Think about how many professional athletes you have seen in person, one, maybe two right? Massive, graceful, thoroughbred human beings who capture a room as soon as they walk in. You can easily define the difference when a pro walks into a room and captivates the audience as opposed to a random 6'9'' oaf from your high school, who is an all likelihood duck-footed and wearing a hodge-podge assortment of undersized clothing. Granted, the fact that this athlete is presumably African-American and ink'd up like Travis Barker is usually a dead giveaway, but still, they don't blend in with the wallpaper. Now think about how many stray gym bags you have lying around your house strategically placed around tight corners. Ironically, Carlos Boozer being the nimble-footed pro athlete that he is, still managed to supposedly 'slip' on a duffle bag and tumble into hand surgery scheduled for Wednesday. Not to mention, if you were a pro athlete, would you ever answer your own doorbell? I'm sure Boozer was just so ecstatic to see the UPS guy giving a courtesy ring that he jumped out of his seat,locked into a dead sprint towards his medieval chamber front door, and slipped on his freshly Lysol'ed kitchen floor. Sounds about as believable as Cate Blanchett's representation of Bob Dylan in I'm Not There . I'm not buyin' it.
I don't know what to say about Carlos Boozer and his off-day antics. We shunned the notion of his injury susceptibility and signed him to a 5 year contract he probably doesn't deserve, and he can't make it through an leisure day in his Deerfield mansion without fracturing a metacarpal? In case you forgot Carlos, we signed you from Utah. We rescued you from a barren wasteland of a state that the United States has seemingly forgotten. We brought you to a place where people look like you (how many 6'9'' African-Americans named Carlos are there in Salt Lake? Then again, how many are there anywhere?). We assured you that you never had to play alongside Mehmet Okur ever again? We brought you from snow and canyons to Kanye and R.Kelly (not sure if that's a good thing) and you pulled this hoodwink on us just after we all became followers of your "CBoozTheBull" twitter account. The only time you've ever put on a Bulls uniform thus far is to pose for promiscuous shoots with the luvabulls, and now you're unable to perform.
Now I don't have the slightest clue as to what actually happened. Maybe he was sour he only was slighted at 83 overall in NBA 2K10 and punched the wall after each unsuccessful post finish in an exhibition game against his son. Maybe he got his hand caught in his S100,000 car. Who knows. All I'm saying is, when a team pays you 80 mill to produce, hire someone to answer your doorbell, hire someone to open your car door, hire Louie Anderson as a personal punching bag. I don't care what you do, just make sure you produce and are still on the 'active' list after three days of offensive walk-throughs and a session on the stationary bike. It may be too early to hold a grudge on the 'Booz', but I'm sure this won't win him any high fives, (he has a broken hand) , autograph suggestions (he has a broken hand) or slap-the-backboard-layups in warmups (ad nauseum).
As for Pick of the Day, special teams came through for the Pats on Monday Night Football last night and caused John Gruden to raise his heart rate beyond reasonably normal levels. For tonight, since nothing is available to bet on against skewed outcome preseason NBA basketball, the Pulse Man has dusted off his tarot cards and urges you to bet on an MLB Futures Prop. The odds for Scott Rolen to be the player to hit the 1st home run in the Reds/Phillies series are +800, and those odds aren't that bad for a guy who has more playoff experience than anyone on the Reds. So, on an off night, go with it.
Pick of the Day: Player to hit 1st Home Run in Reds/Phillies- Scott Rolen (+800)
Record:(23-15-0)
Now I'm done. Rack me
Frost
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