On the Heir

Replacing a legend is no easy task. Just ask Chris "Izzy" Cole, Mark Wahlberg's character in Rock Star, who failed to live up to the hype Bobby Beers set forth as the front man of Steel Dragon. If that comparison doesn't do much for you, how about Tony Batista? Never heard of him? That's probably because he hasn't done a damn thing since taking over for Cal Ripken at third base in Baltimore in 2001. Quite frankly, neither have the Orioles. It's usually the same story: the Dolphins after Marino, the Celtics after Bird (the Dana Barros era), the Bills after...well, the 90's, etc. Granted, all of these instances are cases of on-field heroes; people who were directly involved with the outcome of the game. Even so, replacing a voice that transpires the game for a collection of people can be a task equally as daunting. A voice that people have familiarized a team with, a voice that has encapsulated a history of torment so deep, so ingrained in people's cultures that it has shaped their summers for a century.

This is exactly the predicament that Keith Moreland walks into. If you're my age, chances are the only time you've heard Moreland's name mentioned, if ever, was when he was immortalized in Steve Goodman's "A Dying Cub Fan's Last Request" with the inciting line, "have Keith Moreland drop a routine fly." We grew up with Ron coming through the speakers of our car stereos. Even during the last years when Santo was really sick, he showed up to the ballpark most of the time. In his own right, Ron Santo was like Kurt Cobain during his final years of life in the mid 90's--he was sick, literally killing himself by showing up to perform, but you could never question the passion involved in his final product. Deservingly enough, they both had loyal followings that were heartsick to see them go.

Enter 'Zonk', the 56 year old Texan corner outfielder who helped the Cubs garner the 1984 NL East crown. The bad news, of course, is the aforementioned notion that he is replacing the irreplaceable. The good news is that he's sharing a booth with one of the best in sports. Honestly, Pat Hughes is as smooth as The Situation in the 'smush room' or the vocals on Norah Jones' first LP, whichever you prefer. It would be hard for Rosie Perez to screw up a Pat Hughes broadcast, so Moreland just needs to sit back, do his thing, and add some of the rhyme to the recipe that made Santo so beloved by generations of Cub fans--the color.

So when Pat asks Keith to "tell us about Paul Maholm, Zonk" on opening day, I wouldn't be disappointed or shocked to hear the following:

"To tell you the truth, Pat, I haven't seen much of Maholm during my drop-in substitutions for Bob Brenly while he was vacationing in Boca Raton last year. So, all I really know is what I have here on this sheet in front of me that was just made by a 24 year old intern named Tony from Melrose Park less than 12 minutes ago. Considering he's a Pirate and would rather be laying carpet (literally, not figuratively. Pervert), I would venture to say that Maholm throws an array of absolutely average pitches that the Cubs $100 million lineup should tee off on. Then again, it's opening day and look where we are...Wrigley Field in April, Pat. Anything is plausible."

Good luck to you, Keith. Godspeed. And may the summer winds of Wrigleyville be always at your back.

As for Pick of the Day, the Hawkeyes came through at Welsh-Ryan for the Pulse Man as he extended his winning streak to 3. For the weekend, since the NBA All-Star break is among us, the Pulse Man shifts gears to Ivy League basketball and likes Chris Wroblewski's Cornell squad to cover the 4.5 cushion they're getting at home against Harvard.

Pick of the Day: Harvard @ Cornell (+4.5)- CORNELL

Record:(56-39-0)

Also, I'd like to send a special plug to a friend of mine who is playing basketball professionally across the pond, Mr. Zach Kelly. As a former member of the Glenbrook North Spartans state champion squad in '05 and subsequently the team that knocked off the highly touted Lake Zurich Bears in 2006, I was reluctant to give Zach his fair share of recognition. But with Spring in the air, Chicago Sports Noise has decided to let its guard down and give Zach the notoriety he deserves. Check out Zach's blog (www.puttingtheproinsemipro.blogspot.com) for incriminating photos of fellow GBN alumnus, Sean Wallis. Also, for some more high comedy, check out ZK's team website (http://www.bradforddragons.co.uk/index.html) and don't forget to make a trip to the infamous "Dragon Store". I made a few purchases that I'll probably regret.

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Broadcaster Disaster

Last year when the White Sox organization moved Darrin Jackson (or DJ Clue-less) over to 670 The Score to do the radio analysis and put Steve Stone back on TV, I thought to myself, "Great, now the White Sox are only one broadcaster removal away from me being able to watch the game without muting the television and blasting The Strokes, Room on Fire CD in my parents' basement." That one man left to remove is of course, the inept flounder of a broadcaster-- Ken "Hawk" Harrelson. I know some White Sox fans may claim to adore listening to Hawk in a 'senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose' kind of way, they really are just covering up their annoyance toward him any way they can. In reality, there is no way fans can possibly enjoy his incoherent musings on his .239 career batting average, 8 second silence spells, or constantly uttering unintelligible tag lines like "this ballgame is....OVAH!!!" 150 some-odd times per season. The only job Hawk Harrelson should have ever received in baseball was the role of the discordant broadcaster on Bull Durham who was vocally equipped with the same southern drawl as Harrelson. He should have taken the fame achieved from inventing the batting glove in the early 1960's (true story) and the dangling loose skin hanging from his chin and went back to South Carolina with all the other bumbling once-upon-a-time-major-leaguers.

Now I don't dislike hawk because he is a homer, or care that he blatantly shows his allegiance towards the White Sox on the air, he is simply a BAD broadcaster. If you don't watch the White Sox regularly, you have no clue as to what he could be talking about on a given play. With his assortment of southern pet-names for baseball plays he learned in some tobacco field, some listeners don't know whether he's talking about professional baseball or the woman's suffrage movement in South Carolina. In a good play-by-play analyst, you need to have someone with an affectionate baseball voice (think: Costas, Buck, Scully) rather than having some 65 year old man screaming "HE GONE" after every strikeout like he just left the set of a Lil John music video.

Don't get my point wrong in this blog and think that I dislike him because he is a southern, old man who has put down more Johnnie Walker Black Label in his life than Waylon Jennings, because that is not the case. I have no problem with teams letting their long-time broadcasters virtually dying in the television/radio booth. If they're good broadcasters, you can cremate them in the booth for all I care because they have dedicated their entire life to that particular baseball franchise. But in Hawk's case, he needs put the mic down and retire. Especially now that the White Sox have put themselves in a competitive division race and Cub nation is drifting faster and faster into complete indifference towards NL baseball every single day, the White Sox might get more viewership than they have had the last couple of years. However, for the White Sox to keep that viewership and have people enjoy their exciting and fundamentally sound ball club, Hawk needs to "strap it on and hunker down" at a tolerable and comprehensible level. That's all I ask--"THIS BLOG IS OVAHH!!!!" and no, Hawk nobody is "bleeping you", that's just the way people feel. If you don't believe me, visit www.heavethehawk.com

As for pick of the day, when Pulse Man promoted the Reds/Cards as his pick of the day, he didn't realize he was predicting a bench-clearing brawl with his baseball betting tarot cards. And since he's under the .500 mark at 8-9 after last night's loss, he has less self-confidence than a teenage mom on the Tyra show. Either way,since he is going to be in attendance for the White Sox/Twins game tomorrow, he seems quite certain that his mesh,White Sox visor can lead the Sox to victory at the Cell. So, he's taking the White Sox on the money line tomorrow at (-110). Look for him on TV either streaking through right field like he did at the powder puff game in high school, or attempting to start the wave passionately in upper deck section 332.

Pick of the Day: Twins @ White Sox. WHITE SOX- moneyline (-110)

Record:(8-9-0)