Game Film

Well, the Bears are in the playoffs. And, surprisingly enough, they don't even have to play on Wild Card weekend. Lovie and his troops have the luxury of being able to sit back, wait around, watch the games, get healthy, and head into the divisional round with a full roster and a full head of steam. With that luxury, however, comes one problem: the Bears don't know what team is going to limp into Soldier Field the following weekend. It could be the defending Super Bowl Champion New Orleans Saints and that damn Drew Brees jersey commercial. Or the NFL MVP favorite, Michael Vick's Philadelphia Eagles squad. It is also conceivable that the 7-9 Seattle Seahawks could finagle an upset in Washington state to propel them into round 2. You just never know. Each team presents its own set of strengths and weaknesses, thus presenting a different challenge to the NFC North Champs. In comparing each match-up, I found it interesting to compare each team to an actor, who, like each football team, has had both good performances and bad. It's the difference between Phat Girlz and When Harry Met Sally, Nick Cage and Matt Damon, wait for it... Wisconsin and Illinois. It's how we live life people. As Jimmy Fallon so eloquently put it in Almost Famous, "I didn't invent the rainy day, I just happen to have the best umbrella."

Sean Penn as the New Orleans Saints. Penn's incredible. There's no sugar coating it. And there is no one I would like to see the Bears play less than the Drew Brees led Saints. Penn defines acting flexibility. He can go gay (Milk), handicapped (I Am Sam), or maybe most impressively, go perpetually stoned as Jeff Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont high. Like Sean Penn, the Saints can outscore you mercilessly, or grind it out for a win like they did in week 16 at a venue in which Matty Ice OWNS. Any time Penn chooses a role, you can pencil him in for an Oscar nomination, and the Saints are equally as volatile. I think given the right road to the Super Bowl, the Saints can imaginably make a run to Dallas. Do I want to be the team that tests them? Absolutely not. Go Seahawks.

Speaking of the Seahawks, let them be played by Owen Wilson. You can't argue that given the proper role, Owen Wilson can encompass the meaning of the word comedy. He can be the funny guy male model (Zoolander), the funny guy best friend (You, Me and Dupree), the funny guy ex-boyfriend (Meet the Parents) or the funny guy bachelor (Wedding Crashers). Owen Wilson has made me laugh like Fran Drescher over the years through his roles in the aforementioned movies, but he has also shown absolutely ZERO range in his acting ability. He's great at what he does, but he has a comfort zone that he has been cemented in like he has an electric fence around his neck. Similarly, the Seahawks win games in one place, and one place only--Qwest Field. The Seahawks only beat two teams on the road this season, the Bears and the Cardinals. The rest of their 7 wins came in the City of Rain. The writing is flat out written on the wall for the entire NFL to see. The Seahawks are only decent at home. Good news for them is, that's where they will get the Saints on Sunday.

Lastly, let the Philadelphia Eagles be portrayed by cinema megastar Denzel Washington. Before you go nuts and begin to think "Denzel is way too good be Philly!", just hear me out for a second. Denzel is one of the greatest actors of our generation. He's an extraordinarily explosive character that has made some incredible films and has depicted some intense characters. Malcom X (Malcolm X), Rubin Carter (The Hurricane), Frank Lucas (American Gangster) and Coach Herman Boone (Remember the Titans) are just a few. But, can't we say the same thing in terms of football about Michael Vick? He's been as explosive as a shook-up can of Mr. Pibb this season and has dazzled in the spotlight after yanking Kevin Kolb's job from the poor loser like a 7th grade bully at recess. No one is doubting Denzel's brilliance on the big screen or Michael Vick's dominance on the gridiron. But don't you think it's safe to say that their best days are behind them? Denzel's last 3 movies are Unstoppable, The Book of Eli and The Taking of Pelham 123. I haven't seen any of them, and to be honest, I really don't want to. Likewise, Vick simply cannot capture the magic he had in Philly around the mid-season mark. What goes up must come down. Plus, we already beat them once, so bring on the battered and bruised version.

Before I call this script (no pun intended) my official comeback to the bloggosphere, I know you Packer fans are all looking for some love. Who's your actor? Let's see, Conchata Ferrell? She looks like every female Packer fan anyway. Boom. Roasted.

As for Pick of the Day, after a long betting hiatus, the Pulse Man likes Ohio State covering the 3 point cushion that they're giving to Ryan Mallett and the Hogs on Tuesday. Let's see if he's still got it.

Pick of the Day: Arkansas vs. Ohio State (-3)- OHIO STATE

Record:(42-30-0)

Now I'm done. Rack Me

Frost