Don't Leave Me Teague Tied

Much like Arnold Schwarzenegger, women's leggings, and His Airness himself, Chicago Sports Noise is making a temporary comeback. The summer months have rendered me feeble and television-spent. Simply put, there are not enough episodes of the Real World: St. Thomas to service a full-day,and as much as I love getting my DDoD (Daily dose of Scott Disick) and his unflappable head of Pantene Pro-V infused flow, the free agent market of the NBA has me too pent up with confusion and amelioration to let it go unvoiced.

Coming off of what can be classified as one of the most disheartening seasons in recent memory for the Chicago Bulls, they now find themselves searching to temporarily piece together a roster that will be void of the face of their franchise. When the indestructible D. Rose succumbed to a non-contact knee injury (don't watch the link; you'll hate me) in the waning moments of a seemingly sure-fire victory, Chicago residents from the North Shore to the South Loop breathed a collective a gasp of anxiety. And, as the subsequent losses only proved how the non-potent Bulls would wilt against the Sixers like a Rose devoid of water (no pun intended), the news of Rose's prolonged absence had Bulls fans thinking only one question for the free agent summer of 2012: What will this team look like in 2013?


Considering the disposition of NBA players has shifted from a competitive breeding ground as it was during the Bush and Clinton administrations of the early 90's to a friendship-laden, AAU-like, "let me just be with my friends" infantile mindset that it has become under Bush and Obama's campaigns (ironic, eh?), the Bulls find themselves with some serious catching up to do (or Keeping Up to do, if you work for E!).

Steve Nash, the most sought after member of the free agent class of 2012, has clearly expressed that his favorite book of all time is The Color Purple and will be shifting shades and moving to Hollywood to play with another player who already dominates the ball. It's hard to even fathom what Kobe, Pau, and Nash will look like in purple and gold, but it might render something comparable to Crosby, Stills, and Nash on a healthy amount of hallucinogenics: all messed up with nowhere to go.

With Brooklyn proving as "trendy" as tortoise-rimmed Ray-Bans and rolled up denim, and with Houston offering ludicrous contracts to role players like their some bizarro version of the LA Clippers, Gar Forman is nesting the Bulls just where they need to be.

With the selection of Marquis Teague with their late-first round pick in last week's draft, the Bulls clearly went with the "best available" route like a late-night Lincoln Park single at Beaumonts. If this trend continues, it would render them letting Houston have Omer Asik for a preposterous amount of money for 6 points and 9 boards a game (rough estimate for 2013). The Bulls would most likely then go after Nazr Mohammed or Jordan Hill, who are both very capable of backing up our pony-tailed Parisian, Joakim Noah, at the 5 spot.

With the signing of the ol' Captain, Kirk Hinrich, the Bulls brought back a fan favorite who sold more tank tops to teenage white girls than Express and Forever 21 combined (the Pulse Man has one as well). In due time, fans at the Madhouse will be donning rec specs like bad-visioned teenagers with a resounding love for athletics. This signing leaves the Bulls with an immediate solution to Rose's absence if CJ Watson ventures outside of the 312 for increased cash flow, which is very plausible considering there are now 7 or 8 really relevant teams in the NBA due to the game's biggest superstars conglomerating like "Bros 4 Life"; seriously, get these guys some wooden paddles and a copy of the Greek Alphabet. Way to go, Lebron.

The Bulls will still need some work, though, and my favorite options left in the free agent pool for Chicago, regardless of whether they are pursuing them or not are: Jeff Green, Lou Williams, and JJ Hickson. You have no idea how hard it was for me to not include Delonte West on that list, but I just don't think that there are enough doughnut shops in Deerfield to keep this man happy.

As an NBA fan, I'm anxious to see how the next few weeks shape up in free agency and who ends up where. As a Bulls fan, I genuinely trust Gar Forman; albeit with the worst first name in professional sports.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man will return to duty tomorrow. He cannot operate on 24 hours notice. If you are wondering about his general well-being, let it be known to the world that he has a borderline girlfriend. If that's not enough information, please stay tuned and keep reading.


Now I'm done. Rack me.

Frost

*sorry for operating under this new, fairly ghetto URL. www.chicagosportsnoise.com was sold to an internet wholesaler who currently uses it to move sporting goods. It is in no way, shape, or form associated with this website.*

Exhibition-A

Needless to say, Tuesday, October 5 was a slow TV night. I was grappling with the galling decision of whether to tune into Burn Notice on UPN power 50 or sit and be enthralled by 48 minutes of meaningless preseason basketball. I thought that either would undoubtedly be a waste of time, but after a great deal of thought, I ultimately knew better than to tune into former USA melodramas on Tuesday, it's a very slippery slope into mental illness. And, after watching Thibodeau's debut as the Bulls czar, I was satisfied although they lost to the Milwaukee Bucks in what seemed to be a relatively competitive preseason game. Then again, Skiles would have a hard time taking a loss in minesweeper, especially against his former employer. Still, even in Boozer's absence the Bulls showed promise in a lot of different aspects of the game.

First off, Kyle Korver was living the preseason dream and looked like the consummate 'good glue guy' last night. Although his playing attire was horrifically appalling, (who honestly told him that high, black socks looked decent on white players with below average speed? Inevitably someone at Creighton, after all it's in Nebraska) he was running the floor hard in transition to spot up, hitting 15-17 footers consistently, and running his defender (Chris Kramer) off of screens like he was the extra playing the who had to guard Jimmy Chitwood in Hoosiers.Korver was 7-12 from the field, 1-1 from 3 and 7-7 from the stripe. That's a pretty efficient performance off the bench for ol' #26. And as always, his jumper was as pure as Michael Smith's voice when he tells those "what if I told you..." stories to intro the week's 30 for 30. Along the same lines, Luol Deng also looked impressive in his 2010 debut. Perhaps Thibodeau's defensive scheme is catered to Deng and his rangy skill set as nicely as Portillo's chocolate cake is catered to people who can't control their cholesterol. Deng finished with 16 in the box score but more importantly, neither him or Korver committed a turnover. Perhaps no longer are the days in which the Bulls take care of the ball as if it were the empty bag of Fritos that Jerry Krause inhaled during the pregame warmup

Perhaps I was so pleased because after last night, based on roster alone, the Bucks became my 3rd favorite team in the NBA (Bulls, Thunder, Bucks). They without a doubt have one of the most intriguing casts of characters in the history of the NBA. Take for example, the two longest surnames in the NBA (Douglas-Roberts, Mbah a Moute) both call Milwaukee home. I thought the jokes about people with two first names were moronic, but think about the abuse Chris Douglas-Roberts takes on the road from feeble-minded fans, I'm cringing just thinking about that imprudence. Throw in the two players with the greasiest hair in the league (Bogut and Ilyosova) and you have the Milwaukee frontcourt. I know these guys are large and foreign, but I just see the shoulders of their tailored suits littered with colonies of dandruff when they board the plane for road trips. The Bucks also have a player who once sported a rat-tail by choice (Drew Gooden) and a player with goatee that hangs below his adams-apple (Salmons). Those are some interesting characters confined to one locker room. Add the shortest guy in the league since Muggsy Bogues into the mix (Earl Boykins) and a guy that once tried pumping up the crowd while simultaneously halting a massive rush of blood from his nasal passageway in college (Chris Kramer), and then my friend, you have the Milwaukee Bucks. Only in Wisconsin can you assemble a locker room with zest, unless you have a very hygienic team that uses a lot of soap.

As for Pick of the Day, Pulse Man predicted a Scott Rolen home run, and the Reds never got a hit. I guess sometimes it's just not your day. For tomorrow night, the Pulse Man likes James Shields and the Rays to even the series at 1 in the dome in Tampa. Sadly enough, Dickie V will probably be one of the sub 10,000 people in attendance and embarrassing bald men everywhere. Oh well, go Rays.

Pick of the Day: Rangers @ Rays- RAYS, moneyline (-120)

Record:(23-15-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

The Boy Band Bulls

With the recent signing of Kyle Korver and the looming possibility of acquiring JJ Redick, the Bulls have solidified themselves of two things. 1) Increasing their 3 point shooting substantially by adding two of the best college pure shooters of the last decade and 2)Becoming the only team in the NBA that uses more hair product than the cast of Glee.

Knowing that next year when the Bulls are down by 3 late they wont have to draw up a set for Luol Deng is a relieving feeling. Additionally, knowing that they can have both Korver and Redick on the floor at the same time roaming "Candy Land" in these moments exudes confidence in the Bulls faithful. Although Redick hasn't lived up to reputation he made for himself at Duke in the NBA, if he somehow channels his "make a 35 footer, give the shocker hand gesture and run down the court laughing at defender X" routine that he had down at Duke during his National POY year in 2006, the Bulls are in good shape. And for Korver, after shooting some odd 53% last year in Salt Lake City, even if he manages to stay above the Mendoza Line of 3 point shooting (38%), it will be an upgrade from 2010's long range performance. It's hard to believe after drafting a penetrating point guard in D Rose, that it took the Bulls two years to surround him with snipers (JJ and Kutcher) and a solid post finisher (Boozer) Either way Korver is a solid edition to a team that has struggled to shoot the ball consistently, and as long as he can ditch that putrid high socks look (alla Keith Van Horn), and find a more marketable number than 26?!? Bulls fans should enjoy his presence on the perimeter. Last year, Korver amazingly managed to lead the league in 3 point shooting, while simultaneously being the first player in the shot clock era to shoot over 50% from deep without ever leaving his feet the entire season, truly remarkable.

On a more important note, the Bulls have now transformed their team into a professional basketball boy band. With the addition of Korver and Redick, you have two boyish vocalists who do nothing better than style well and smile better than any two other assorted white guys in the NBA (with the exception of Jason Kapono). Seriously, look at these guys (Korver and Redick) And, the Bulls already have Joe Alexander on the bench. I'm not sure why but I see him being a helluva keyboard guy, just a hunch. But most importantly, you have Joakim Noah, who fits perfectly into the "weirdly edgy, why are you in a boy band?" role familiarized by Chris Kirkpatrick of NSYNC. Think about it, they both have shitty haircuts, annoyingly outgoing personalities and are infectious, Joakim is so outspoken he would love to be in a boy band, although he never could have been in NSYNC, he would have instantly outed Lance Bass for being gay. With all this being said, they even sound like a boy band...JJ, Kyle K, Joey and Joakim, should be an exciting season to say the very least. I'm thinking....The Toucha-bulls.

It is without question that Redick and Korver will probably share a 2 bedroom flat in Wrigleyville and parade models and aspiring actresses in and out of there like its the DMV. Bulls fans have always been comfortable embracing Caucasian players (think:Buechler, Kerr, Perdue, Longley, etc.) and with the possibility of Matt Bouldin joining the team as well (he's on the summer league roster) the Bulls will have more young, blonde groupies than Lee DeWyze.