Strong but Ferentz

What a difference a year makes. Last December, Iowa was prepping for Georgia Tech and the BCS, anxiously awaiting to be shipped (no pun intended) to the FedEx Orange Bowl. As an underdog, the Hawkeyes marched into Miami Gardens, outplayed Georgia Tech, and became college football's Midwestern media darling. Ricky Stanzi established himself as the most renowned Iowan since Ann Landers. His famous "Love it or Leave it" proclamation became the official soundbite of a middle-American 4th of July. Rural Iowa rejoiced in complete dental reconstruction, Iowa undergrads immersed themselves in $1.00 U-Call-its--the whole state relished in the gaiety. But with great success comes immense expectations, and the 2010 Hawks were no exception. With a great deal of notable players returning and a schedule catered to Kinnick Stadium, Iowa expected to compete for the Big-10 title. After all, they had arguably the best defense in the country, a 3 headed monster in the backfield, and an unflappable head coach. But, nobody in college football lived the "what goes up, must come down" fall from grace over the past year than this group of men in gold pants.

Today, somewhere in South Dakota, a fan-favorite of the 2009 Orange Bowl Champs, Brandon Wegher, is trying to find the misplaced bottle of a pre-marital newborn instead of the endzone. Strangely enough, reports say that Wegher will be both a Daddy and a Jackrabbit (South Dakota State) next season. For Jewel Hampton, his potential has always intrigued, but his ability has never amounted to much in the Iowa backfield. He has proven to be an explosive runner at times, but is also unfortunately saddled with Shawn Bradley's knees and a hankering for spending too much time at Johnson County watering holes; two things that have kept Jewel out of nearly 2 complete seasons at Iowa. Either way, like Wegher, he is also seeking a transfer. And lastly, after an impressive regular season in 2010, starting running back Adam Robinson has been suspended for the Insight Bowl for "conduct detrimental to the team" (one of my all-time favorite quotes). No one knows yet what Adam did, but I'm sure it wasn't serving too much soup to the Iowa City homeless or skipping practice to read books at local elementary schools. If you're still counting, we're at 3 inactives, 2 transfers, 1 suspension, 1 underage drinking ticket, and 1 child. Remember that 3-headed monster we talked about earlier? Now it looks like the Monstars in Space Jam before they got a hold of Muggsy Bogues and Larry Johnson's skills.

As if the problems at running back weren't enough, Kirk Ferentz has just been enlightened that his school's all-time leading wideout, and senior captain, Derrell Johnson-Koulianos, has been pushing coke on campus like he's a modern-day George Jung. He was arrested last week for running a "drug house" after he was put up for adoption as an orphan because his mother had been an addict. Where does the acorn fall? Use some of your drug money to rent The Blind Side, Derrell! Oh, and good thing you told those cops that "you didn't want any trouble" when they seized your house. You have a plethora of amphetamines, a cocaine buffet, and a magnetic scale--you guys shouldn't have any trouble, don't worry about it. As a result, Johnson-Koulianos ended up in the last place Iowa's staff wanted to see him, the Johnson County Courthouse. He will undoubtedly be suspended for the Insight Bowl, and his draft stock will plummet, but hey, his name will live on in the phonebooks of Iowa undergrads who are in need of some 'booger sugar' for decades. I guess there's something to be said for that.

Even with all these recent allegations against the football team, Iowa struggled to perform to their potential even when the team was at full-strength this season. They got off to a fast start, but the heartbeaking loss to Arizona in the desert to an amp'd up Mike Stoops led them to waver from their path. Their highly-touted defense underperformed and Stanzi was simply asked to do too much throughout the season, resulting in a late-season burnout against Minnesota. Still, there is something to be said for the stoic Kirk Ferentz, and his highly respected Iowa football program through all of this turmoil. In most situations in the NCAA, the head coach would find a feasible explanation as to why DJK was pushing weight in his campus duplex or why A-Rob can't get it done in Intro to Acting 103. But, without much deliberation at all, Kirk kicks these guys to the curb faster than their baby mamas. He has to. With his own sons anchoring the Iowa offensive line, Ferentz has to hold everyone accountable to the same standard in order to keep the balance between corn-fed farmhands and city-quick position players in tact. In the end, Kirk cannot control the sexual exploits of his running backs, or the fact that his star flanker wants to turn his off-campus house into the Colombian drug cartel. But, he can control the way he reprimands them. By dismissing them from the team immediately like he always has keeps integrity close to the program. It might result in a loss in the Insight Bowl, but really, who cares?

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man seems to have conquered another frontier in betting in the NBA, more specifically, betting against the Minnesota Timberwolves. He currently makes more money off the T-Wolves road losses than he does at his actual job (no actual job). For tonight, the Pulse Man likes the Clippers getting 5 points on the road in Philadelphia. I know the Clippers are terrible, but the Sixers aren't exactly the 96 Bulls either. The Pulse Man bets it will be a battle to the end.

Pick of the Day: Clippers (+5) @ 76ers- CLIPPERS

Record:(40-25-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Io-what?

Let me just make this clear right off the bat, Iowa basketball has less hope to be successful this season than Israel and Palestine do in resolving their decade long dispute before sundown. In fact, the only good thing that has happened in Iowa City in terms of the roundball recently is the ruling that has placed Sophomore Brennan Cougill academically ineligible for the upcoming season. Maybe that will give him some time to shed some weight so the Iowa basketball faithful don't think that John Daly invaded their teams PF position again. But things just went from poorly executed to downright strange in the "Fields of Opportunity" this fall as the Hawkeyes have now found themselves amid illegal recruiting allegations coming off a 10-22 season a year ago.

When Iowa basketball decided upon the questionable hiring of former Siena frontman Fran McCaffery, we knew they wouldn't be getting big time recruits, which was also interestingly enough the problem with the last coach, Todd Lickliter, who could only spell Schaumburg grad Cully Payne with a few minutes of shameful play from his own son, Johnny "How many" Lickliter's does it take til you get to the center. But things are getting stranger and stranger as Iowa drifts further away from Big 10 relevance for the next presidential term. Apparently, Iowa booster Ashton Kutcher and his wife, "Striptease" star Demi Moore have been involved in unlicensed meetings with Iowa basketball recruits. At first, this prompted me to laugh that Ashton and Freshman recruit Cody Cox (Yes, this a real Iowa recruit) could be screening "What happens in Vegas" together in Ashton's Iowa City loft. A better question is, what big-time college basketball recruit has any ambition to meet the guy who created Punk'd? Did they promise these kids a starting spot if they could sit the Butterfly Effect in its entirety?

I find it hard to believe that Kirk Ferentz and Iowa football can put together a reputable program in the Big 10, as well as nationally and Iowa basketball is subjected to illegal meetings with the star of the Nikon camera commercials. If you want to illegally recruit to try and land a big name, that's fine, at least you're trying. Buy a prospective Iowa recruit a car, or purchase his parents a Tudor Mansion in Corallville, but don't throw your program under the bus because some kid ratted you out on Twitter.

I thought Iowa missed out with their coaching vacancy when they hired an unrecognizable face when a lot of marquee names were still left on the board. Coaches like Bruce Pearl (who once coached at Iowa), Scott Drew (took Baylor to the Elite 8), Chris Collins (midwestern ties) and Keno Davis (son of former Iowa Head Coach Tom Davis) were all still available when the Hawks splurged on Fran McCaffery and solidified their medocrity for a decade to come. I hope Ferentz can somehow finagle a share of the Big 10 title, because it's going to be a long winter in Iowa this year, and many years to come.

As for Pick of the Day, the pick was posted last night as The Pulse Man plans on the Heat's triumverate (-16) to obliterate the lowly T-Wolves in South Beach tonight. Keep an eye out for Mike Beasley to drop 40 on his former suitor though, I still love that guy.

Pick of the Day: Timberwolves @ Heat (-16)- HEAT (-105)

Record:(27-22-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Big Ten Entertainment

The turn of summer into Fall in the Midwest opens our eyes to a few new, tangible things: a little foliage change in the trees, Lake Zurich pursuing another IHSA state title in football, the start of the Big 10 Conference football schedule, and the premieres of a few new shows on HBO. As much as Big 10 backers love packing into Camp Randall, The Big House, or The Shoe on Saturday afternoons, true solace can be found in their respective living rooms around 8 PM on Sunday nights, anxiously awaiting a few terrific hours of TV (wait, it's not TV...it's HBO). If you're me, by Sunday evening you've polluted your body with enough low-grade OnDemand music videos, Brent Musberger comments, and jump-start cups of Joe that the only task at hand is to "get horizontal", pound at least 3 caffeine free Diet Cokes (commonly referred to as Gold Cans or Diabetic Sodas) and get down with some premium cable. As much as the non-conference Big 10 season has proven to us things about each team, a lot of things still need to shake out before a Big 10 champ is crowned. Much like the beginning of any football season, a lot of questions arise with the beginning of a new television season as well. Therefore, after spending a lot of unnecessary time weighing this unnecessary, useless comparison, I give you some of the Big 10 teams vying for conference supremacy this fall, each represented by a show on HBO (Real Sex and Cathouse excluded, sorry Pulse Man).

Ohio State: The Sopranos- Much like the Buckeyes do with the Big 10, the Sopranos run HBO. They have the head man who instills fear in whomever he is dealing with (Gandolfini/Tressel), a once immature starlet who has blossomed into a full blown smokeshow (Terelle Pryor/Jamie-Lynn Sigler). Not to mention, the Bucks have the muscle to back it up in their street-tough underboss Paulie Walnuts (Ohio State's opportunistic and turnover-causing D) and a trustworthy right-hand man in Silvio Dante (OSU Kicker Devin Barclay-formerly of the Columbus Crew). Fuhgetaboutit!

Iowa: Entourage- Great story, trendy characters, immense potential. Had Iowa beaten Arizona in the desert two weeks back, they might be up there fighting with the Bucks for mob supremacy. Instead, the incompetence of their frontman has led to their most recent struggle. For example, Adrian Grenier has to be one of the worst actors in the moving picture era (simply walking scenery regurgitating Hollywood cliches like "eff it, let's all by motorcyles" with a cake-eating grin on his face like a post-adolescent Zac Effron) and Stanzi, well, he laid an egg @ Arizona and was almost bailed out by the combination of his defense and Marv McNutt. Sad to say, it won't be this year that Ari Gold carries Entourage back into the hunt for an Emmy after a series plagued by the extraneous appearance of a porn star (horrible acting by Sasha Grey..can't link that), an entirely unbelievable drug habit/downward spiral, and Turtle's monotonous attempt to become productive for the third straight season. Similarly, Iowa won't be in the BCS hunt this year after their weaknesses were exposed against U of A. Still, it's hard for the devoted faithful of both Iowa and Entourage to realize that this may not be the season they'd hoped for.

Michigan: Curb Your Enthusiasm -Have one main thing in common--the dynamic front man who can turn 'nothing' into something very special (Denard Robinson/Larry David). Although this will undoubtedly be the only time this dread-locked donning speedster and the spectacle wearing comedian will be mentioned in the same sentence, they share very similar characteristics as they pertain to television series' and Big 10 football alike. As Larry and his quirky nuances go, so goes Curb . And with each fleeting footstep of the untied shoe of Denard Robinson, the Wolverines go another week with a win. Both Michigan and Curb have extensive fan bases that are leaning heavily on the attitude and leadership of their wild-card leader. For Big Blue, let's just hope Denard isn't nearly as volatile as LD.

Wisconsin- Boardwalk Empire - I'll tell you what, the previews for Boardwalk Empire looked great. Part Goodfellas mixed with a little bit of Casino, sounds like a great watch. Then...the kicker--Steve Buscemi. Really Scorcese? You probably had your choice of great actors who auditioned for this part and you chose Buscemi based on what? His great character role as 'Crazy Eyes' in Mr. Deeds? I have a hard time taking Buscemi seriously after the plethora of Happy Madison productions he's been in, and now I'm supposed to believe him whacking off prohibitionists in AC? Not for me. Coincidentally, this is the same way I feel about Tolzien leading Bucky to the promised land. I love Scott Tolzien as much as any Northwestern Suburbanite should. I root for him every week, pray that they never show him with his helmet off so the public can't scrutinize his haircut, and sigh in anguish every time he underthrows a simple out route. As much as I like him though, I can't see him taking the Badgers to the BCS. Martin Scorcese is a helluva director and John Clay is a monster, but overcoming the "Happy Madison, WI" curse (no pun intended) will be no easy task.

Northwestern: Eastbound and Down- Hey, the Wildcats are 4-0, and every Chicagoland doctor, lawyer, pharmacist, or stockbroker you know is now the world's largest purple Wildcat fan. Northwestern has developed a bizarre cult following at ESPN--Greenberg, Wilbon, Rachel Nichols, JA Adande, Kevin Blackistone all went to NU and are desperately trying to plug the Wildcats every second they're on the air. It truly is a weird fraternity. On the other side of the coin, Eastbound and Down acquired more followers last year than Gaga's twitter account, and now every time you find yourself around college-aged kids, you hear some dork not clever enough to come up with his own material unwittingly spew some Kenny Powers punchline. Eastbound and Down and the Wildcats both had a great start, but can you really make a lasting show out of cheap laughs (pretty weak schedule for NU) and a lead actor who once had a cameo role in Drillbit Taylor? I guess we'll have to find out. If Northwestern wins the Big 10 and Eastbound and Down's sophomore season turn out to be golden, the metaphor is still kosher.

Michigan St.: True Blood- Never seen it, sometimes it's on before the shows I watch. Simply just scares me in general. The only people I hear about it from are rubes that think Beta House has too much nudity--get real.

The rest of the Big 10: Hung- Irrelevant and miserable. Enough said.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man continues to be burned at the stake like a support actor from The Crucible. But, the weekend is high stakes (no pun intended again, sorry) and Pulse Man has put the women and children to bed and is out looking for supper (shoutout Chris Ask). His Saturday 6 pack is listed below and his Sunday Teaser will make its way onto this blog as soon as he gets it to me. Cheers to the weekend, go get some.

Saturday 6 Pack

2 Team Parlay
1. Northwestern @ Minnesota- Total Points 53.5-UNDER (-105)
2. Idaho @ Western Michigan (+3)- WMU (-105)
Total:(+273)

3 Team Parlay
1. Texas @ Oklahoma- Oklahoma, moneyline (-165)
2. Notre Dame @ Boston College- ND, moneyline (-140)
3. Florida @ Alabama (-8)- BAMA (-105)
Total:(+438)

Big Ticket Pick of the Day:
Ohio State @ Illinois- Total Points-50.5, UNDER

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Desert Hawks

Although technically Iowa football isn't Chicago Sports, Illinois and Iowa do share a border. And,I figured enough suburban Chicago high school students underachieve on their ACT and look to the Iowa City Ped Mall and ultimately the University of Iowa for solace, happiness, and some passionate college football. If you think that I am debasing the undergraduate enrollment at Iowa in any way, you're wrong. I didn't get in. But hell, I visited enough times in college and attended more classes (1, college level Math course. If you don't believe me, email jack.groot@coyotelogistics.com) than Pierre Pierce, so I consider myself an alumnus. With the lofty expectations for the football team still high after beating Eastern Illinois (didn't cover, Spoo's a genius) and then subsequently embarrassing Iowa State in Kinnick like they were playing Liotta, Costner, and James Earl Jones (Amy Madigan-ISU cheerleader) in a backyard football game at the Kinsiella farm in Dyersville. Still, in order to keep their BCS hopes alive, Iowa must ditch the sweet corn and stuffing pre-game meals and travel down to the desert to face Arizona. Where the weather and salsa are hot, but often times the 3rd year psychology students are hotter--sounds like trouble for Ricky Stanzi.

On paper, Iowa no doubt looks like chalk in this match up. The Hawks boast maybe the most otherworldly front 4 in college football in Binns, Ballard, Clayborn and Klug. Iowa's defense has put pressure on the quarterback without blitzing, which will be a complete shift in gears for Arizona pretty-boy QB Nick Foles, who has faced only the illustrious defenses of the Citadel, and the Toledo Rockets (seriously thinking about whether the Houston Rockets could formulate a better football team, Yao's a big target at TE, Aaron Brooks a shifty back, Battier a tough, heady QB...nevermind). I'm thinking when Foles sees Adrian Clayborn in his personal space, one of those 'shifting too many gears at once so the chain falls off and now you're pedaling rapidly but going nowhere' type situations occur and his 174.7 QB rating drops at least Eight Below his normal average. Still, Arizona is a well-coached team and coach Mike Stoops comes from a proven family of winners (shout out Matt DeMars), so with Arizona Stadium (where the Cardinals play as well) rockin' loud as soon as all the house drugs kick in for the U of A fans, the Wildcats certainly won't roll over and die. Also, Stanzi and Foles' haircuts are getting worse by the week, something's gotta give.

But if Iowa fans are feeling nervous at all about Saturday night's game in the desert, it is because Ricky Stanzi and the 'Stanziball' are still yet to rear its ugly head this season. If there is any way Iowa could lose to an inferior team on the road, Rick and the 'Stanziball' could be what does Iowa in. If you're not sure what I mean when I'm referring to the 'Stanziball', think about this: Stanzi had a pick 6 in 4 different games last year (Arizona, Michigan, Arkansas St.?!?, and Georgia Tech). The last thing Iowa needs is to be locked in a defensive, field position battle in the first half and have Stanzi come in and drop one of those arid passes into Arizona's secondary and have them run away with the momentum. Now, Stanzi has been near perfect so far this year, except for that hiccup fluke torn ACL he almost suffered in week 1 against that stingy, EIU D. So, with his completions (29-41), yards (433), and TD's (3) piling up, that 'Stanziball' is just lurking in Stanzi's shoulder waiting to come out. Iowa fans know, they don't want to mention it. Because every time Stanzi drops back Saturday night, the theme from JAWS will be playing in the collective minds of Iowa. Now I know Stanzi watches plenty of film between Thursday Night 'smush sessions' with Iowa coeds in the Union Bar bathroom, but I'm telling you, it's coming, maybe not this week, but it's coming.

Still, I think Iowa will rely enough on the dual ground attack of Adam Robinson and the newly reinstated Jewel Hampton enough to keep Stanzi throwing safe routes to his big TE Allen Reisner, and wideouts Marv McNutt and DJK. So overall, I think Iowa wins in this Big-10/Pac-10 showdown in the desert. In fact, on some betting websites Zona is getting a point. But, I'm still thinking black and yellow (pending a Stanziball) with a final score of Iowa-24 Arizona-13. There you have it, go hawks.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man's fall from grace this week has been a harsh reality check with the weekend football spread lying ahead of him. Below he has listed the Saturday 6 pack, complete with his 'big ticket' Pick of the Day for Saturday, as well as the Sunday teaser in which he started (1-0) last week. Let's see how the weekend shapes up in both college and professional football.

Saturday 6 pack:

2 team parlay: Illinois (-7) vs. NIU, Alabama (-24)@ Duke - (+281)

3 team parlay: USC (-12)@ Minnesota, Nebraska (-3) @ Washington, Northwestern (moneyline)@ Rice - (+411)

Big Ticket Pick of the Day: Iowa (+1)@ Arizona (-105)

Sunday Teaser

7 point teaser: Eagles, Colts, Falcons- (+140)

Record: (20-13-0)