St.: True Blood- Never seen it, sometimes it's on before the shows I watch. Simply just scares me in general. The only people I hear about it from are rubes that think Beta House has too much nudity--get real.

The rest of the Big 10: Hung- Irrelevant and miserable. Enough said.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man continues to be burned at the stake like a support actor from The Crucible. But, the weekend is high stakes (no pun intended again, sorry) and Pulse Man has put the women and children to bed and is out looking for supper (shoutout Chris Ask). His Saturday 6 pack is listed below and his Sunday Teaser will make its way onto this blog as soon as he gets it to me. Cheers to the weekend, go get some.

Saturday 6 Pack

2 Team Parlay
1. Northwestern @ Minnesota- Total Points 53.5-UNDER (-105)
2. Idaho @ Western Michigan (+3)- WMU (-105)
Total:(+273)

3 Team Parlay
1. Texas @ Oklahoma- Oklahoma, moneyline (-165)
2. Notre Dame @ Boston College- ND, moneyline (-140)
3. Florida @ Alabama (-8)- BAMA (-105)
Total:(+438)

Big Ticket Pick of the Day:
Ohio State @ Illinois- Total Points-50.5, UNDER

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Desert Hawks

Although technically Iowa football isn't Chicago Sports, Illinois and Iowa do share a border. And,I figured enough suburban Chicago high school students underachieve on their ACT and look to the Iowa City Ped Mall and ultimately the University of Iowa for solace, happiness, and some passionate college football. If you think that I am debasing the undergraduate enrollment at Iowa in any way, you're wrong. I didn't get in. But hell, I visited enough times in college and attended more classes (1, college level Math course. If you don't believe me, email jack.groot@coyotelogistics.com) than Pierre Pierce, so I consider myself an alumnus. With the lofty expectations for the football team still high after beating Eastern Illinois (didn't cover, Spoo's a genius) and then subsequently embarrassing Iowa State in Kinnick like they were playing Liotta, Costner, and James Earl Jones (Amy Madigan-ISU cheerleader) in a backyard football game at the Kinsiella farm in Dyersville. Still, in order to keep their BCS hopes alive, Iowa must ditch the sweet corn and stuffing pre-game meals and travel down to the desert to face Arizona. Where the weather and salsa are hot, but often times the 3rd year psychology students are hotter--sounds like trouble for Ricky Stanzi.

On paper, Iowa no doubt looks like chalk in this match up. The Hawks boast maybe the most otherworldly front 4 in college football in Binns, Ballard, Clayborn and Klug. Iowa's defense has put pressure on the quarterback without blitzing, which will be a complete shift in gears for Arizona pretty-boy QB Nick Foles, who has faced only the illustrious defenses of the Citadel, and the Toledo Rockets (seriously thinking about whether the Houston Rockets could formulate a better football team, Yao's a big target at TE, Aaron Brooks a shifty back, Battier a tough, heady QB...nevermind). I'm thinking when Foles sees Adrian Clayborn in his personal space, one of those 'shifting too many gears at once so the chain falls off and now you're pedaling rapidly but going nowhere' type situations occur and his 174.7 QB rating drops at least Eight Below his normal average. Still, Arizona is a well-coached team and coach Mike Stoops comes from a proven family of winners (shout out Matt DeMars), so with Arizona Stadium (where the Cardinals play as well) rockin' loud as soon as all the house drugs kick in for the U of A fans, the Wildcats certainly won't roll over and die. Also, Stanzi and Foles' haircuts are getting worse by the week, something's gotta give.

But if Iowa fans are feeling nervous at all about Saturday night's game in the desert, it is because Ricky Stanzi and the 'Stanziball' are still yet to rear its ugly head this season. If there is any way Iowa could lose to an inferior team on the road, Rick and the 'Stanziball' could be what does Iowa in. If you're not sure what I mean when I'm referring to the 'Stanziball', think about this: Stanzi had a pick 6 in 4 different games last year (Arizona, Michigan, Arkansas St.?!?, and Georgia Tech). The last thing Iowa needs is to be locked in a defensive, field position battle in the first half and have Stanzi come in and drop one of those arid passes into Arizona's secondary and have them run away with the momentum. Now, Stanzi has been near perfect so far this year, except for that hiccup fluke torn ACL he almost suffered in week 1 against that stingy, EIU D. So, with his completions (29-41), yards (433), and TD's (3) piling up, that 'Stanziball' is just lurking in Stanzi's shoulder waiting to come out. Iowa fans know, they don't want to mention it. Because every time Stanzi drops back Saturday night, the theme from JAWS will be playing in the collective minds of Iowa. Now I know Stanzi watches plenty of film between Thursday Night 'smush sessions' with Iowa coeds in the Union Bar bathroom, but I'm telling you, it's coming, maybe not this week, but it's coming.

Still, I think Iowa will rely enough on the dual ground attack of Adam Robinson and the newly reinstated Jewel Hampton enough to keep Stanzi throwing safe routes to his big TE Allen Reisner, and wideouts Marv McNutt and DJK. So overall, I think Iowa wins in this Big-10/Pac-10 showdown in the desert. In fact, on some betting websites Zona is getting a point. But, I'm still thinking black and yellow (pending a Stanziball) with a final score of Iowa-24 Arizona-13. There you have it, go hawks.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man's fall from grace this week has been a harsh reality check with the weekend football spread lying ahead of him. Below he has listed the Saturday 6 pack, complete with his 'big ticket' Pick of the Day for Saturday, as well as the Sunday teaser in which he started (1-0) last week. Let's see how the weekend shapes up in both college and professional football.

Saturday 6 pack:

2 team parlay: Illinois (-7) vs. NIU, Alabama (-24)@ Duke - (+281)

3 team parlay: USC (-12)@ Minnesota, Nebraska (-3) @ Washington, Northwestern (moneyline)@ Rice - (+411)

Big Ticket Pick of the Day: Iowa (+1)@ Arizona (-105)

Sunday Teaser

7 point teaser: Eagles, Colts, Falcons- (+140)

Record: (20-13-0)

Melo Out

Although previously I was almost completely content with the Bulls roster and was anxiously awaiting the emergence of D.Rose, the Boozehound, and Benny T. Bull storming onto the hardwood of the UC, the emerging presence of Carmelo Anthony donning red and black next year has got me feeling like I'm impersonating Dickie V in the halls of a public library. The free agent summer of 2010 can be relinquished! So, if the holy triumvirate (sorry, in this case I'm not talking about Rush) start stealing titles and LeBron is showering in his own glory like Neve Campbell does with a bottle of Vidal Sassoon, Chicago can still think, "Hey, we still have a guy who's married to an MTV VJ (LaLa), Miami can never take that from us."

It's become clear Melo wants out of the Mile High City. After 7 seasons of being surrounded by the absolute WORST locker room guys in the NBA (K-Mart, J.R. Smith, Iverson, Birdman!?!), Melo understandably wants to clear his head from the immeasurable amount of secondhand marijuana smoke that has suffocated in the Nugs (no pun intended)locker room. Seriously, the Nuggets go through more grass during a 3 game road trip than the entire 'Up in Smoke' tour went through in an entire summer. First and foremost, Carmelo wants to get out of the West. He's sick of averaging 28.5 PPG during the regular season just so he can watch Nene (believe it or not, overall pick # 7 in 2002) miss a bunch of uncontested layups in the Nuggets best effort to become a first round casualty for the 6th time in 7 years. I don't blame him for wanting out. He sees all of his buddies in Miami lounging in 20,000 seat arenas with their friends, shooting trick shots in practice, sharing a good laugh, and then capping it all off with a practical,locker room prank on Zydrunas Ilgauskas as he playfully laughs it off in his best Andre the Giant impersonation. If that isn't what every star athlete longs for, then I don't know what is. Carmelo deserves to get out of Denver, unless he is unbeknownst to us an avid fan of the slopes and wants to continue to shred powder until Kobe retires so he can have a legitimate chance of seizing the Western Conference.

But, for Bulls fans to be sitting, waiting, wishing for Carmelo to capriciously sign with the Bulls, you might as well waste your time listening to Jack Johnson's Curious George CD--or something equally as appalling. Every time a highly esteemed and trendy free agent hits the market, rumors fill the air and our hopes get built up only to see them crumble in the end like a bunch of wooden, jenga blocks. First it was T-Mac in 2002, then Kobe was fictionally headed to the Windy city, then KG, then Bosh and Wade, and then finally LeBron. It really has become tiresome. The Bulls have an uncanny knack for finding themselves as possible destinations for every marquee free agent, and consistently can't close the deal (not the only time that's been said about Krause). Wishing for the Bulls to sign Carmelo is like wishing for Santa Clause to bring you tickets to the Masters in April, and as Michael "The Situation" Sorrentino so eloquently put it Thursday night, "Santa Clause is DEAD!"

As for pick of the day, The Pulse Man did it again last night. He has now extended his career-long 'pick of the day' streak to 9 by calling the under on Reggie Bush's all purpose yardage. Heading for a double-digit streak, he likes the Rangers over the Yankees tonight at (-139). Also, posted below is his 'Saturday 6 pack'. And,if you're like most teenage females and can't get enough of the Pulse Man, keep a close eye out for a teaser before Sunday morning's NFL games.

Pick of the Day: Yankees @ Rangers- RANGERS-moneyline (-139)

Record:(19-11-0)

Saturday 6 Pack

2 team parlay: BYU (+1) @ Air Force- BYU, Ok. St.(-14) @ Troy-OK.ST

3 team parlay: Penn St. (+12)@ Bama-PSU, San Jose St.(+38)@ Wisconsin-SJSU, E.Michigan @ Miami (Ohio) Total-53 1/2-UNDER

'BIG TICKET PICK'-WVU (-12.5)@ Marshall-WVU

Saturday 6 Pack

For the opening of the college football season, the Pulse Man and I have instituted what we are going to call the "Saturday 6 Pack". Besides the fact that nearly everyone who reads this blog will put down at least one 6-pack on this, and every Saturday of the college football season, we figured--why not one more? What this new innovation of the blog will consist of is: every Saturday, The Pulse Man will provide you with a 2-team College Football Parlay, a 3-team College Football Parlay, and one ChicagoSportsNoise Big Ticket pick (has nothing to do with Kevin Garnett). Although we will be keeping records on all The Pulse Man's picks, the CSN Big Ticket bet each week will ultimately determine his future at the website. I have instituted an 80% pass/fail grade for Pulse Man. So, if his Big Ticket pick is at or above 80% for the year, he stays on board with the blog. If not, he becomes a lowly, depressed P.E. teacher who has nothing to look forward to each day besides tucking in his polo shirt for work, and participating in the Friday ultimate frisbee game with his students. With that being said, here are his picks for his inaugural Saturday 6 pack.

2-Team Parlay:

1. Washington St. @ Oklahoma St.- OKLAHOMA ST. -17
2. Boise St. @ Virginia Tech- Total Points: 50- OVER

3-Team Parlay:

1. Cincinatti @ Fresno St.- CINCINATTI +2.5
2. Louisiana-Lafayette @ Georgia- GEORGIA -28.5
3. Purdue @ Notre Dame- Total Points: 54.5- UNDER

Chicago Sports Noise 'BIG TICKET' Pick of the Day:

Washington @ BYU- BYU-moneyline (-130)