The turn of summer into Fall in the Midwest opens our eyes to a few new, tangible things: a little foliage change in the trees, Lake Zurich pursuing another IHSA state title in football, the start of the Big 10 Conference football schedule, and the premieres of a few new shows on HBO. As much as Big 10 backers love packing into Camp Randall, The Big House, or The Shoe on Saturday afternoons, true solace can be found in their respective living rooms around 8 PM on Sunday nights, anxiously awaiting a few terrific hours of TV (wait, it's not TV...it's HBO). If you're me, by Sunday evening you've polluted your body with enough low-grade OnDemand music videos, Brent Musberger comments, and jump-start cups of Joe that the only task at hand is to "get horizontal", pound at least 3 caffeine free Diet Cokes (commonly referred to as Gold Cans or Diabetic Sodas) and get down with some premium cable. As much as the non-conference Big 10 season has proven to us things about each team, a lot of things still need to shake out before a Big 10 champ is crowned. Much like the beginning of any football season, a lot of questions arise with the beginning of a new television season as well. Therefore, after spending a lot of unnecessary time weighing this unnecessary, useless comparison, I give you some of the Big 10 teams vying for conference supremacy this fall, each represented by a show on HBO (Real Sex and Cathouse excluded, sorry Pulse Man).
Ohio State: The Sopranos- Much like the Buckeyes do with the Big 10, the Sopranos run HBO. They have the head man who instills fear in whomever he is dealing with (Gandolfini/Tressel), a once immature starlet who has blossomed into a full blown smokeshow (Terelle Pryor/Jamie-Lynn Sigler). Not to mention, the Bucks have the muscle to back it up in their street-tough underboss Paulie Walnuts (Ohio State's opportunistic and turnover-causing D) and a trustworthy right-hand man in Silvio Dante (OSU Kicker Devin Barclay-formerly of the Columbus Crew). Fuhgetaboutit!
Iowa: Entourage- Great story, trendy characters, immense potential. Had Iowa beaten Arizona in the desert two weeks back, they might be up there fighting with the Bucks for mob supremacy. Instead, the incompetence of their frontman has led to their most recent struggle. For example, Adrian Grenier has to be one of the worst actors in the moving picture era (simply walking scenery regurgitating Hollywood cliches like "eff it, let's all by motorcyles" with a cake-eating grin on his face like a post-adolescent Zac Effron) and Stanzi, well, he laid an egg @ Arizona and was almost bailed out by the combination of his defense and Marv McNutt. Sad to say, it won't be this year that Ari Gold carries Entourage back into the hunt for an Emmy after a series plagued by the extraneous appearance of a porn star (horrible acting by Sasha Grey..can't link that), an entirely unbelievable drug habit/downward spiral, and Turtle's monotonous attempt to become productive for the third straight season. Similarly, Iowa won't be in the BCS hunt this year after their weaknesses were exposed against U of A. Still, it's hard for the devoted faithful of both Iowa and Entourage to realize that this may not be the season they'd hoped for.
Michigan: Curb Your Enthusiasm -Have one main thing in common--the dynamic front man who can turn 'nothing' into something very special (Denard Robinson/Larry David). Although this will undoubtedly be the only time this dread-locked donning speedster and the spectacle wearing comedian will be mentioned in the same sentence, they share very similar characteristics as they pertain to television series' and Big 10 football alike. As Larry and his quirky nuances go, so goes Curb . And with each fleeting footstep of the untied shoe of Denard Robinson, the Wolverines go another week with a win. Both Michigan and Curb have extensive fan bases that are leaning heavily on the attitude and leadership of their wild-card leader. For Big Blue, let's just hope Denard isn't nearly as volatile as LD.
Wisconsin- Boardwalk Empire - I'll tell you what, the previews for Boardwalk Empire looked great. Part Goodfellas mixed with a little bit of Casino, sounds like a great watch. Then...the kicker--Steve Buscemi. Really Scorcese? You probably had your choice of great actors who auditioned for this part and you chose Buscemi based on what? His great character role as 'Crazy Eyes' in Mr. Deeds? I have a hard time taking Buscemi seriously after the plethora of Happy Madison productions he's been in, and now I'm supposed to believe him whacking off prohibitionists in AC? Not for me. Coincidentally, this is the same way I feel about Tolzien leading Bucky to the promised land. I love Scott Tolzien as much as any Northwestern Suburbanite should. I root for him every week, pray that they never show him with his helmet off so the public can't scrutinize his haircut, and sigh in anguish every time he underthrows a simple out route. As much as I like him though, I can't see him taking the Badgers to the BCS. Martin Scorcese is a helluva director and John Clay is a monster, but overcoming the "Happy Madison, WI" curse (no pun intended) will be no easy task.
Northwestern: Eastbound and Down- Hey, the Wildcats are 4-0, and every Chicagoland doctor, lawyer, pharmacist, or stockbroker you know is now the world's largest purple Wildcat fan. Northwestern has developed a bizarre cult following at ESPN--Greenberg, Wilbon, Rachel Nichols, JA Adande, Kevin Blackistone all went to NU and are desperately trying to plug the Wildcats every second they're on the air. It truly is a weird fraternity. On the other side of the coin, Eastbound and Down acquired more followers last year than Gaga's twitter account, and now every time you find yourself around college-aged kids, you hear some dork not clever enough to come up with his own material unwittingly spew some Kenny Powers punchline. Eastbound and Down and the Wildcats both had a great start, but can you really make a lasting show out of cheap laughs (pretty weak schedule for NU) and a lead actor who once had a cameo role in Drillbit Taylor? I guess we'll have to find out. If Northwestern wins the Big 10 and Eastbound and Down's sophomore season turn out to be golden, the metaphor is still kosher.
Michigan St.: True Blood- Never seen it, sometimes it's on before the shows I watch. Simply just scares me in general. The only people I hear about it from are rubes that think Beta House has too much nudity--get real.
The rest of the Big 10: Hung- Irrelevant and miserable. Enough said.
As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man continues to be burned at the stake like a support actor from The Crucible. But, the weekend is high stakes (no pun intended again, sorry) and Pulse Man has put the women and children to bed and is out looking for supper (shoutout Chris Ask). His Saturday 6 pack is listed below and his Sunday Teaser will make its way onto this blog as soon as he gets it to me. Cheers to the weekend, go get some.
Saturday 6 Pack
2 Team Parlay
1. Northwestern @ Minnesota- Total Points 53.5-UNDER (-105)
2. Idaho @ Western Michigan (+3)- WMU (-105)
Total:(+273)
3 Team Parlay
1. Texas @ Oklahoma- Oklahoma, moneyline (-165)
2. Notre Dame @ Boston College- ND, moneyline (-140)
3. Florida @ Alabama (-8)- BAMA (-105)
Total:(+438)
Big Ticket Pick of the Day:
Ohio State @ Illinois- Total Points-50.5, UNDER
Now I'm done. Rack me
Frost
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