Bosh Spice

The fact that the hashtag "#BoshSpice" was trending on Twitter was reason enough to write a nice little passion piece on how much of a fame-hungry moocher Heat forward Chris Bosh is. He has surpassed Derrick Fisher as the official "Coattail King". The fact that he shot the lowest field goal percentage by a pro (1-18) with at least 18 attempts since 1973 was pathetic. The fact that he should have won a SAG award for "Best Power Forward in a Post Defender Role" with his dramatic flop on Carlos Boozer was downright pitiful. But the fact that Chris Bosh, despite an awful performance, kept letting it fly like he was "heating up" in NBA Jam T.E and remained, without a doubt, the downright ugliest player on a floor that included an apparent seik (Carlos Boozer) and a Russian extra from a documentary on the Ottoman Empire (Zyrdunas Ilgauskas)is perhaps the most paltry of points. Although I would thoroughly enjoy devoting 3,000 words to demean every athletic and personal achievement that Chris Bosh has made in his entire life, including why on Earth the attached picture was ever taken, last night was about the Bulls.

When LeBron and Wade rushed out to an early lead while effortlessly throwing down highlight caliber dunks in transition, I'll admit, I thought the Bulls were going to struggle to keep the Heat under the 100 point benchmark, which usually spells trouble. But the Bulls depth was influential in keeping Chicago within striking distance and helped propel that massive 3rd quarter turnaround. The Bulls may have stood pat on the trade deadline, opting for a "hold the Mayo" approach in courting a new shooting guard, but Omer Asik was all over the window Thursday night. Double digit boards for the Big Turkey when people would have been satisfied just to see him put together an English sentence under his own power in September...no small potatoes.

Even though the Bulls' lead expanded and contracted more than Deena's waistline from the Jersey Shore, the Bulls held together like glue. With Bosh continuously laying bricks from all areas of the floor, the Bulls kept their bounce and used strong 3rd and 4th quarters from both Deng and Rose to help keep them in control of the game. Through every circus shot by Wade and LeBron that fell through the rim, through every worthless tidbit of Reggie Miller's analysis, the Bulls pressed on.

It's hard to describe in words what Derrick Rose does for the Bulls in the waning moments of the game, and last night was no exception. It is rare to see the poise of a cagey veteran wired into the floor game of such a young and talented megastar. He had the notion to can the deep two when the defense allotted him space, and he showed immeasurable trust in Luol by dishing him the rock in the corner with the game on the line. You'd think that by now D.Rose would have channeled his inner Stromile Swift and be understandably worried about some paternity suit or drug trafficking ring, but he has maintained his focus and stays a leg up (in my own objective opinion) in the MVP race.

And Lastly, yes, as most of you already know, Stacey King did tell me to "go to bed" last night via Twitter after I calmly told him to 'pump the breaks' following a series of utterly lame jokes. That's fine. When you lose, you lose. King Stacey-1, Chicago Sports Noise-0.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man suffered defeat at the hands of the Bulls' stifling 2nd half defense last night as they failed to cover the over. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes the new-look Knicks taking the Cavs by more than 7.5 in Cleveland. Giving them baron Davis is going to prove entirely worthless and Harangody can't save a city on his own. Cavs still suck.

Pick of the Day: Knicks (+7.5) @ Cavaliers- KNICKS

Record:(58-42-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Rap Sheet

For as much as I've used this blog as a platform to ruthlessly poke fun at the Toronto Raptors this season, I must say that I'm officially embarrassed today. I made those irrational comments a while back about people only being interested in the Raptors if they were to employ all denim unis and I think I may have even mentioned that I'd rather be in the D-League living on rye bread and Ramen than be under Jay Triano's watch as a Raptor. But Wednesday night,the purple dinosaurs from Ontario provided the Bulls with a much needed wake-up call before their showdown with the Miami Heat.

During the 1st quarter of last night's contest, the game resembled the first two meetings between the Bulls and Raptors so far this season--fast paced, high-scoring and hardly at the professional level defensively. Chicago was scoring at will in transition and Joakim literally pulled down every rebound he could get his hands on off the glass without a single Raptor challenging him. Noah had 10 first quarter rebounds in 8 minutes. The Bulls looked alive and alert despite Andrea Bargnani putting on a clinic from the low block on Taj Gibson.

In the second quarter, Ronnie Brewer found himself as a catalyst for 3 straight steals on 3 consecutive possessions. Triano had to call a timeout, calm down his squad, and make sure that everyone on the floor understood that #11 in red was not an offensive option for their team. Despite these instances of absolute superiority by the Bulls, I've got to say, the Raptors were impressive in the 2nd half and earned the W. Granted, the Bulls were pitiful, but the Raptors made me wonder.

Scrolling down the Raptor's roster, I figured out that Toronto has multiple players with the most unassuming names in the league. For instance, Ed Davis? He sounds like a guy who would hand you his business card at a corporate Verizon wireless store and expect you to ask for him by name the next time you supposedly "dropped your cell phone in water." In actuality, he's a 20 year-old rookie with stupid athleticism who had previously made use of the largest cotton t-shirt in the history of the human race during his days at UNC. Then you have Sonny Weems, a swingman from the deep south whose name lends itself to a combination of Adam Sandler's characters from the prime of his career--Big Daddy (Sonny Koufax) and Mr. Deeds (Longfellow Deeds). If that doesn't really start to make you think twice about the Raptors roster, look at former #1 overall pick, Andrea Bargnani. The Italian superstar nicknamed "Il Mago" (the magician) has to receive countless accidental google searches for people looking for Andrea Bocelli, the award-winning Italian tenor who also stakes claim as one of People Magazine's 50 most beautiful people. Throw in a sharp-shooting point guard with a name that sounds like a handsome Spanish prince (Jose Calderon) and an off-guard who has an uncanny resemblance to a garden snake (Leandro Barbosa) and there you have them, the Toronto Raptors.

After giving up 118 points to these Canadian misfits, Thibodeau had to have been spitting nails in the locker room. Simultaneously, as the Bulls were getting chewed out and then enduring a disheartening flight back to the Windy Cindy, James Johnson was enjoying an attractive french-Canadian Ontarian and his new promotion from 12th man to starting small forward. "Everything can change in the blink of an eye" -Bulls marketing slogan, 2002

As for Pick of the Day, the Grizzlies worked the T-Wolves in Minny and got Pulse Man his betting victory. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes the OVER in the Bulls/Heat game which is set at 192.5. After their defensive display last night, it should make for an easy cover.

Pick of the Day: Heat @ Bulls, total points-192.5- OVER

Record:(58-41-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Land of Stinkin

Perhaps 2011 just isn't the year for NCAA Division 1 basketball institutions in the Prairie State. In boasting 13 D-1 schools, the state of Illinois has failed to produce a single representative that is in the nation's top 25 or is winning their respective conference. The most glaring of the incidents at hand takes place in Champaign-Urbana, where an Illinois squad that was saddled with lofty expectations early is now hearing more talk about bubbles than a group of 7 year-olds planning a birthday party. But outside of the state's central public research university, the problems get worse. For example, of the 13 programs in Illinois, not a single one has a winning percentage over .500 in conference play. In fact, that underachieving bunch from Assembly Hall is the closest to that insignificant achievement with a conference record of (7-8). Say what you want about Illinois and Northwestern being a disappointment in 2011, but believe it or not they may be in the best position with the last month of the season drawing near.

It is often said that the state of Illinois represents a microcosm for the nation as a whole. We have the 3rd largest city in the country and miles upon miles of rolling plains all encompassed within the parameters of a single state. Similarly, Illinois can conceivably illustrate a microcosm of the country's college basketball landscape as well. We have two Big 10 schools and a Big East school (major power conferences), 3 Missouri Valley schools (High Mid-Major), 2 Horizon League teams (Mid-Major), 2 Ohio Valley Conference programs (Low Mid-Major), a Summit League school (Low) and one member of the Great West Conference (Who the _____ is in that besides Chicago St.?)

The more you look at the numbers, the more pathetic it seems for one of the country's premiere high school basketball states to show such low levels of achievement in the college ranks. In the Missouri Valley, the 3 schools that represent Illinois have all had their moment in the sun within the last 5 years. ISU had a few great years behind Osiris Eldridge and Co. and were within a 30 point loss to Drake in the MVC conference title game away from making the Big Dance. Bradley had a sweet 16 run powered by their fiery frontman, Jim Les, and center Patrick O'Bryant, who used the NCAA tournament as a springboard into becoming a lottery pick, only for NBA scouts to later realize why he was at Bradley in the first place (currently in NBDL). Southern Illinois, or 'SO ILL' as they were often abbreviated as on CBS, were once an NCAA tourney staple, priding itself on strong defense and great guard play. Now, the 3 aforementioned teams are the last teams listed in the MVC conference standings. Talk about peaks and valleys (pun absolutely intended).

We often talk about how bad DePaul is, and trust me, it's warranted, but how about the other institutions of higher education downtown? Loyola ranks 8th out of 10 in the Horizon League, and embarrassingly enough, that UIC Flames team that beat U of I in the United Center earlier this year--(2-15) in conference. Good enough for, you guessed it, last place.

If you want to try to head west to find some better basketball, good luck. The Leathernecks of Western Illinois are 9th out of a possible 10 teams in the highly-touted Summit League, ahead of only Centenary in fighting off the conference cellar. Also, strangely enough, Chicago St. plays in a league that refers to itself as the Great West Conference. Nobody has heard of the league, or any of its members, but after further research, I found that the Cougars are 5th...of 7.

I know what you're thinking now, at least we have the east, right? Well, The Pulse Man's beloved EIU Panthers are 9th out of 11 in the Ohio Valley. And to top it off, one of the two teams below Eastern in the standings is the newly-instated SIU-Edwardsville Cougars, who sit at a hardly respectable 7-20. Last, and quite possibly least, NIU sits at (3-9, 11th) in the MAC, which is surprisingly down this year. We're just going down, down in an earlier round. That's what happens, you have 13 teams, 2 in last place, 6 with less than 4 conference wins and 0 over .500 in league play, and I'm quoting Fall Out Boy. Despicable.

I admit, this is hard to do. It's like something that was once so good has gone to hell incredibly fast. Kind of like how we felt about Bob Dylan at the Grammy's; make sure he's still breathing and get the man another smokey treat, don't subject him to public performance during his worst hour. It really is a damn shame. I guess the times they-are-a changin'...

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man covered the spread in Bradley's 1 point loss to ISU in Normal Tuesday night. After all, somebody had to win. For tonight, with the T-Wolves now victim to the collective curses of Eddy Curry, Darko and Mike Beasley all at once, I'll take the Grizzlies giving 2.5.

Pick of the Day: Grizzlies (+2.5) @ Timberwolves- GRIZZLIES

Record:(57-41-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Diamond Rios

I'm not sure whether Alex Rios misunderstood the question, or just gave a misguided response because he doesn't know any better, but calling the White Sox the "team to beat in the AL Central" already just simply isn't the case. Historically, the 'team to beat' in the division or league is the team that won it last. At least that's how I've always interpreted it. Such a novel concept, I know. But the consummate 5-tool player from Coffee, Alabama popped off during a meaningless spring training interview and made headlines by belittling the Twins in crowning his own South Side club as the division favorites in 2011. I agree, Spring Training is worthless. It's like syllabus week in the Fall semester of college--just a reason to kick it with your buddies and have a few pops while reminiscing about all of the smokeshows you met at North Beach over the summer that slept over in your parent's basement a few nights (some of the best fabricated stories ever told). It's all peaches until someone lashes out with a story completely over the top, entirely outside of the realm of legitimate possibility, gets called out on it, and then everyone is awkward around said storyteller until he has enough G&T's to fess up and admit he was up to his neck in BS a week or so later. In a way, that's exactly what happened in the case of Diamond Rios.

In case you couldn't tell, Ozzie has the utmost respect for the Twins, and why wouldn't he? They continue to compete at the top of the division every year with in-house talent. Even now that their payroll has expanded dramatically with the signing of Mauer's monster deal, the Twins lived up to the bill (no pun intended) and have won the last 2 division titles. Although you can barely call Ozzie's speech in interviews coherent or entirely lucid, when speaking of the Twins, he usually provides no comments that undermine his rival to the north. In the same breath, however, Ozzie is never going to let his players feel like he doesn't have supreme confidence in them heading into the year, so he made a few comments to Chicago media outlets that reiterated the fact that he definitely thinks the Sox can, in fact win the division, but in no way called them the 'team to beat' just yet.

According to the oddsmakers on the strip, the odds of the Sox winning the Fall Classic are listed at 25-1, which gives them bragging rights in the city (Cubs are 35-1) but not within the Central (Twins are 18-1). With that being said, the AL Central is going to be one of the worst divisions in baseball in 2011. Outside of Minnesota and Chicago, you have the Indians (80-1), who will seemingly follow the same pathetic standard that the Cavs have preceded them with this season in Cleveland, and the Tigers, with Miggy Cabrera as their team leader, a volatile character who is one more DUI or domestic violence dispute away from having an equivalent rap sheet to their city's hero, Slim Shady. (On a side note, that loser is 40 years old. You'd think he would have gotten over thinking cursing incessantly, bleaching your hair and subjecting your child to a horrific childhood would be cool and great fodder for selling records. Sick commercial though, loser.) And lastly you have the Kansas City Royals (125-1), a franchise that can only get people in Kauffman Stadium if they let all the 11-year old die-hards play in the fountains in the outfield during the 7th inning stretch. I think the Sox are safe with at least a 2nd place finish.

Still, I'm intrigued by the Sox off-season and am looking forward to watching their games on a muted television in late spring (Hawk Harrelson is a bumbling idiot). This is Gordon Beckham's coming out party in which he has the chance to prove he's more than just a pretty face with a haircut he stole off Alex Binder from Two-A-Days. Insert Donkey Dunn into the middle of that lineup to protect Paulie and Rios and you have some power from both sides of the dish. I'd be lying if I was to say that the Men in Black didn't have the potential in place to win the division. Nevertheless, it's imperative that the Sox get off to a hot start to jump out to an early lead in the division while Morneau is on the mend in Minneapolis. Otherwise, calling them the team to beat this early in the spring is comparable to some jive talk you'd read on Oney Guillen's twitter page.

As for Pick of the Day, the WMU Broncos couldn't pull out a win in Kalamazoo last night as they dropped one to the Kent St. Golden Flashes by a bucket. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes Bradley covering the +3.5 spread they are getting at ISU. Both teams are bad, the game should prove to be even worse.

Pick of the Day: Bradley (+3.5) @ Illinois St.- BRADLEY

Record:(56-41-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Candy Kane

Self-admittedly, I don't know much about hockey. Foreign people love it, it involves a puck, fighting and a lot of people with short-tempers. For all I know, it might as well be the Real World: San Francisco. That is why before I write a blog on the Blackhawks, I usually consult someone who is well-versed in "the coolest game on earth". In this case, it was my main man, Ryan "Little League" Lind, a former hard hitting captain of the LZHS hockey club, that was referenced as the know-all in all things stick and puck. So in talking to Little League, it was apparent that he was understandably frustrated with the underachieving Hawks squad in 2011. Amongst other things, he mentioned to me how undervalued their 3rd line 'energy guys' were from a year ago (Sopel, Eager, Burish), and how much they miss Niemi in between the pipes. But most of all, they miss the Patrick Kane of old.

Even after watching Kane net the game-winning shootout goal with a pretty, stick side deke move in which he stole from Charlie Conway, it only salvaged his terrible overtime period. Kane was all over the ice in the extra frame, and I don't mean that in a complimentary way. He was loose with the puck, almost careless at times, and turned the puck over more times than an undercooked turkey burger. I know he missed some time recently due to illness and had to get some reps to wear off the rust, but 88 looked off on Sunday.

I'm not going to sit here and chastise Kane for supposedly being out slammin' sangria and sexting slam pieces on the night when he was supposedly ill. I don't care about that at all. He's 22 and has enough money to buy a round of shots for every person who resides in Estonia (who coincidentally love hockey), he's going to do what he wants. He's a frat boy with deep pockets and two sisters that are absolute dimes. So take your shirt off, beat the piss out of an innocent cabbie over the cost of a chiclet, chug Busch Lights incessantly in front of children that idolize you--I don't give a rip--live the life you love, Kaner. I have to say though, it was a lot easier to put up with his off-the-ice antics and write them off as cute when he was producing points. Now that he's been force fed 'Chicago sports icon' status, people are now starting to see Kane as an overpaid ($31.5 contract), under-producing (43rd and 37th in the league in goals and assists respectively) punk.

In his defense, nobody is having a good year. Duncan Keith has been almost as bad as his haircut and Hossa has missed a lot of ice time. Is Kane entitled to a, dare I say it, "hangover" season? He consistently came up huge for the Hawks a year ago and helped deliver their first Cup since JFK established the Peace Corps in '61. I suppose so. But what PK needs to do is help us help him. Stop pulling Ferris Bueller sick days and turning in a thermometer to Coach Q that you just nuked under your hotel lamp. Keep your sweater on and show up on the daily...show some accountability. If you do that, then we'll put up with your Tara Reid headlines that you produce on the weekends. At least you're producing something.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man was burned by Harvard Friday night and looks to President's Day as the stage to get back on track. For the Head of State holiday and in honor of Ryan "Little League" Lind, the Pulse Man likes Little League's alma mater, the Western Michigan Broncos to take care of business at home against Kent St. It's a pick 'em affair in Kalamazoo.

Pick of the Day: Kent St. @ Western Michigan (pick 'em)- WESTERN MICHIGAN

Record:(56-40-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Private Sector

Just in case you didn't hear any snide remarks at your place of employment today such as, "Did you hear DePaul won yesterday? Does this mean we have to start listening to Macy Gray again?" now you're covered. Yes, DePaul won a Big East Game. On the road. For the first time since March 6, 2008. The truth is, I cannot write anything about the actual game considering I watched about 5 possessions of the entire thing. I know that this probably solidifies me as a lesser fan than most, but this game showcased two of the worst teams in the Big East mixed in a sloppy, dogged affair that was being analyzed by two women. Not that I'm sexist or anything, but when is the last time you saw two females broadcasting a male sporting event that wasn't syndicated by a high school radio station? It was as if ESPN2 decided to air this game, which is puzzling in its own right, and then they couldn't even drag a loser like Jimmy Dykes (no pun intended) to voyage outside Providence to analyze it. Not to mention, the Bulls were on, the Shore was coming up, I had a few eps of Hawaii Five-0 DVR'd (shout out @UnclePdog)...you get where I'm going with this.

Even though I didn't watch the game, seeing DePaul and Providence battle it out for the Big East basement got me to thinking how far some of these teams have fallen. Look past the top 1/2 of the Big East and you will find some schools with reputably high-levels of basketball prestige growing mold at the bottom of the Big East standings. For example, DePaul, Providence, Marquette and Seton Hall all find themselves in the bottom half, and without taking into account Steve Lavin's revival of this year's St. Johns team, the Red Storm would be right along side of them. How did these private institutions come so far so fast? It's simple. They are smaller market, private schools that simply cannot compete with the 16 team royal rumble that is the Big East Conference basketball season.

A lot of times you will hear people rave about how tough the Big East is. Congratulations, you have just proved the most glaringly obvious point since the Scott Peterson trial. Of course it is! You have 16 teams including UCONN, Georgetown, Pitt, Villanova, Louisville and Syracuse--that's not a conference schedule, it's a pre-season top 25 tourney year after year. The glory days for the "Altar Boys" (DePaul, Marquette, Seton Hall, Providence, St. Johns) were all during a time when they didn't have to face the bigger state schools of the Northeast, at least not in conference play.

Although this is of course just a hypothetical seeing as only a few people outside of my immediate blood-related family even know this website exists, I figured why not put all the well-to-do Catholic/Roman Catholic/I don't know the difference schools from east of the Mississippi in one league. Genius, I know. It's like the Catholic league of the NCAA's. And better yet, since all Catholic schools hate each other, why not pit them against each other to maximize the religious experience? For instance, DePaul and Marquette don't like each other because they share a state border, St. Joe's and Nova can't see eye-to-eye because they share Philly, and simply put, nobody other than their own fans enjoys Notre Dame. Are all of you smarmy nerds from private high schools excited yet? Here we go.

It would be a 8 team league, narrowing the Big East down to the size of a normal conference. Think of it as an extraordinarily attractive woman getting a breast reduction. Of course, it makes her less appealing, but she's helping out other women everywhere in the process. Selfless. You have Villanova, Providence, DePaul, Marquette, St. Johns and Seton Hall pulled from the Big East and then you throw in St. Joes and Xavier from the A-10. St. Joe's and Xavier are the only schools who accomplish anything in terms of basketball in that conference anyways (since Marcus Camby left Umass), so if we extract them, we can make the A-10 entirely irrelevant. Fine by me.

So there is your 8 team league. All are rich in basketball lore; all are private, church affiliated institutions. I feel like this is a better way for past players and basketball ambassadors like Chris Mullin, Rod Strickland, Doc Rivers and Delonte West to feel a continued sense of pride in their alma mater. These schools are rich in coaching tradition as well. How can you forget Al Maguire, Rick Pitino, Ray Meyer and Bill Raftery? Leave the lingerie on the deck, and get the hell out of the Big East.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man already mentioned earlier today that he likes the pride of Highland Park, Chris Wroblewski, to carry the Cornell Big Red within a 4.5 spread at home against Harvard while simultaneously chewing Big Red. They're Ivy League kids, I think they can handle it.

Pick of the Day: Harvard @ Cornell (+4.5) CORNELL

Record: (56-39-0)

Don't forget to visit Zach Kelly's blog to hear about his travels with the roundball overseas. If you're apprehensive to do so because his name happens to possess the names of both main characters from Saved by the Bell, I assure you it's merely coincidental.

And last, special thanks to Sean Wallis (@swallball) for throwing a re-tweet in my direction yesterday. Unbeknownst to me, Sean has more followers than the entire Jehovah's witness religious practice, so thank you.

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

On the Heir

Replacing a legend is no easy task. Just ask Chris "Izzy" Cole, Mark Wahlberg's character in Rock Star, who failed to live up to the hype Bobby Beers set forth as the front man of Steel Dragon. If that comparison doesn't do much for you, how about Tony Batista? Never heard of him? That's probably because he hasn't done a damn thing since taking over for Cal Ripken at third base in Baltimore in 2001. Quite frankly, neither have the Orioles. It's usually the same story: the Dolphins after Marino, the Celtics after Bird (the Dana Barros era), the Bills after...well, the 90's, etc. Granted, all of these instances are cases of on-field heroes; people who were directly involved with the outcome of the game. Even so, replacing a voice that transpires the game for a collection of people can be a task equally as daunting. A voice that people have familiarized a team with, a voice that has encapsulated a history of torment so deep, so ingrained in people's cultures that it has shaped their summers for a century.

This is exactly the predicament that Keith Moreland walks into. If you're my age, chances are the only time you've heard Moreland's name mentioned, if ever, was when he was immortalized in Steve Goodman's "A Dying Cub Fan's Last Request" with the inciting line, "have Keith Moreland drop a routine fly." We grew up with Ron coming through the speakers of our car stereos. Even during the last years when Santo was really sick, he showed up to the ballpark most of the time. In his own right, Ron Santo was like Kurt Cobain during his final years of life in the mid 90's--he was sick, literally killing himself by showing up to perform, but you could never question the passion involved in his final product. Deservingly enough, they both had loyal followings that were heartsick to see them go.

Enter 'Zonk', the 56 year old Texan corner outfielder who helped the Cubs garner the 1984 NL East crown. The bad news, of course, is the aforementioned notion that he is replacing the irreplaceable. The good news is that he's sharing a booth with one of the best in sports. Honestly, Pat Hughes is as smooth as The Situation in the 'smush room' or the vocals on Norah Jones' first LP, whichever you prefer. It would be hard for Rosie Perez to screw up a Pat Hughes broadcast, so Moreland just needs to sit back, do his thing, and add some of the rhyme to the recipe that made Santo so beloved by generations of Cub fans--the color.

So when Pat asks Keith to "tell us about Paul Maholm, Zonk" on opening day, I wouldn't be disappointed or shocked to hear the following:

"To tell you the truth, Pat, I haven't seen much of Maholm during my drop-in substitutions for Bob Brenly while he was vacationing in Boca Raton last year. So, all I really know is what I have here on this sheet in front of me that was just made by a 24 year old intern named Tony from Melrose Park less than 12 minutes ago. Considering he's a Pirate and would rather be laying carpet (literally, not figuratively. Pervert), I would venture to say that Maholm throws an array of absolutely average pitches that the Cubs $100 million lineup should tee off on. Then again, it's opening day and look where we are...Wrigley Field in April, Pat. Anything is plausible."

Good luck to you, Keith. Godspeed. And may the summer winds of Wrigleyville be always at your back.

As for Pick of the Day, the Hawkeyes came through at Welsh-Ryan for the Pulse Man as he extended his winning streak to 3. For the weekend, since the NBA All-Star break is among us, the Pulse Man shifts gears to Ivy League basketball and likes Chris Wroblewski's Cornell squad to cover the 4.5 cushion they're getting at home against Harvard.

Pick of the Day: Harvard @ Cornell (+4.5)- CORNELL

Record:(56-39-0)

Also, I'd like to send a special plug to a friend of mine who is playing basketball professionally across the pond, Mr. Zach Kelly. As a former member of the Glenbrook North Spartans state champion squad in '05 and subsequently the team that knocked off the highly touted Lake Zurich Bears in 2006, I was reluctant to give Zach his fair share of recognition. But with Spring in the air, Chicago Sports Noise has decided to let its guard down and give Zach the notoriety he deserves. Check out Zach's blog (www.puttingtheproinsemipro.blogspot.com) for incriminating photos of fellow GBN alumnus, Sean Wallis. Also, for some more high comedy, check out ZK's team website (http://www.bradforddragons.co.uk/index.html) and don't forget to make a trip to the infamous "Dragon Store". I made a few purchases that I'll probably regret.

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Seeing is Believing

First off, as a precursor to this blog, I ask that you read Jon Greenberg's recent article detailing the basketball comeback of Jon Scheyer. I know two articles in one sitting is some hefty reading, but I promise I would never recommend any supplementary readings unless I found them to be worth your while.

Perhaps I'm biased because we are "friends" on Facebook. Or maybe I'm a tad impartial because I've shook his hand on a few occasions, but I see myself to be a considerably large Jon Scheyer fan. Nonetheless, he did end my high school basketball career prematurely in 2006, so it hasn't been all popcorn and Prince singles between him and I. Still, I have always found myself pulling for his success. If at this point you're thinking I'm one of those garbage eaters you knew in high school who obnoxiously championed Duke's success for no reasons other than that they were A)always good, and B)always on television, that's not me. And furthermore, if you think I don't despise Glenbrook North like the rest of 21st century America, you're wrong again. I do, and with conviction. And lastly, if you think I am holding this viewpoint simply because I am Jewish, that makes 3 wrongs. I'm not.

But the native son of Northbrook has always presented himself as the consummate class act. Ever since he was conducting interviews before he was legally allowed to swallow an Accutane tablet as a 7th grader, he mastered the art of thanking one's teammates and complimenting the other team--a skill that most professionals still haven't learned. In short, he has always presented himself as a likable guy despite wearing two of the most polarizing uniforms I can possibly imagine in succession. Don't get me wrong, he had his fair share of detractors at every level. During GBN's state title run in 2005, their opponents consistently opted to employ man-to-man principles in accounting for a kid who was scoring more regularly than the cast of Glory Daze. In college, it was his athleticism, then his physical strength, then his ball handling--you name it. He again made them eat their words like those word munchers games you played on those vibrantly colored Macs in grade school.

As it turns out, the only thing that could slow down Scheyer's path to the highest platform in the basketball profession was an errant swipe of an opponent's finger. All of it could have been gone--transpired into some once-upon-a-time fable that could serve as the sequel to 'The Pistol-The Birth of a Legend'. After swallowing the sorrow seeds of unemployment for a few months while tirelessly working out to give himself another shot at the NBA (essentially we were doing the same thing), Scheyer has been signed. Not by the Nets, or the Clippers, or even the lowly Toronto Raptors (I honestly might rather be in the D-League)...but by the Rio Grande Valley Vipers of the NBA-Developmental League. So if you're charting his journey with thumbtacks on a world map in your household den, he surfaced on the shores of the ritzy shops and $8.00 bagel sandwiches of Northbrook,IL, then voyaged eastward and conquered the babes of the Bible Belt in just 4 short years. Now, he finds himself amongst the vast plains and 10-gallon heads of Hidalgo, Texas, just a border jump away from the Mexican countryside.

The only remnants of his eye injury that remain today are a pair of protective goggles he must wear that were once popularized by James Worthy, Kareem and Kurt Rambis (Yea, they had 3 guys on 1 squad with goggles--MAN'S GAME). If I know Scheyer like I think I do, and I absolutely don't, he won't care about the buffoonery he takes from fans on the road about his choice of protective eyewear. As of February 17, 2011, the phrase "Scheyerface" returned 15,746 results from Google Images. Do you really think he cares? And if you think he's going to rot in the D-League, pile on the pasta and change vocations to a high school P.E. teacher like Kevin Pittsnogle or the Pulse Man, you have another thing coming. Not to say that the D-League isn't loaded with the college talent of our yesterdays (A few of my favorites: Raivio-Gonzaga, Kramer-Purdue, J.R. Giddens-New Mexico, Salim Stoudamire-Zona, Jerel McNeal-Marquette), but I would think Scheyer will rise to the big league in no time once he gets to %100. He was a 1st team All-American and a unanimous 1st team All-ACC performer, what has Sasha Vujacic ever done?

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man covered the over in the Bulls/Bobcats game Tuesday night with MJ and Scottie on hand to take it all in. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes Iowa, yes Iowa, getting 9 points at Welsh-Ryan Arena tonight against Northwestern. On Iowa!

Pick of the Day: Iowa (+9) @ Northwestern- IOWA

Record:(55-39-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Tommy Gun in the Montana Sky

When someone told Nate Montana ate a young age, "the name on the front of your jersey is just as important as the name on the back", he took it a little too literally. Coming out of high school in Santa Clara, Nate Montana was faced with a choice that would shape his future as a college quarterback. After not being offered a scholarship from Charlie Weis, Montana could chase his dream of following in his dad's footsteps at Notre Dame as a walk-on. Or, he could enroll at an FCS school that actually wanted him as their quarterback and not a publicity stunt in order to sell some throwback #16 jerseys in South Bend. After spending 2009 at Pasadena City College further trying to prove himself as a legitimate BCS conference QB, Montana chose South Bend as his destination in hope of embodying the story of 'Rudy' his own father claims to have never held true. Truth be told, Montana never had a shot to amount to anything but a 3rd string quarterback at Notre Dame, but his name was intriguing to Irish fans. And after a tumultuous year in which his dad started advertising Skechers, he got caught pounding suds underage with Timmy Abromaitis, and a football season in which he accumulated 18 total pass attempts and an INT, Montana is headed for the rolling plains and open skies of...Montana. Seems fitting. At least now Nate can wear his jersey backwards and no one will notice, and considering they're in Montana, nobody will care.

To be honest, Nate Montana isn't worth an entire blog. He's just a third string QB done in by the immensity of his father's shadow. It's like a more realistic version of James Van Der Beek's story in Varsity Blues, except nobody named Billy Bob was involved and all of the cases of whipped cream bikins and premarital sex are unbeknownst to us.

The fact of the matter is however that with or without Nate Montana, Brian Kelly has a quarterback controversy on his hands. On one side of the proverbial fence, you have Dayne Crist, who will be a senior come next fall and has put together relatively productive numbers when his legs weren't in the ice bucket last season. Contrarily, you have Tommy "Gun" Rees, a freshman who fearlessly stepped in as ND's signal-caller during that abominable home collapse at the mercy of Tulsa and actually won his first four games as a starter for the Irish, including upset wins over Utah and ND's arch-rival to the West, USC. Not to mention, Rees ran the the offense like one of the Irish greats of old in the Sun Bowl, culminating in a 33-17 vicotry of the U, the new home of former Michigan QB, Tate Forcier, otherwise referred to as the biggest tool in major college sports.

I think you all can formulate the choice I am campaigning for here. After yet another disappointing season in South Bend, it seems like a no-brainer to play the potential rather than hoping that a player who has been plagued by injury throughout his entire career can somehow keep his body in tact en route to a BCS bowl season.

I'm an advocate for Tommy Gun not only because he is a Lake Forest product, a Scout if you will, and I'm the biggest Lake County homer there is, but it is honestly the most logical choice for Notre Dame football. After last season, I hope Notre Dame knows that Tommy Rees is the answer indefinitely, not probably, otherwise we'll stay down like the economy. Did I get that right?

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man delivers again in calling the demise of the #1 team in the land. Jacob Pullen got hot and the rest of the Wildcats followed suit in demolishing Kansas in Manhattan last night. For tonight, the Pulse Man is cooking up some home brew and likes the Bulls to cover the OVER on their game against the Bobcats which is set at 182.5.

Record:(54-39-0)

Pick of the Day: Bobcats @ Bulls- Total Points, 182.5- OVER

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Marmol-ade

As the always intelligible Lil' Kim stated in her verse for the smash hit, 'Lady Marmalade', "hey sistas, soul sistas, bettah get dat dough, sista!" And that's exactly what Carlos Marmol did. The Cubs and their closer completed a deal Monday morning that will keep Marmol a member of the Cubs for the next 3 seasons at a reported price of $19 million altogether. Fine by me. After setting the K/9 record (nothing to do with dogs) at 16 per, making the All-Star team and plunking more batsmen than a disgruntled teen in Triple Play '99, it's the least we could do for the guy. A 3 year deal is perfect for Marmol, and the price, to me is irrelevant. Someone would have paid him if we didn't, so why not pony-up and cut the check for a man whose right arm is seemingly made out of the same rubbery material as Mick Jagger's entire lower body?

Why is 3 years perfect instead of a 6 or 7 year 'hockey deal' you might ask? Because the shelf life of a closer, especially in the National League, is roughly around 3 years. Give or take a few. These aren't air-tight bags of rice or cans of tuna in your maple cupboard, these are human beings who have to deal with the emotional and physical stress of only appearing when they are susceptible to screwing up. Remember what happened to Eric Gagne? In a few years, Brian Wilson's beard will be the same as Robbie Hummel's sideburns--non-existent and completely irrelevant. That's just the nature of the beast with these guys.

The back-end of the Cubs bullpen looks good to me though, and I mean that in the most non-sexual way possible. If Kerry Wood can be a consistent set-up man from the right side and my main man Sean Marshall can deal from the left, the Cubs seem to have a nice path to get to our 28 year old, Dominican closer with Reggie Miller's ears in the 9th inning. Building a lead? Now that might be a problem.

The year Marmol put together in 2010 was truly something spectacular. As I mentioned earlier, he broke some records, buckled some knees and held opponents to a .154 clip against him. Granted, he's going to issue 3 consecutive free passes on occasion and cause every octogenarian Cub fan to fall into cardiac arrest. But most of the time, he finds his way out of it in the most exhilarating fashion possible (3 straight K's). Whether it be with his frisbee slider or with his tailing fastball, Carlos makes professional hitters look those poor 11 year old kids who had to spend the summer of 2001 trying to touch a fastball from a kid 5 years their senior (Danny Almonte). I'm glad he's locked up. Marmol, not Almonte.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man took the OVER in the Cavs/Clips tilt on Friday night and they covered by almost 40 points. What a game it was. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes Kansas St. getting 6 points at home in the Little Apple against in-state rival Kansas. If nothing else, Frank Martin's neck veins should be fun to watch.

Pick of the day: Kansas @ Kansas St. (+6)- KANSAS ST.

Record:(53-39-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

No Assembly (Hall) Required

Bruce Weber is off the grill (no pun intended). For now at least. After the grill marks were made evident on his orange blazer after losing 3 of 4, including a defeat to in-state rival Northwestern, Bruce was definitely feeling the heat. His Fighting Illini hadn't won a game on the road since they scooped up a win on what is now referred to as MediaCom court in Iowa City on December 29th. Before that, their last win outside of the House of Paign was in Kalamazoo in late November (shout out to Toad, Tez and Lindo). To make matters worse, as of late, the Illini hadn't just been struggling in games they couldn't walk to from their off-campus houses, they've been struggling all together. It seemed as if Weber was losing control of his senior-laden Illini bunch after the first go-round in the conference schedule.

It's hard to imagine that U of I's marquee players were satisfied with their success from a year ago amidst those "I-L-L,N-I-T" chants that were bestowed upon them as they strolled through the campus quad, but that just might indeed be the case. Consider this, a year ago Demetri McCamey established himself as one of the premiere floor generals in college basketball by leading the Big 10 in helpers and also being amongst the conference's elite in assist to turnover ratio. Mike Davis led the Big 10 in rebounding. And Tisdale, well Mike was running up $50 tabs and making out with sub 5 footers at Kams and Station like he was the MVP (most valuable primate, of course) of the Big 10 tourney. Maybe they got a little comfortable. A little too content perhaps?

In the same breath though, all of this burden shouldn't be shouldered by the men in uniform. Not saying that this means anything at all, but Weber has made it out to seem that him and McC have this blossoming father/son relationship reminiscent of Chevy Chase and JTT in 'Man of the House'. He has micromanaged his star player this season at the end of games and has consistently opted for running structured sets instead of isolating #32 with hopes of him probing the painted area. Recently, he has gone as far as publicly criticizing his senior leaders. The animosity reached a boiling point last night when McCamey and Tisdale were both left out of the starting lineup for the first time in 3 years, giving the ever-worthless Bill Cole the nod.

Now, does Bill Cole have more talent than Demetri McCamey in some areas of life? Certainly. Euclidean Geometry and Neurophysiology just to name a few, but basketball is definitely not one of them. I know this, McCamey and Cole know this, and some freshman Delta Gamma pledge who knows nothing about hoops other than the fact that both the rim and the ball are monochromatic orange knows this. I have to give it to McCamey though, instead of reacting like an infantile worm like most Cousy Award finalists would have done had they been benched (Sean Wallis), he came out and got after it, diving on loose balls like he was Lucas Johnson circa 2002. Last night in 'The Barn', Bruce rolled out the ball and let McCamey run the show in a high-octane, fast paced game. Sure, the Orange and Blue gave up some easy buckets, but they looked free-flowing on the offensive end which is something that hasn't exactly been U of I's calling card in 2011.

So even if it came at the expense of my favorite player in college basketball, Minnesota's Blake Hoffarber, last night's win was a huge statement for Illinois. As the season has progressed, I have become increasingly pessimistic about the final outcome of Illinois' season in 2011. But last night might just have been a flicker of light from a Yankee Candle. They took down a man named Tubby, in a barn, on an elevated stage, in front of 20,000 people. Does that sound eerily similar to underground wrestling to anyone else? This has to be a good thing.

As for Pick of the Day, how do you tell when you're on a losing streak? When your alma mater betrays you by a half of a point when they're getting 15+! The Pulse Man was up in arms at the travesty that occurred against Morehead State last night as his beloved Panthers fell by 16 after the oddsmakers sized them up as 15.5 point dogs. Oh, well. For this weekend, the Pulse Man likes the OVER in the Cavaliers/Clippers game tonight set at 206. Just to make it known, HE IS NOT ADVISING YOU TO WATCH THIS GAME. In fact, he is advising you not to. Just check the box and cut that check.

Pick of the Day: Clippers @ Cavaliers- Total Points, OVER

Record:(52-39-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Point-ed Argument

The Chicago Bulls and the Utah Jazz, ever since their rivalry sprung into the national spotlight in the mid-to-late 90's, have always represented paradoxical ideologies. It's Mormon country and mountains of snow pitted against hipsters and the biting breeze of the Windy City. It was Stockton's nuthuggers versus Jordan's baggy shorts. It was Hornacek wiping his sideburns to commemorate his children juxtaposed with Rodman wearing a wedding dress on the weekends. The entire rivalry became somewhat of an anomaly.

Years later, things have changed drastically, but the intensity between these old rivals still lives on. The Delta Center has now become Energy Solutions Arena, but the Salt Lake City venue still confines one of the more passionate fan bases in all of sports into one ear-piercing arena. Similar to the raucous crowds that professional basketball in Utah has become so accustomed to, their front-man remains the same--the ageless Jerry Sloan. After Jerry was fired as the Bulls' head coach in 1982, he has since went on to become one of the most successful coaches in the history of the NBA in Utah and has become the longest tenured coach in North American professional sports. He has stapled the Jazz franchise with a devotion to gritty defense and has remained faithful to the pick and roll offense that has kept him successful for nearly 25 years at the helm. And, after Jazz management surrendered 3/5 of their scoring production to Chicago, Sloan still has the Jazz making sweet music (no pun intended) in the NBA West (6 spot).

But with the age old Bulls/Jazz NBA Finals rivalries in the rear-view mirror, the importance of these two teams meeting has shifted into showcasing one of the league's most captivating spectacles. No, I'm not referencing Kirilenko's pumpkin pie haircut versus Joakim's ponytail, it's Rose vs. Williams. Watching Derrick and Deron run the show for their respective teams last night advertised two of the best lead guards in the game. Ever since Rose has blossomed (no pun intended, again) into superstardom, his critics have been hesitant to classify him in the same breath as Chris Paul, Steve Nash and of course, Deron Williams.

But last night, the Rose/Williams rivalry didn't exactly live up to its hype. For example, Rose had 29 and 7, with some big shots sprinkled in that don't exactly make the box score, but he was 11-26 from the floor. If you don't understand exactly how many hoists 26 shots is, Monta Ellis leads the NBA in field goals attempted (1,025) and pops off roughly 20 times a game. Deron, on the other hand, only had 11 points to go along with 12 assists in a 40 minute body of work. Obviously, neither player reached the heights that they were capable of in last night's affair. Maybe because they held each other in check, or maybe it was because it was a meaningless interleague tilt on a Wednesday night in the Great Salt Lake (one of the more bad ass music videos and songs of all time).

Don't get me wrong, I love both of these guys. Both are explosive off the dribble in penetration and both have tirelessly worked to make great strides in improving their jumpers since they've entered the highest level of basketball competition. Not to mention, they both have questionable arm tattoos (Rose has that Merlin-like wizard that reads "Poohdini" on his arm and Deron has that oversized Black Panther sprawling his shoulder). These players have a lot of similarities and both have used the Land of Lincoln to stage some of their finest accomplishments. In the end, maybe this was Boozer, Korver and Brewer's night in their return to Beehive state. We'll have another chance to see Derrick measure himself against one of the finer guards in the league on Saturday against CP3. Hopefully he's on point, get it?

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man has slipped to 52-38 after suffering a loss at the hands of the Evansville Aces earlier in the week. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes his alma mater, the EIU Panthers, getting a 15.5 point spread tonight at Morehead State. I don't think he knows much about Morehead, but 15.5 is a whole lot of points. Two words: Panther Pride.

Pick of the Day: Eastern Illinois (+15.5) @ Morehead St.- EASTERN ILLINOIS

Record:(52-38-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Blazed and Confused

You've got to give it to Rip City. They've been to hell and back this year and still have managed to put out an enjoyable product for those loyal Oregonians. Their stud, Brandon Roy, who Ron Artest referred to as the "best player he's ever played against (other than his boy from Queensbridge)" has worse knees than Broadway Joe Namath. And, if that wasn't bad enough, their fabled #1 pick from a few years back has made more of a splash with his MMS messages more so than his actual on-court performance. Still, with an aging point guard with the most generic skill set in the NBA and one of the most underrated and versatile post players in the league, Portland maintains the 8 spot in the NBA's talented Western Conference.

You can go ahead and chalk up the Oden #1 overall pick as a mistake at this point. Even if he salvages his injury-riddled career that he has had thus far and turns into a cross-breed between Patrick Ewing and Dikembe Mutombo, there is no way his ceiling will eclipse that of Kevin Durant. There's just no way. But Portland hasn't used the "Ballad of Sam Bowie" or the "Omen from Oden" to keep their franchise from succeeding. Sure, they had that stretch a few years back when they could barely field a roster because the majority of their team was incarcerated. But that's over now, Rasheed's a happily retired man, Zach Randolph has resurrected his career, if not his morals, in Memphis and Darius Miles is probably filming the sequel to The Perfect Score so he can finance his next crack rock purchase. Portland has now chosen to put their team on the shoulders of Andre "Air YMCA" MIller and LaMarcus Aldridge, who exploded for an impressive 40 on the Bulls' array of below-average interior defenders last night.

Maybe I haven't watched the Blazers enough because I like to think that I have better things to do when their games air on TNT at 10:30 PM every Friday, but they truly impressed me last night. Much like the Bulls who have had to undergo most of the season without key members of the roster, the Blazers have done the same. And, again, like the Bulls, they are impressing people. Even after giving Wes Matthews the most undeserved contract in the history of professional sports this offseason (5 years, $34 mill for 16 PPG and 3 RPG), they are still holding on to playoff life. Last night, LaMarcus Aldridge solidified himself as one of the better 4's in the league in my opinion. Obviously, it didn't help that Boozer can't defend his own shadow and Taj Gibson is undersized for his position. Regardless, Aldridge was downright impressive. In watching him last night, I came to realize a few things that would make any Bulls fan cringe. First, the Bulls originally drafted Aldridge (#2 overall in '06) but then traded him to the Blazers for their picks, which in turn became Tyrus "The Human Goaltending Violation" Thomas and Viktor Khryapa, who is either the Latvian president or a power-forward who is no longer in the league. Good trade, right? Next, I came to the conclusion that Aldridge and Durant were one year apart at Texas. Imagine those two athletic freaks sharing the floor together in Austin... my god.

Overall though, I don't think last night's loss was a bad loss for the Bullies, at least not as bad as losing to the Warriors in Oakland was the game before. Rose provided the highlight of the week with his 'shoulder-blade-tap' throwdown in the 4th, and Luol had some bright moments as well. Portland is a formidable squad. But with that being said, it would have been nice to come out on top of Joel Przybilla (The Vanilla Gorilla) and the rest of the Blazers with Utah and New Orleans coming up on the schedule. The wild, wild west is a dog eat dog world.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man experienced a fairly successful Super Bowl besides the fact that he bet on his arch nemesis, Jordy Nelson, to not cover his quota and he almost ended up leaving Dallas with the MVP trophy. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes Northern Iowa in a pick em' game over Evansville in Indiana.

Pick of the Day: Northern Iowa @ Evansville (pick em)- NORTHERN IOWA

Record:(52-37-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Betting Crocker

The Super Bowl is obviously a special occasion. People who hardly know each other get together to watch a football game and massage their hands in the same cheese popcorn bowl. But, the Super Bowl is also one of the most popular gambling events of the year. And, if Pulse Man didn't already feel like Matt McConaughey's character in Two For the Money, the Super Bowl can do that to a man. But, if the Pulse Man somehow finds himself a loser in all eleven of his bets, he might find himself feeling like McConaughey in EDtv. Without any further deliberation, here are his picks.

Jordy Nelson-42 1/2 yards- UNDER
I will continue to take the UNDER on any grown man named Jordy. Someone eventually has to tell this clown to grow up.

Jared Sullinger (Ohio State) more points than Andrew Quarless receiving yards.
Sullnger will put up at least 20 and Andrew Quarless will be lucky to haul in 1 catch for 8 yards. Money in the bank, shorty what you drank?

AJ Hawk-6 1/2 tackles and assists-UNDER
This guy is just an overrated tool with a poor man's version of Clay Matthew's haircut. I already got sick of him once when Ohio St. played Notre Dame in the Fiesta Bowl a few years back and they kept showing that whore (Hawk's sister) who was dating Brady Quinn.

Steelers Win
I made this bet before the last game and I am sticking with it.

FOX announcers will say that Troy Polamalu has better hair than Clay Matthews
Although nobody cares, this topic has been at the forefront of debate all week. Bottom line is, Polamalu has a multi-million dollar shampoo deal and all Clay Matthews reps is that Duchenne commercial.

MVP of the Super Bowl will thank their teammates first
I'm getting 2 1/2 to 1 odds on this so it seems like easy money. Hopefully the person that wins doesn't believe in god.

Rajon Rondo will have more steals than Emmanuel Sanders has recpetions
No one knew who Emmanuel Sanders was before the playoffs began and he hasn't exactly been lighting it on fire since. Rondo is good for at least 2 steals.

Jerry Jones will be shown 3 times in this game-UNDER
I always bet the UNDER on appearances ever since that Brenda Warner and her dyke cut got me a cover in '08.

First penalty-Steelers
Pittsburgh's center is injured and Clay Matthews blitzes every play. Should be a lock.

First review- OVERTURNED
These teams don't have timeouts to waste, so they'll wait until the refs really butcher a call.

And a few side bets from "The Original Renegade" himself, Uncle P Dog

Christina Aguilera will hold the word 'brave' for 6 seconds
She'll over exaggerate every word.

How many times will they mention Brett Favre's name-2 1/2-UNDER
The Brena Warner theory is in tact.

Will there be a Lambeau leap after a touchdown?
Uncle P Dog feels that if Rodgers doesn't score to show the belt, this is the next best alternative.

Aguilera's national anthem will run longer than 1 minute, 52 seconds
We have done a lot of research on this one and she seems to consistently hover around this number. But, with it being the Super Bowl and all, she will want some face time considering the last time anyone saw her face was in the "Dirty" music video.


Just check the Pulse.

The Pulse Man

Saying Cheese

With a game that has so much hype and deliberation leading up to it, I try to distance myself from the endless interviews and tiresome coverage that Trey Wingo and his NFL Live counterparts present on the biggest event in sports for nearly two weeks. Still, it always happens; like clockwork. Here I am, sitting with my eyes transfixed on Schlereth's meticulously gelled hair in HD, finding reasons why not to root for either team. Like most games of great magnitude, this Super Bowl features two teams that I have no inclination to root for, or hastily wish the worst upon. My rule of thumb has always been that any place or event with the adjective "super" attached to the front of it, is generally awful, with the exception of course being everyone's favorite guido, Super Mario. But otherwise, Super Cuts? Super 8? The list goes on.

Now I know a lot of you people will be vehemently cheering against the Packers so that your neighbors to the north can't 'shake up the happiness' in America's Dairyland. That's fine, that's your prerogative I suppose. I just don't see it as the most logical approach. You're going to root for a completely random, dreadfully uninteresting AFC opponent instead of a division rival that you split the regular season series with? Plus, whether you want to believe it or not, the Packers have likable players. There is something to be said about a quarterback who makes Joe Buck reference the WWE every time he gets in the paint. Come on, that's a genius celebration. Who doesn't want more 'Hacksaw' Jim Duggan plugs during live broadcasts? Furthermore, BJ Raji was asked this week by a reporter if he saw himself as "an inspiration to fat people everywhere." Raji and Jared Fogle are double-teaming morbid obesity. That means they are trying to curb your eyes from seeing 430 lb. naked bodies in the Y locker room and human orcas from taking up two airplane seats on your yearly vacation flight, what's not to love? 'I Used to be Fat' and Heavyweights re-runs can't do it all, Raji needs a platform.

I was completely comfortable with my allegiance on the side of the Green Bay. Say what you want about Packer fans. I know they can be obnoxious and I understand that they can be impossible to reason with after 4 beers, but I'll be damned if I ever questioned the passion of a Packer fan. For the most part, they're knowledgable about their squad. Partly because these people live their lives through the team that their state puts forth on Sunday and partly because the Brewers still have Dave Bush in their starting rotation. You can't say that Packer fans don't embody Midwestern values to the core. Passion, loyalty, blue-collar success. This game represents Midwest vs. Northeast, Dairy vs. Steel, Laura Ingalls Wilder vs. Andrew Carnegie. I sided with the green and gold because their fans deserve another one, after all, they own the team...literally. And, because the last time they won the Lombardi trophy, Paul Hittman was an unsullied pre-teen poppin 3-D Doritos in his family's basement.

Then came Lil Wayne and this repugnant remix rant he calls "Green and Yellow". For some odd reason, Packer fans have embraced this illiterate anthem with open arms like it was LeRoy Butler springing for a Lambeau leap. In all honesty, I couldn't have been more disappointed. First in Weezy, for abandoning his hometown Saints to plug the pride and joy of a state that he has probably never traveled to, or at least ever remembered traveling to. But most of all, I am disappointed in Packers fans. It would have been one thing to rejoice if Chris Cagle concocted a cheesehead anthem for Packer fans to bask in, or even Adam Lambert. At least the style of music that these people represent could realistically coincide with the values of Wisconsin. Instead, Wayne has caused posers from Platteville to Park Falls to echo his sentiments as their facebook statuses. I never minded seeing a Packer fan dressed from head to toe in blaze orange or Realtree camo, at least they knew their own identity. Come on man. Think about how Favre would look in a flat bill, or Bart Starr with a box-top, is that really what 'green and yellow' represents?

In the end though, I'm still pulling for the Pack. In my book, you pull for the team who knocked you off your peg. You root for your division and your conference, even if that means your rival. 27-24 Pack.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man will be posting an entry later on today with all of his Super Bowl prop bets. I advise you to fade him with caution because I know that last year he lost money based on the fact that Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian were not engaged by February 1st following a Saints win. Seriously, the Super Bowl brings out the worst in people.

Record:(52-37-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

At Long Lastings

If the Pittsburgh Pirates can do one thing well in professional baseball, it is produce speedy, African-American outfielders for the benefit of other teams. They're honestly second to none at performing this task. In the last 3 years alone, three of the fastest players in Major League Baseball (Nyjer Morgan, Lastings Milledge and Andrew McCutchen) have all roamed the greenery at PNC Park. Since then, Nyjer is now a National and our very own Chicago White Sox have recently acquired Lastings Milledge off of waivers and have signed him to a minor league contract. It's only a matter of time before McCutchen hits an inside-the-parker and keeps running until he is out of the city limits of Pittsburgh and finds himself on the roster of a relevant contender. But Lastings Milledge, what a name. He sounds like a confederate general from the Civil War and yet, he's a fleet-footed left fielder who had his own cheering section in Pittsburgh that affectionately referred to themselves as "The Milledge People". If that same section doesn't reincarnate itself beyond the the home bullpen at the Cell I am going to be extremely disappointed.

With the signing of Milledge, Ozzie seems to be putting an emphasis on having speed at the top of their lineup consistently. By having Juan Pierre, Lastings Milledge and Adam "Donkey" Dunn on the same club, the 2011 Sox have turned their roster into an exact replica of a fantasy draft that I routinely would put together in MLB2K9. Even though Lastings had his problems in both NY and Pittsburgh, I am still going to advocate this signing. Who cares if Billy Wagner once put a sign on his locker telling him to grow up? What kind of sign of maturity is putting a sign on somebody's locker anyways? And then there was the whole overblown incident about Milledge being featured on his childhood friend, Immanuel Dent II's rap joint entitled, "Bend Ya Knees". Apparently the upper management in Pittsburgh wasn't thrilled about the message being relayed on the track, which seemingly revolved around stripping a single woman down to nothing but her WWJD bracelet. What did you think he was doing on his off-time? He's a 25 year old, dreadlocked outfielder who wears #85 and uses Young Jeezy's "Let's Get It" as his walk-up music. You thought he was watching tape on opposing pitchers and running down his season splits? Get real.

I like this move for the Sox for a few reasons. Originally, coming out of high school in Florida, Milledge was projected to be a top 3 pick in the amateur draft before character concerns began to surface after he was expelled from school for allegedly getting down with a minor. Still, he was picked 12th and sprung up to the majors quicker than Jason Biggs with Shannon Elizabeth in his bedroom. Then, after one playoff run with the Metropolitans, Lastings was summoned to Pittsburgh to platoon in the outfield with the Buckos and consequently found himself sharing time in the 3 hole in the Pirates batting order--not exactly his natural spot. Plus, he's still young and he has shown over the course of his career that he is capable of changing a game with his speed. Ozzie's no nonsense approach in the clubhouse will be good for this young "renegade" (shout out Uncle P Dog) in order to keep his off-field antics in check. I think he means well. For example, he voluntarily gave up #44 to Adam Dunn while they were in DC, that's got to be good karma right? If nothing else, he'll steal some bases, leg out some infield hits and we'll get all the 'miles' we can out of 'Milledge'. We'll just see how long he 'lasts'. Ok, I'm done.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man likes the Michigan Wolverines, who have been playing better as of late, in Value City Arena against the #1 team in the land. The oddsmakers are giving them a goliath 16 point cushion, so I'll take the maize and blue and all of those points. Not to mention, two of my favorite Big 10 players and two Chicago Sports Noise supporters, Highland Park's Josh Bartelstein and Lake Forest's Matt Vogrich, suit up for Beilein's bunch. Hail to the victors!

Pick of the Day: Michigan (+16) @ Ohio St.- MICHIGAN

Record:(51-37-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

The Lost Boy

After being held captive at home for 36 straight hours, I truly feel like a P.O.W. (Prisoner of Weather) Over the course of these last two days, I have subjected myself to some of the most bizarre behavior I could have ever imagined. For instance, I not only watched, but ORDERED "Going the Distance" with Justin Long and Drew Barrymore. After viewing it, and as much as it pains me to say, enjoying it, I told the Pulse Man that the only downfall of the movie was the casting of Drew Barrymore (she was as bad and as unattractive as ever. Plus, she was playing a role at least 8 years her Junior). Intelligently, the Pulse Man replied, "Yea, but it was realistic at least. No one else is dumb enough to fall for Justin Long." The following day provided no more enthusiasm or zest for life from yours truly as I once again found myself watching "A Walk to Remember", a romantic comedy starring Shane West that was made 9 years ago! Now, we all know that I only partook in watching "A Walk.." because of my deep affinity for Mandy Moore and her rousing portrayal of a shy, wholesome SLD (sexy, little demon-shout out El Don). But, her character's ability to see past the flawed, rugged exterior of Landon (Shane West), and see the good in him has inspired me to look at the 2010-2011 season of Luol Deng from an entirely different perspective. I suppose that I'm scratching the bottom of the barrel here, but it was all I could come up with. I should probably lock myself in my bedroom and listen to the "Silver Side Up" album cover to cover only to remind me that things can in fact, become worse.

Think about Luol though, does anyone else receive less of a fair shake than him? Ok, maybe Cutler. But we have burdened Luol with expectations entirely out of his capacity since the Bulls acquired him through the draft as a 19 year old. Every time Deng has a good game, we throw it in our "use him as trade bait" vault like holding onto him is going to cause the entire roster to come down with Trachoma (disease of the Sudan. Don't look it up). Does anyone else see LD as a piece of the Bulls' puzzle that has only fit together for a handful of games so far in this season's first half? In the past, maybe we have set the bar too high for Deng. He was a young-20's kid on a team with less talent than Season 8 of American Idol (the one where Kris Allen won. I know, who?). But now with a bonafide superstar at the point guard position and another All-Star manning the low-block, perhaps this is the best possible situation for Luol Deng to emerge into his potential. How many other 3rd scoring options in the NBA have put up 40 this season? Luol has.

If you think that I'm trying to rationalize his contract with you, I'm not. It's a ludicrous deal. Luol Deng has more money than Davey Crockett, but is that his fault? The Bulls' front office personnel are the feeble-minded morons that gave it to him. Yet when you watch the Bulls in mixed company and Deng misses an open 18-footer, you hear endless insensitive "I wish Leo would have mowed him down in Blood Diamond" jokes that really aren't warranted. This happens every time. Listen for it. People hate Luol Deng. Yet Deng and Bogans are the only two Bulls who have started every game for the division leaders so far this year. Rose might just get the MVP this season and Boozer will probably be an All-Star. Hell, Noah might be the NBA's Defensive POY 4 times before his tenure in Chicago is over, but can you really put a price on a reliable 3rd option? Sure you can, $11,355,850 for 2010-2011. Not a penny more, not a penny less.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man likes Blake Hoffarber and the rest of the Golden Gophers to clip Indiana in Assembly Hall by more than 3.5 tonight. It's Groundhog Day, why not pull for the rodents?

Pick of the Day: Minnesota (-3.5) @ Indiana- MINNESOTA

Record:(51-36-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost