Betting Crocker

The Super Bowl is obviously a special occasion. People who hardly know each other get together to watch a football game and massage their hands in the same cheese popcorn bowl. But, the Super Bowl is also one of the most popular gambling events of the year. And, if Pulse Man didn't already feel like Matt McConaughey's character in Two For the Money, the Super Bowl can do that to a man. But, if the Pulse Man somehow finds himself a loser in all eleven of his bets, he might find himself feeling like McConaughey in EDtv. Without any further deliberation, here are his picks.

Jordy Nelson-42 1/2 yards- UNDER
I will continue to take the UNDER on any grown man named Jordy. Someone eventually has to tell this clown to grow up.

Jared Sullinger (Ohio State) more points than Andrew Quarless receiving yards.
Sullnger will put up at least 20 and Andrew Quarless will be lucky to haul in 1 catch for 8 yards. Money in the bank, shorty what you drank?

AJ Hawk-6 1/2 tackles and assists-UNDER
This guy is just an overrated tool with a poor man's version of Clay Matthew's haircut. I already got sick of him once when Ohio St. played Notre Dame in the Fiesta Bowl a few years back and they kept showing that whore (Hawk's sister) who was dating Brady Quinn.

Steelers Win
I made this bet before the last game and I am sticking with it.

FOX announcers will say that Troy Polamalu has better hair than Clay Matthews
Although nobody cares, this topic has been at the forefront of debate all week. Bottom line is, Polamalu has a multi-million dollar shampoo deal and all Clay Matthews reps is that Duchenne commercial.

MVP of the Super Bowl will thank their teammates first
I'm getting 2 1/2 to 1 odds on this so it seems like easy money. Hopefully the person that wins doesn't believe in god.

Rajon Rondo will have more steals than Emmanuel Sanders has recpetions
No one knew who Emmanuel Sanders was before the playoffs began and he hasn't exactly been lighting it on fire since. Rondo is good for at least 2 steals.

Jerry Jones will be shown 3 times in this game-UNDER
I always bet the UNDER on appearances ever since that Brenda Warner and her dyke cut got me a cover in '08.

First penalty-Steelers
Pittsburgh's center is injured and Clay Matthews blitzes every play. Should be a lock.

First review- OVERTURNED
These teams don't have timeouts to waste, so they'll wait until the refs really butcher a call.

And a few side bets from "The Original Renegade" himself, Uncle P Dog

Christina Aguilera will hold the word 'brave' for 6 seconds
She'll over exaggerate every word.

How many times will they mention Brett Favre's name-2 1/2-UNDER
The Brena Warner theory is in tact.

Will there be a Lambeau leap after a touchdown?
Uncle P Dog feels that if Rodgers doesn't score to show the belt, this is the next best alternative.

Aguilera's national anthem will run longer than 1 minute, 52 seconds
We have done a lot of research on this one and she seems to consistently hover around this number. But, with it being the Super Bowl and all, she will want some face time considering the last time anyone saw her face was in the "Dirty" music video.


Just check the Pulse.

The Pulse Man