Central Cooling System

The NL Central is slowly becoming the NFC West; a division that total nerds like John Clayton and David Eckstein can make fun of. Look at the baseball teams in middle America. You have $140 million lineups that get less hits than this stupid website (Cubs) and a supposedly 'depressed' starting pitcher who is married to Miss Daytona '08 and is fracturing ribs going up for boards in a men's league (Zach Greinke-Brewers). For the first time in my life, the thought of Nebraska and Iowa owning MLB franchises doesn't sound like that bad of an idea. To make this blog unconventional and ultimately unbearable, I've decided to approach this blog by backwards design. In other words, were starting from the worst and heading towards first, maybe I can pick up some optimism before I preview the Cubs, Brewers and Reds next week.

Pittsburgh Pirates- A lot of gangs rock the Pirates flat-bill New Era hat for good reason--nobody else would be caught dead wearing that decrepit piece of headwear. The Buccos are the worst team in professional baseball. They haven't had a winning season since Ice Cube starred in Boyz N the Hood when it came out in theaters (1992). Since then, Cube has done Barbershop 2:Back in Business and has also starred in the TBS supposed comedy, Are We There Yet? Both the Pirates and the original member of NWA have seen better days. Unless the 2011 Pittsburgh squad can somehow capture the magic that was prevalent in the children's novel, Honus & Me, it's another season with a clear view from the NL Central cellar. Whatever, I'm sure they're used to it by now.

Houston Astros- No Berkman, no Oswalt, no chance. I honestly feel bad for Carlos Lee. He needs to be traded to the AL and DH the rest of his career like a reincarnated hybrid of Bobby Bonilla and Ruben Sierra. The only thing that I find interesting about the Astros is the contrast in speed between their two best players. The tortoise (Carlos Lee) and the hare (Michael Bourn) should make for some interesting pre-game footraces from foul line to foul line. Other than that, they're just a bad team that has to be thankful that God invented the Pittsburgh Pirates, and the Fielding Bible Award (a real thing) so Michael Bourn can own both. Oh, I almost forgot, they have Hunter Pence, so at least all of the Astros players will be able to attend the Houston Robotics Festival free of charge.

St. Louis Cardinals- the Cards have more problems than a teenager who could be cast on MTV's I Used to be Fat and Teen Mom at the same time. The only Wainwright that Tony LaRussa will see in a Cardinals uniform this season is if the openly gay Rufus Wainwright somehow signs on to sing the National Anthem at Busch Stadium in mid-August. Additionally, Chris Carpenter is still on the mend with a bad hammy and the Cardinals don't exactly have the loot to sign anyone with a $900,000,000,000 contract pending with phat Albert. Will the Cardinals eventually sign Pujols and smother the NL Central for the next decade? Yea, I think they will pony up and pay him his freight. But 2011 could be as bad as the movie 2012, or the song,"2012", if the Cards aren't very careful in their approach.

As for Pick of the Day, the Zags got into the dance and got the Pulse Man the W. For tonight, the Pulse Man likes the Bobcats getting 8 points in Charlotte against the red-hot Chicago Bulls. Money over everything, you said it Messy Marv.

Pick of the Day: Bulls @ Bobcats (+8)- BOBCATS

Record:(61-45-0)


Now I'm done. Rack me


Frost