Em-bear-assing

I promised myself at a young age that I would never quote U2, under any circumstances. I believe that U2, and more specifically Bono fans, are the collective nerds of the universe. They're the type of people who drive around with the top down in their Chrysler Sebring when the temp is in the mid 70's, blasting the Joshua Tree CD at an outrageous volume. When you are stopped next to these people at a traffic light, you wonder how in the world this guy is married as he belts out the lyrics to "Where the streets have no name" at the top of his lungs like he's the next Josh Groban. Seriously, U2 sucks, and so do their fans. But, the only conceivable way to describe the Bears/Pats game from Sunday afternoon is through the lyrics of U2's "Sunday Bloody Sunday". After all, that's exactly what yesterday was for the NFC North division leaders.

"I can't believe the news today,
Oh, I can't close my eyes
And make it go away
How long...
How long must we sing this song?
How long, how long..." -U2, "Sunday Bloody Sunday"-

At least it's not like we didn't see it coming. Belichick and Brady own the snow. For most athletes, the previous phrase would have serious cocaine-abuse undertones, but when aligned on the same sideline, these guys just simply don't lose when the turf is blanketed with powder. A lot of Bears fans were ecstatic about the forecast, mindlessly proclaiming that this occurrence of "Bears weather" would slow down the Pats potent offense and propel the Bears to a huge statement win against the best team in the AFC. Well, I guess if you cannot move the ball, tackle the punt returner, or keep the opposition's first half lead under 30 points, the weather is not rightfully "yours".

As Bears fans who could barely feel their extremities filed into Soldier Field yesterday, they had no idea what they were about to witness. They endured one of the coldest days of the year in order to see their hometown team play a competitive football game. Instead, they were paying guests to a game that had me watching Titanic on the Oxygen channel midway through the 3rd quarter. Almost instantly, the Patriots made it clear that they didn't lose much momentum from last week's dismantling of the Jets, and once again hung an insurmountable first half deficit on their opponent. Sunday's game proved to us that the Bears will continue to struggle in the snow without a running game. And with another date in Chicago as well as a meeting in Green Bay with the Packers in early January left on the schedule, the Bears certainly have their work cut out for them. But hey, look on the bright side, at least we didn't lose to a Drew Stanton led Lions team. Now that's just pitiful.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man's pick remains in tact from Friday (unlike the Metrodome). He still likes Eli Manning and co. to beat the Vikings at Ford Field tonight by more than a field goal.

Pick of the Day: Giants (-3) @ Vikings- GIANTS

Record:(38-25-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Patriot Games

In anticipating Sunday's game between the Bears and Patriots, we can expect to see two teams who have proven themselves amongst the NFL's elite in 2010. It should come as no surprise that the New England Patriots, led by their GQ QB, Tom Brady, and their head coach Bill Belichick, who will likely dress for Sunday as if he just got done tossing around dumbells in his suburban garage, are pacing the AFC as they have done for most of the past decade. For the Bears on the other hand, in a more fly-by-night scenario, they lead the NFC North at 9-3 and are using their stout defense and the recently stellar play of their quarterback, Jay Cutler, as the catalysts for their own success. So, as a date with a dynasty looms on the horizon for Sunday afternoon, the Bears prepare for what will be the ultimate measuring stick for their football team. Do they belong with the frontrunners for the NFC Championship? Or, will their right-place, right-time performance so far this season fail to answer the bell this weekend resulting in the Patriots smacking another opponent across the face on nationally syndicated television. Remember: last time Cutler used a measuring stick, it didn't turn out well (just kidding, of course).

With all records aside, this matchup is much more than a 10-2 vs. 9-3, AFC vs. NFC battle; it is the ultimate quarterback dichotomy. For those of you who don't understand what a dichotomy is (Pulse Man), I'll do this in what they call, 'Layman's terms', although I admit, that expression has always sucked. I mean seriously, who the hell is Layman? I feel like he'd be the kind of guy that would lead me to do absolutely nothing by 'his' terms. Anyway, here's the deal: every football fan in America wants Tom Brady to be their quarterback and respect him, and his shoulder-lengthed lettuce to the hilt. In Cutler's case, even his city's own fans, the die-hards who are supposed to blindly defend him like he's cast in the whirlwind of a Salem witch trial, deride him like he just moved in on a girl that we just bought a drink. I admit, I'm absolutely, 100% guilty of this myself. But why? Is it because Brady has two rings, had arguably the best deep threat in the history of the NFL, and a mastermind head coach on his side? And we berate Jay Cutler for having never had a winning season, using a collection of return specialists for wideouts, and a head coach named after a Build-a-Bear? In most cases, I think we'd be pulling for Cutler over Brady, recalling the classic underdog mentality that is so popular in American sports. Think about it: Butler vs. Duke, Diamondbacks vs. Yankees in the '01 Fall classic, the Boise St. vs. Oklahoma 'Statue of Liberty' game...America loves this garbage! Now think about how many really big Jay Cutler fans you know. How many Chicagoans do you overhear flagging a cab on Wacker (I've never seen anyone flag a cab on Wacker, so I wouldn't know) saying, "Man, I love Cutler. He's my guy. If he throws 4 picks again tomorrow, he's still our quarterback." Don't kid yourself, it's not the picks. Favre threw the same amount of picks and I know two guys with Favre tats (true story, they're inked with #4's on their arms).

Even in their personal lives, we have given Brady the benefit of the doubt. Brady dated the down to earth, Bridget Moynahan, extensively in 2004, then she had his kid, named it after him, and then Tom left her and instead married a Brazilian supermodel named Gisele, and around the same time coincidentally became the spokesman for Gillete. Hmmmm....And for Jay, he only went out and got the lead starlet from every man's guilty pleasure (The Hills, of course. If you show me a guy who claims to have never watched an ep of The Hills, I'll show you a liar) and turned her into a Bears fan. Still, we continue to demean Cutler's footwork like he doesn't know more about playing the quarterback position than we do, and simultaneously call his diagnosis with diabetes a result of him being a 'chub'.

Maybe it's how both men carry themselves. How Brady will get up in a teammate's personal space, cuss him out, and then headbutt him after he throws him a 56 yard laser for a Touchdown on the next play. How Cutler will whimsically fling a laser down the middle of the field without Johnny Knox within a country mile, have it picked, ran back for 6, and the camera pans back to him casually jogging off the field like it's a Thursday rep against the scout team. The fact of the matter is, Jay Cutler will never be Tom Brady, and to be honest, I don't think he wants to be. On Sunday, just do yourself a favor and analyze both haircuts, and the men behind them before you choose your allegiance. I admire Brady just as much as the next guy for his passion, leadership, and his supermodel wife. But If you still side with Brady (I'm leaning towards it even after writing this), thank his publicist, his stylist, and again, his supermodel wife. Just don't thank Cutler.

As for Pick of the Day, with his inaugural Saturday 6 Pack campaign behind him, the Pulse Man has set his sights on the end of the NFL season. For this weekend, the Pulse Man likes the Giants to come out on top by more than 3 in Minnesota this weekend. Whether Favre plays or not, the Vikings still suck.

Also, special shoutout to Neal "The Wheel" Therrien for adding to Chicago Sports Noise facebook following. I hope this gets you some ass Neal. If anyone else wants a shoutout, suggest some friends to the facebook page and consider it done.

Pick of the Day: Giants (-3) @ Vikings- GIANTS

Record:(38-25-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost