A lot of people won't invest too much into the Bears current 0-3 record going into their last preseason game with the Browns tonight. Some might say, the starters don't play enough for the games to be meaningful. Or, you should only look at the first quarter stats to tell if the Bears are prepared. That is all fine and good, and, the bottom line is, these games don't really count. But, the Bears currently rank 29th in points scored (12.0),28th in yds. per game (243), and 30th in pass yards per game (159.3) red flags are flying around like a group of hyperactive preteens playing in a 12 and under soccer league. None of the Bears signal callers have a QB rating over my highest college math test score--(82.5- Caleb Hanie) and he's our third string guy who is going to do nothing but hold a clipboard and be thankful that the Bears equipment manager gave him one of those fashionable, mesh, draft day hats so he can feel like he's actually a part of the team. On the defensive side of the ball, the supposed "Monsters of the Midway" have mustered only 6 sacks to their opponents 16, and have given up 7 tuddies in 3 games. Now I know that you don't want to hit the proverbial panic button too early in the preseason, but the worst part about all of this is--nobody on the team seems to care.
For instance, we can start with former all-pro middle linebacker Brian Urlacher. Coming off a season in which he played in only one game and had little effect on stopping Green Bay during that singular contest, I would say that this is a year in which Urlacher has a lot to prove. He's already been banged up in the preseason and has taken the cautionary days off to ensure that he's healthy for week 1. However, if you're going to miss practice and preseason games and we can't see you on FOX for the Bears telecast, don't let us see you on HBO's Entourage, rippin' Tequila shots with Turtle being the absolute worst actor since Chris Bosh had a similar cameo on Entourage the week before. Now, I understand that the episode was probably filmed long before Urlacher got hurt, and he probably made a quick buck for his brief appearance, not to mention that someone (Turtle) actually recognized the Professor Xavier look alike outside of his franchise's city. I know Brian has been the backbone of the Bears D for a long time now, and we have dealt with him bringing Paris Hilton into the Press Box and other meaningless drivel before. Hell, we even gave his abject brother, Casey a tryout with the team to try and appease the Urlacher family. I just hope Urlacher is dedicated to becoming the Bears' middle linebacker on Sundays rather than running around Hollywood trying to appear on premium cable television for a chance to meet Emanuelle Chiriqui.
And then, if we didn't have enough to deride Jay Cutler for other than his preseason 51% completion percentage, his 62.3 QB rating, and his sickening 'swirl-cut'(shout out Matt DeMars) we soon find out that he's taking out The Hills starlet Kristin Cavallari out to drink a bottle of Cabernet and dine on some Surf and Turf at a high end Steakhouse in the Loop. And I thought Urlacher had something to prove this year? Cutler is coming off a 26 interception season and is trying to justify his mammoth contract. More importantly Jay, you went for Kristin? Really? If it were me, I would have played hard to get with Audrina and desperately tried to end up in an off-season scuffle with Justin Bobby, or at least tried to resurface LC into mainstream pop culture. All I see the Cutler/Cavallari relationship consisting of is incessant whining and lavish Christmas gifts. After all, Cutler was born in Santa Claus, Indiana (stranger than fiction).
If it sounds like I am nervous for the Bears' upcoming season--you're right, I am. Despite Aaron Rodgers looking like a complete tool constantly "showing the belt" and employing abominable facial hair gimmicks to try and command attention, he has had a flawless preseason and hung a crooked 59 on the defending AFC Champion Colts. Favre will come ready to play, you know he will. Nobody comes back out of shape while you're still playing when you're old enough to use Just for Men-Touch of Gray on the daily. And Matt Stafford, let's just say he's got enough weapons to steal a few games in the division. Give the guy a chance, he's not Jon Kitna.
As for pick of the day, after being reminded constantly from Facebook and Twitter that "college football is finally starting today...so jacked." The Pulse Man has decided to make his inaugural College Football bet as he likes Southern Miss giving South Carolina a real test in Columbia tonight and covering the 13.5 point spread. I hope everyone enjoys the first night of college football and also takes in some games this weekend. I will be taking in the Iowa/Eastern Illinois barn-burner first hand and will definitely let you know how it goes. Stay close for a link to Friday afternoon's first ever podcast from Chicago Sports Noise as a carload of 5 males makes the 4 hour trek to Iowa City.
Pick of the Day: Southern Miss. @ South Carolina- SOUTHERN MISS. -13.5 (-110)
Record:(15-11-0)
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