Why do I keep giving the state of Wisconsin a voice? To be honest, I really don't even know. The electoral college proved to us who the government thought was the most important state in the midwest. Sorry Wisconsinites, although you beat out rival state Minnesota by one vote (11-10) and usually kick their ass in football, you're still deadlocked with the ghastly state of Tennessee and crawling 13 electoral votes behind Illinois. But, who cares about that system, it only elects the American President. When it comes to blogging, I'm an equal opportunity employer. That is why when it comes to football and previewing the big Packers vs. Bears Monday Night Football showdown, I left it up to two of my friends from college to formulate the preview. To humbly introduce these two bloggers, you need a brief background of the people they are and the voice they represent. Matt Meyers is a former Dairyland farm hand who was raised on only a few things--hard work, hand grease, and the CCR Greatest Hits CD. His uprbringing was prided on the 'rain makes corn, corn makes whiskey' idealogy like some sharecropper out of Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath. This nurturing has outlined his moral values and has led him to scoff at contemporary revelations like hummus, Taio Cruz, and electronic mail. On the other hand, our second blogger, Matt DeMars, is more of your new-age, 'liberalist hipster' Wisconsinite who indulges in modern phenomenons like deep-cut V neck T shirts and pomegranite lemonade. As born cynics and riotous critics, the 'two Matts' play off each other like Damon and Affleck. Aside from their conflicting ideals, these two find solidarity in something more emphatic than any other aspect of life in America's dairyland--Green Bay Packer football. Without further ado, here it is:
With the Packers and Bears facing off on Monday night, most people reading this blog probably don’t give a damn about the Sunday that preludes it. Unless, of course, you’re battling your shithead, garbage-eating roommate in this week’s fantasy match-up like I was last week (yeah, that’s right, Keagan) or you’re tuning in to HBO’s stellar, fall lineup (Boardwalk Empire and season premiere of Eastbound and Down). As much as I’m looking forward to ordering some General Tso’s and sitting on the couch all day on Sunday, I am freaking JACKED for the game Monday night.
This Packers-Bears match-up should answer a lot of questions surrounding each team, such as: Are the Packers the powerhouse that all of us (us, meaning Packers fans and most knowledgeable NFL fans) thought they would be? Are the Bears for real, or simply a flash in the pan, ala Eiffel 65? This week’s game should answer these questions, as well paint a clearer picture of the NFC North.
First of all, let’s start with the home team—The Chicago Bears:
The Bears are coming off of an impressive road win against the Cowboys, who are becoming more unpredictable than a menopausal woman’s mood swings. Their offense is 5th overall in the league, which is impressive for a team that is normally known for their defensive prowess. Jay Cutler looks to be in mid-season form, which should be relieving for Bears’ fans after last season’s debacle. Note that I said form in the last sentence, NOT shape. The guy has about as much cleavage between his two chins that his reality TV hunny, Kristin Cavallari, has between her breasts. But, whatever, she’s still hot as hell. Cutler definitely “out-kicked his coverage” on that one (pun absolutely intended). Jay is starting the throw the ball around the yard, evoking memories of Erik Kramer’s magical 1995 season. The knock on Cutler last year was the fact that he issued more Pick-6’s than the Wisconsin state lottery. If Jay can continue to avoid mistakes, he should have himself a Pro Bowl year.
Jay’s favorite target this season seems to be Greg Olsen. If this guy isn’t laying down tracks with the 7th floor crew, he’s running 12 yard crossing routes through the heart of the defense. The passing game has allowed the 3rd year RB to develop into a dangerous receiver out of the backfield. Add in Hester and Johnny Knox, and this offense has the potential to lead the league in passing.
On defense, the Bears spent a lot of money in the offseason acquiring Julius “Giardiniera” Peppers. This dude is a grown ass man. Outside of being the only reason to watch a Panthers game the last 3 years, Julius is at the tail-end of his prime, and his career should end in Canton. The Bears have Brian Urlacher back, for now. Urlacher has been the backbone of this defense for most of the past decade, similar to what Sean Murphy (10:18 mark) offered to the Little Giants. Also assisting on the defensive side is “Peanut” Tillman. I haven’t watched enough Bear games in my life to know what the story is on this guy, but any grown man with the nickname ‘Peanut’ either lives in his mother’s basement playing Xbox 360 or someone who you should avoid at all costs. I’m going with the latter for this guy.
The Packers enter Soldier Field with the perfect start to a season filled with high expectations. Leading the Packers is their Pro Bowl quarterback Aaron Rodgers. Rodgers has had a dream start to his career, evidenced by Chris Fehrenbach’s unforgettable stat that Aaron ‘is the first quarterback in NFL history to throw for 4,000 yards in his first two seasons’. The only thing Aaron can’t quite get down is facial hair. Dude’s facial hair reminds me of Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused. The Packers offense took a hit in week 1 when Ryan Grant went down with a season ending injury. Has there been a more anonymous 1,200 yard rusher in NFL history? In any event, the Packers still have the dynamic duo of Donald Driver and Greg Jennings on the outside. If Chad Ochocinco and Terrell Owens are ‘Batman and Robin’, these two are Riggs and Murtaugh from Lethal Weapon. The only thing more common for the two, other than catching passes, is flashing beaming smiles that would make any Crest commercial proud. The biggest question on Monday will be if Brian ‘baby’ Bulaga ‘and the deep blue sea’ can keep Peppers from decapitating Rodgers.
The Packers defense is talented and lead by reigning Defensive POY Charles Woodson. Assisting Woodson on the defensive side is certifiably crazy Clay Matthews. This hippy haired, cave man currently leads the league in sacks and shampoo consumption, and is on pace for a record shattering 48 sacks. Of course, the ‘Matts’ know this would be an impossible feat, and don’t expect this trend to last all season. The rest of the defense experiences relative anonymity outside of Jarett Bush. Jarett has been burnt more times than ‘Karl Marx, Beacon for Our Times’. He never escapes the chagrin of the Matts on game day.
Our Final Prediction – Green Bay 21 Chicago 13
This one is a little more defensive than most people predict, with the Packers surviving a late Jay Cutler drive that ultimately ends in an interception.
Matt's: I find a few problems with your blog post. I completely disagree with your comment that "Rodgers has had a dream start to his career" I don't know if you remember but he wasted his first three seasons in league sitting on the bench looking eerily similar to a young a Doug Flutie but yes he has had quite the start since your Lord Favre has left. Also I believe this game comes down to both teams O-Lines, whichever QB gets the most time. The more time they have in the pocket the more time they have to play pool. The Clay Matthews-Matt Forte is the match up to look for, is Matthews going to pad those sack stats or look to cover leagues new most dangerous receiving threat out of the backfield?
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