Candy Kane

Self-admittedly, I don't know much about hockey. Foreign people love it, it involves a puck, fighting and a lot of people with short-tempers. For all I know, it might as well be the Real World: San Francisco. That is why before I write a blog on the Blackhawks, I usually consult someone who is well-versed in "the coolest game on earth". In this case, it was my main man, Ryan "Little League" Lind, a former hard hitting captain of the LZHS hockey club, that was referenced as the know-all in all things stick and puck. So in talking to Little League, it was apparent that he was understandably frustrated with the underachieving Hawks squad in 2011. Amongst other things, he mentioned to me how undervalued their 3rd line 'energy guys' were from a year ago (Sopel, Eager, Burish), and how much they miss Niemi in between the pipes. But most of all, they miss the Patrick Kane of old.

Even after watching Kane net the game-winning shootout goal with a pretty, stick side deke move in which he stole from Charlie Conway, it only salvaged his terrible overtime period. Kane was all over the ice in the extra frame, and I don't mean that in a complimentary way. He was loose with the puck, almost careless at times, and turned the puck over more times than an undercooked turkey burger. I know he missed some time recently due to illness and had to get some reps to wear off the rust, but 88 looked off on Sunday.

I'm not going to sit here and chastise Kane for supposedly being out slammin' sangria and sexting slam pieces on the night when he was supposedly ill. I don't care about that at all. He's 22 and has enough money to buy a round of shots for every person who resides in Estonia (who coincidentally love hockey), he's going to do what he wants. He's a frat boy with deep pockets and two sisters that are absolute dimes. So take your shirt off, beat the piss out of an innocent cabbie over the cost of a chiclet, chug Busch Lights incessantly in front of children that idolize you--I don't give a rip--live the life you love, Kaner. I have to say though, it was a lot easier to put up with his off-the-ice antics and write them off as cute when he was producing points. Now that he's been force fed 'Chicago sports icon' status, people are now starting to see Kane as an overpaid ($31.5 contract), under-producing (43rd and 37th in the league in goals and assists respectively) punk.

In his defense, nobody is having a good year. Duncan Keith has been almost as bad as his haircut and Hossa has missed a lot of ice time. Is Kane entitled to a, dare I say it, "hangover" season? He consistently came up huge for the Hawks a year ago and helped deliver their first Cup since JFK established the Peace Corps in '61. I suppose so. But what PK needs to do is help us help him. Stop pulling Ferris Bueller sick days and turning in a thermometer to Coach Q that you just nuked under your hotel lamp. Keep your sweater on and show up on the daily...show some accountability. If you do that, then we'll put up with your Tara Reid headlines that you produce on the weekends. At least you're producing something.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man was burned by Harvard Friday night and looks to President's Day as the stage to get back on track. For the Head of State holiday and in honor of Ryan "Little League" Lind, the Pulse Man likes Little League's alma mater, the Western Michigan Broncos to take care of business at home against Kent St. It's a pick 'em affair in Kalamazoo.

Pick of the Day: Kent St. @ Western Michigan (pick 'em)- WESTERN MICHIGAN

Record:(56-40-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

1st Intermission

I went to a Milwaukee Brewers game followed by a Guster concert once when I was about 17. I wasn't really all that into the band, or the hippie-lettuce wielding, unshowered fan base that shared the venue with me that night, but a few good things came as a result of this experience. First and foremost, I got to cruelly castigate Ken Griffey Jr. by telling him he was bad at baseball (not true), and that his video games sucked (even further from the truth). Either way, he hit his first home run of the season that afternoon, proceeded to stare me down, and for the first time in my life, I felt like I had an actual effect on a pro sporting event. Then at the concert, as we permeated through clouds of 'gonja' smoke and walked past people attempting to eat their own dreadlocked hair, we realized that a band named "The Zamboni's" would be opening for Guster. At first, we thought The Zamboni's would be a fairly normal-looking, below average sounding opening band for Guster, a cult band with a modest following. Instead, they ended up being a group of guys from Hartford, still disgruntled about losing the Whalers to North Carolina (where nobody gives a damn about hockey), dressed in hockey sweaters and CCM helmets, singing only about the one sport that they truly love. They sang powerful ballads like, "I Wanna Drive the Zamboni of Devotion", "The Hockey Monkey" and "The Linesman's Daughter". Needless to say, the venue wasn't thrilled about the 45 miunte set that ensued at 'The Rave' that night, but I still think of these crazy kooks every time a hockey game reaches an intermission. And, with 1/3 of the Blackhawks' season in the books, what a better introduction into recapping the first period of the Blackhawks season.

After such a successful season a year ago, the Hawks started out the year about as comfortable at home as Neve Campbell in Scream. Because of this, Coach Q and the Blackhawks are talking less about defending the Stanley Cup right now and more about securing a playoff spot in the neck-deep Western Conference. In fact, the top 12 teams in the West are all huddled around the 8 spot like it's the bottom bar at Beaumonts during last call on a Friday night. We knew it wouldn't be easy for Toews and Co. this year with the target on their back every night, but the early season injury to Marian Hossa and the lingering health issues plaguing Patrick Kane certainly haven't made the beginning of the 2010-2011 season one for the books, unless of course those books are the team's early season medical charts.

The Blackhawks also had some chemistry issues at the beginning of the season this year and caused Quennville to re-shuffle his deck on a variety of occasions. Whether simply to play mind games with his players, or to actually increase productivity, the Blackhawks played like an unbalanced chemical equation during during certain games this winter because of the constant shifting. But, judging from my grade in Chemistry Sophomore year of high school, I have no idea what an unbalanced equation looks like, and I have a hard time deciphering good puck from a female gym class' floor hockey scrimmage, so who knows. Still, it doesn't take Barry Melrose to figure out that the Hawks games have been much closer this season. They're winning games by one goal margins instead of slamming the door hard on the opposition like they're an upset woman in a romantic comedy break-up scene. Something they became masterful at a year ago.

But, like Andy Dufresne says, and I have referenced before, "hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." And, truth be told, the Hawks have been picking it up as of late. They found a guy with a Wolf "The Dentist" Stanson-like approach in John Scott and Corey Crawford has stepped in nicely and has rattled off a modest collection of wins between the pipes. Party Marty has been a disappointment thus far, giving up 6 goals again last night in a loss to the Avs. But, he's a veteran and has the capability to play himself out of a career-ending crisis. The chemistry will come for the Hawks, but with all the changes they made, it was inevitable that they would take some time to gel as a team. Give them a 5 game road trip, a cooler of Labbatt Blue, and a Canadian Stripper off of Craig's List and we'll be talking about how the team is once again on the same page. Until then, keep on hanging on.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man does it again. Ford Field was kind to the visiting New York Giants as they beat the Favre-less Vikings handily in the Motor City last night. Favre missed a start for the first time since 1992. That's a long time ago. Since then he endured 3 franchises, a retirement, a painkiller scandal, a sexting scandal, and several decapitation attempts--well done, Brett. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes the Warriors giving 3 points at home against the T-Wolves. Have you ever seen a basketball game in Oakland? Me neither. But I'm sure it's entertaining.

Pick of the Day: T-Wolves @ Warriors (-3)- WARRIORS

Record: (39-25-0)

Now I'm done. Rack Me

Frost

White-hot, Black-hawks

Yesterday I asked my Dad who was leisurely laying on his recliner "hey, can you check the Blackhawks game?" Five years ago, he would have glared over at me and made a snide remark about me deciding not to go to the Y that day. Instead, he added to me that the Blackhawks have won two in a row and eagerly flipped the channel to the Hawks vs. Blues game--a sporting event far more entertaining than the abortion of a football game that was Jags vs. Titans. On a side note, ESPN should feel extreme remorse for making the American public watch Kerry Collins and Trent Edwards sling the football around for two hours, my god. But anyway, it occured to me last night that this Blackhawk bandwagon craze has scooped up about everyone in the Chicagoland area: my Dad who can't tell the difference between a power-play and a power-drill, and myself included. I used to be the kid who flipped between SportsCenter and Saved By the Bell during mornings before school, only watching my boy Zach Morris and the rest of the SBtB crew rule the halls of Bayside High during the prolonged sessions of hockey highlights during ESPN's flagship program. Now, I find myself tuning in to watch the Hawks regularly, and I routinely question the differences in motive between the 12 year old version of myself, and the mature, specimen of a human being that I have become at the age of 22.

After Perron notched his second goal for the Blues in the 3rd period and the Blackhawks found themselves trailing by a deuce in the middle of the 3rd last night, I thought of asking my dad to join me in an impromptu family living room version of the popular student section chant, "This game's ovahh, clap-clap, clap-clap-clap." But, being the rational human being that I am, I decided against it. And boy, did the Hawks prove me wrong. Marian Hossa singlehandedly dominated the 3rd period and tied the game himself with two goals within two minutes late in the last period. Now if the Cubs were trailing a few runs with 3 innnings to go? Yea, I'd probably still watch the game, but I'd have the same optomism for a win that Scott Peterson has for paroll. Perhaps that's why Chicago has so quickly fell in love with the Hawks like a couple of college undergrads after a half-assed introduction and a handful of $2.00 U-Call-Its. Maybe it's the resilience of the Hawks that keeps you tuning into a game where the main object of the sport (the puck) is 1/1,000,000,000 of the TV screen. Or maybe we are all just hopelessly awaiting for Comcast Sports Net to get us a camera shot of Kane's sisters in the audience...maybe that's just me.

But the attitude that the Hawks wear on the sleeves of their sweaters is something that is refreshing to see. They have guys who come to the rink to compete every night, regardless of score, regardless of pain, regardless of anything. Take for example, Patrick Kane. If Kane didn't bring the effort he routinely does every night, we'd all be reading Mike Imrem editorials in the Herald entitled "Under the Influence, Over-Paid" or "Candy Gamed Kane". But we let him parade around the streets of Buffalo beating helpless cabbies like Jan Radecki senseless over a few loose nickels and dimes because when that horn sounds in the UC--he's all hockey, all the time, and that is what the Blackhawks have come to represent. Hardworking guys who have bad memories and short fuses, who would trade in their athletic cups for another shot at 'the cup'. I'm going to keep tuning into Hawks games until something changes. And I don't see that happening anytime soon under Q and his mustache.

As for Pick of the Day, considering David Garrard was benched in the 2nd quarter and the Jags didn't have a passing touchdown in the first half, it's safe to say that the Pulse Man covered the under on the 1.5 TD's bet from Garrard. Tomorrow, he likes the Phillies over the Giants tomorrow night at (+105).

Pick of the Day: Phillies @ Giants- PHILLIES (+105)

Record:(25-19-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Ice, Ice, Baby

First of all, sorry for the title. I had no intention to get you thinking about Vanilla Ice's retched karaoke performance on 'The Surreal Life'. I'm promoting crew neck Miami Hurricanes sweatshirt "with my rag-top down so my hair can blow" Vanilla. In any event, it's pushing 80 degrees in Chicago right now, so it's clear that hockey season is now upon us. With the Blackhawks starting what hopes to be another successful season, we can expect to once again read more ill-advised facebook statuses from college aged females than ever before, i.e. "Hawks game, then girls night with ______, KD love:) I like it on the ice baby!!!!", and hear the song from that damn Amstel Light commercial ringing in our ears ad nauseum. However, you can't blame the Blackhawks for having their bandwagon grow as crowded as a Ford Winstar heading to Panama City Beach in mid-March, they won the cup, and won over hockey aficionados everywhere. The Blackhawks 2010 season proved that winning outweighs any clever marketing scheme concieved by a bunch of corporate dorks, and having a few players that relate to your whiskey-nose, young 20's, free-spirited mentality definitely doesn't inhibit jersey sales.

But the Hawks aren't the same team they were a year ago. Many things have changed--thank god the 'Ice Girls' aren't one of them. First things first, they have a diffrerent man in net. From what I know about hockey and the NHL, you're only as good as your last line of defense. I guess this theory holds true in most sports, but a certain amount of credence and trusteeship must be instilled in your homwetown hockey goalie. We effortlessly made the shift from Antti Niemi to Uncle Marty in a move that saved the Hawks some money in their efforts to stay below the salary cap. Hopefully, Uncle Marty turns into the kind of fun-loving fathers-brother who splashes your Diet Coke with a little Jack D at the family Christmas table and gifts you with gift cards to DICK's rather than a fly fishing kit and a sweater he got off clearance at Kohls. Turco never surrendered a losing season in Dallas for the Stars (still can't believe they left Minneapolis after that plug Gordon Bombay gave them in D1) and is definitely a formidable and capable replacement in goal for the Blackhawks.

As far as offense goes, the Blackhawks were the 3rd highest scoring team in the league last season. But after the Madison Ave. garage sale that occured earlier this summer, don't expect this year's team to be netting goals on command like Jaromir Jagr did in every single hockey video game that was ever issued to the public prior to 2005. The 3rd amigo in Chicago's infamous first line is now Fernando Pisdani as he will be accompanying Sharp and Kane and likely get some 'scoring' (pun absolutely intended) opportunities on that shift as a result. Spelling them will be the the rock solid line of Kopecky-Toews-Hossa which has become as uniform in Chicago as $3.50 slice deals at Rosatis, and hopefully just as satisfying.

On the other side of the blue line, Duncan Keith and his lack of respect for the small,calcified, whitish strcutures in his mouth was awarded the coveted coverboy for the NHL11 video game this fall and he will once again be the anchor of the Blackhawks defense. With the loss of Brett Sopel, the Hawks rid themselves of arguably the worst skater in the NHL, but also a guy that would take a puck in the adams apple for the Hawks. Still, there will be no shortage of sliding puck blocks (easily the best play in hockey) with Campbell, Seabrook and Niklas Hjalmarsson protecting Marty Turco.

Overall, there will unquestionably be some sort of hangover due to the gallons of Busch Light that were drank by Kane and Co. this summer and hopefully no illegitamate children are a result of the last 3 months. No team has repeated as holders of the cup since the division-rival Red Wings pulled it off in the late 90's, but god knows everyone in Chicago will be talking about how big of a Hawks fan they are, so I suppose I'll get out my Zamboni's CD and keep my eyes peeled for the Hockey Monkey.

As for Pick of the Day, The Pulse Man is struggling heading into the weekend. But when the baseball playoffs do you wrong, there's nothing like a good 6 pack to ease your mind of betting debt. The Pulse Man's Saturday 6 pack is listed below, with the Sunday Teaser soon following on S-A, T-U-R, D-A-Y, NIGHT!

Saturday 6 Pack

2 Team Parlay:
1. Alabama (-7) @ South Carolina- BAMA
2. Minnesota @ Wisconsin- Combined Total Points 58- UNDER

3 Team Parlay:
1. Michigan St. @ Michigan- MICHIGAN, moneyline
2. BYU (+4.5) @ San Diego St.- BYU
3. Aurburn @ Kentucky- AUBRUN, moneyline

'Big Ticket Pick of the Day':
USC @ Stanford-Combined Total Points, 59-OVER

Record: (23-17-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost