First off, if you think this post is going to be about a bunch of Chi Omega's opting for a "chill-girls night" instead of overspending on a bunch of swank plaid shirts, cut-off jean shorts and a night of drunken debauchery at a college barn-dance, you are dead wrong. This blog is addressing how the Jazz are taking over Chicago like those stupid, decorated Cows 8 years back.
Either Bulls management should mortgage their homes, buy saxophones, make a "Too Ugly for Prostitution" sign and sit indian-style on Wacker Drive with the rest of the homeless and play jazz, or just go ahead and buy the rest of the players on the actual Utah Jazz. Seriously, this summer we have now signed 3 different free agents who played in Utah last year. I mean, at the very least, if you're going to sign Jazz players, the logical choices would be Andrei Kirilenko (Great hair cut, decent 4, Eurotrash extraordinaire) and Mehmet Okur (simply just Eurotrash extraordinaire). Instead we missed the cut on JJ Redick and have recently picked up Ronnie Brewer, who definitely should have been signed by Milwaukee (think about it, amirite?). Although I am not criticizing the Bulls for their off-season free agent approach. Boozer is a great fit at the price we're paying him, and the Korver signing solves our Anthony Mason-esque 3 point shooting woes from last year. However, signing 3 free agents who are formerly from the same team sounds like risky business (insert Tom Cruise scientology joke here, watch this and you'll never watch a Tom Cruise movie again).
Instead, in my opinion John Paxson should be throwing himself at Matt Barnes like a Real World cast member on their first night out. Matt Barnes is a gritty, blue-collar, raving lunatic that would fit perfectly into the Bulls mix. If you ever watch Matt Barnes play, you probably hate him. So do I. However, bringing his mohawk, illiterate tattoos and menacing style of play to the Bulls would spell out one thing-- much needed toughness. All good teams have one wild-card guy who keeps people on edge, and motivates the team to play hard stemming from his unquestioned desire to win (did you see Barnes guarding Kobe on Thanksgiving day? Enough said).
Also, to keep these nonsensical morons in check, your team must possess an alpha-dog superstar player that the player respects enough to keep him in line and out of A)whore houses the night before game 2 of the Eastern Conference semis or B) domestic abuse charges from his wife (Those situations are very relatable ironically). If you think about it, this situation has played out a number of times. For instance, Rodman was fine with Isaiah, started laying down and taking naps in front of the scorers table in San Antonio, and was once again functional with MJ. Also in case you forgot, RON ARTEST WAS DRINKING AT HALFTIME WITH THE BULLS, getting in fist fights with fans, and applying for jobs at Circuit City so he could receive employee discounts (true story). Now, he's an NBA Champion under the tutelage of Kobe and saved his "I thank my therapist" deranged rant for once they had already one. I think D Rose is now the superstar that Barnes will protect from hard-fouls and do a little bit of bloodying up the opposition himself. Rose needs a bad-ass behind him if he's gonna go deep into the playoffs (I completely didn't mean that to be homosexual, but I'm not deleting it).
All I'm saying is the Bulls could use a little "no easy buckets" mentality to them and Matt Barnes fits that role like "one of those round pegs" (Forrest Gump quote). He could become the AJ Pierzynski of the Bulls, and I think Sox fans would agree that wouldn't be such a bad thing.
Also, I didn't anticipate the offensive onslaught that was Sox vs. Twins yesterday and lost my bet, evening my record to .500. Tonight, we will go with Josh Shields and the Rays taking down CC and the Yanks on the moneyline. The Bombers aren't the same without the boss in the box (pretty good alliterative line I must say). So, the pick is Rays (+165) on the moneyline in NYC.
Record: (1-1-0)
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