Saying Cheese

With a game that has so much hype and deliberation leading up to it, I try to distance myself from the endless interviews and tiresome coverage that Trey Wingo and his NFL Live counterparts present on the biggest event in sports for nearly two weeks. Still, it always happens; like clockwork. Here I am, sitting with my eyes transfixed on Schlereth's meticulously gelled hair in HD, finding reasons why not to root for either team. Like most games of great magnitude, this Super Bowl features two teams that I have no inclination to root for, or hastily wish the worst upon. My rule of thumb has always been that any place or event with the adjective "super" attached to the front of it, is generally awful, with the exception of course being everyone's favorite guido, Super Mario. But otherwise, Super Cuts? Super 8? The list goes on.

Now I know a lot of you people will be vehemently cheering against the Packers so that your neighbors to the north can't 'shake up the happiness' in America's Dairyland. That's fine, that's your prerogative I suppose. I just don't see it as the most logical approach. You're going to root for a completely random, dreadfully uninteresting AFC opponent instead of a division rival that you split the regular season series with? Plus, whether you want to believe it or not, the Packers have likable players. There is something to be said about a quarterback who makes Joe Buck reference the WWE every time he gets in the paint. Come on, that's a genius celebration. Who doesn't want more 'Hacksaw' Jim Duggan plugs during live broadcasts? Furthermore, BJ Raji was asked this week by a reporter if he saw himself as "an inspiration to fat people everywhere." Raji and Jared Fogle are double-teaming morbid obesity. That means they are trying to curb your eyes from seeing 430 lb. naked bodies in the Y locker room and human orcas from taking up two airplane seats on your yearly vacation flight, what's not to love? 'I Used to be Fat' and Heavyweights re-runs can't do it all, Raji needs a platform.

I was completely comfortable with my allegiance on the side of the Green Bay. Say what you want about Packer fans. I know they can be obnoxious and I understand that they can be impossible to reason with after 4 beers, but I'll be damned if I ever questioned the passion of a Packer fan. For the most part, they're knowledgable about their squad. Partly because these people live their lives through the team that their state puts forth on Sunday and partly because the Brewers still have Dave Bush in their starting rotation. You can't say that Packer fans don't embody Midwestern values to the core. Passion, loyalty, blue-collar success. This game represents Midwest vs. Northeast, Dairy vs. Steel, Laura Ingalls Wilder vs. Andrew Carnegie. I sided with the green and gold because their fans deserve another one, after all, they own the team...literally. And, because the last time they won the Lombardi trophy, Paul Hittman was an unsullied pre-teen poppin 3-D Doritos in his family's basement.

Then came Lil Wayne and this repugnant remix rant he calls "Green and Yellow". For some odd reason, Packer fans have embraced this illiterate anthem with open arms like it was LeRoy Butler springing for a Lambeau leap. In all honesty, I couldn't have been more disappointed. First in Weezy, for abandoning his hometown Saints to plug the pride and joy of a state that he has probably never traveled to, or at least ever remembered traveling to. But most of all, I am disappointed in Packers fans. It would have been one thing to rejoice if Chris Cagle concocted a cheesehead anthem for Packer fans to bask in, or even Adam Lambert. At least the style of music that these people represent could realistically coincide with the values of Wisconsin. Instead, Wayne has caused posers from Platteville to Park Falls to echo his sentiments as their facebook statuses. I never minded seeing a Packer fan dressed from head to toe in blaze orange or Realtree camo, at least they knew their own identity. Come on man. Think about how Favre would look in a flat bill, or Bart Starr with a box-top, is that really what 'green and yellow' represents?

In the end though, I'm still pulling for the Pack. In my book, you pull for the team who knocked you off your peg. You root for your division and your conference, even if that means your rival. 27-24 Pack.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man will be posting an entry later on today with all of his Super Bowl prop bets. I advise you to fade him with caution because I know that last year he lost money based on the fact that Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian were not engaged by February 1st following a Saints win. Seriously, the Super Bowl brings out the worst in people.

Record:(52-37-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

McMahon's McMemory

Jim McMahon accomplished nearly everything his talent level alloted him to during his football career. His life and career began in Jersey City, New Jersey where he was somehow passed up for the lead role of Frankie Valli in the Broadway hit, Jersey Boys, urging him to chase down his football dream. Then, paradoxically, Jim took his talents to Provo, Utah to star first at punter, then later excelling at quarterback for the BYU Cougars, cementing his legacy as one of the best QB's in Cougar history (besides Steve Young, who may or may not be related to the actual Brigham Young, thus giving him an unfair advantage with the Mormons). In the NFL, he won two Super Bowls in the same building (the Superdome, coincidentally), with 2 rival teams (Packers '96 and Bears '85), against the same team (Patriots)--now that is just downright bizarre. He was also named to one Pro Bowl, showed up to his first NFL press conference with a beer in hand, starred in a rap video, pioneered the ridiculous 'QB's wearing gloves' movement, and was arrested for a DUI, all in one career. I think McMahon did everything under the sun in his near 15 years in the league except become a ploy in McDonalds' marketing campaign for the McRib (he was sidelined with bruised ribs in '84), which should have been a no brainer (no pun intended). What a career. Too bad Jim can't seem to remember any of it.

McMahon has recently made public that he has encountered severe memory loss stemming from the blows to the head he withstood during his 6 team, 14 year tour of the NFL as a starting quarterback. Now first and foremost, I am by no means belittling the NFLPA's passion-driven movement to gain increased benefits for players once they retire, and I'm definitely not downgrading the severity of head trauma that concussions can create later in life. But, I am in fact roasting McMahon's neoteric "cry for me" campaign like it's Comedy Central and I'm Lisa Lampanelli.

Perhaps the most thought-provoking comment that McMahon has made recently was his proclamation that he often times, "walks into a room and forgets why [he] walked in there." Really Jim? How many Labbat Blue's did you have before you walked into the room? Ever since the "punky Qb known as McMahon" left BYU, he has been trying to relive all of the microbrews, frat parties, and flapper girl moments he missed out on during his years in Provo. I'm not sure if Jim is completely aware, but much like a medical rap sheet of concussions, binge drinking may also have played its part in McMahon's recent forgetfullness 10 years removed from the NFL huddle. There is something to be said in this situation for the NFL lifestyle (see: Pacman Jones making it rain in the 'scrip club' as evidence), and with Jim's press-conference barley pops and DUI conviction on record, it's kind of hard to look away. It almost draws more attention to himself than those silly headbands did in his playing days. Perhaps they may have been wound a bit too tight.

On the other hand, McMahon's playing style as a QB only compounds the problem. Da Bears fans cheered as he dove head-first like Pete Rose for first downs and abandoned the conventional quarterback etiquette of the 'feminine slide.' Football is a gruesome game filled with visions, decisions and collisions with 300 pound monsters in which only a thin sheet of polycarbonate protects them from your dome. As a former NFL QB and now a spokesman for a male enhancement product I have two words for you Jim McMahon...protect yourself.

As for Pick of the Day, another day, another cover for the Pulse Man as the T-Wolves covered behind two of the most underachieving # 2 picks of all-time in Darko Milicic and Michael "B-easy" Beasley. For Tuesday, the Pulse Man is going to shift his gears to the NCAA basketball frontier as he likes Steve Lavin and the St. Johns Red Storm to cover the 3.5 points they're getting at Saint Mary's (CA).

Pick of the Day: St. Johns (+3.5) @ Saint Mary's (CA)- ST.JOHNS (-105)

Record:(31-23-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost