Slow-Play

As baseball's winter meetings continue, and high school semester progress reports continue to be inflicted upon America's youth, the South Siders have already made a splash in the American League. Kenny Williams and Ozzie Guillen, who the media portray as having the same relationship as Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon in Grumpy Old Men, are seemingly on the same wavelength as the Sox have extended contracts to both free-agent Adam Dunn, and team captain, Paul Konerko. Most skeptics are wondering, aren't they both first baseman? Well, yes. But Dunn can play the outfield...sort of. Aren't they both aging power hitters? Yes, but Konerko is coming off an MVP-like season, and although he is not getting any younger, he remains to be productive. And for Dunn, the only player in the league that has hit more home runs collectively in the past 5 seasons is going to be enshrined into Cooperstown as one of the best first baseman ever when he's through playing, so there. And lastly, aren't Dunn and Konerko arguably the two slowest guys in the league? Yes, you're absolutely right. Honestly, I could go into the Buehler YMCA steam room and find two old, half-naked geezers that can beat those two pro athletes in a foot race. But, nobody times you running around the bases after you yank a 2-1 fastball 420 ft. to left-center field. So, although the Sox will conceivably have to string together 3 consecutive hits to score a run in the middle of their lineup at times, these two sluggers will ultimately be worth the dough. I mean, they did the same thing with Thome, and everyone complained when he left. So be careful what you wish for Sox fans, the piano-backed first baseman platoon is back in full effect.

As for Donkey Dunn, there isn't a pro athlete more excited to be affiliated with a winning franchise than this guy. I seriously wonder what this 6'6'', 275 lb. whale's career record is. He first played for the Reds, where he lost at least 100 games a season and got so fed up with it, that he started striking out on purpose in order to end each game faster. Thus, setting the single season K record in 2001. Then, Dunn was traded to the Arizona Diamondbacks for a right-handed pitcher/bullfighter named Dallas Buck, and two other prospects. While in AZ, he went on to have the lowest fielding percentage in the majors amongst left-fielders, which is an incredible feat considering some of the bumbling idiots that teams throw in left field on occasion. Recently, Dunn has been locked in baseball's basement in Washington D.C. with the Washington Nationals. When the most exciting day of your franchise's season comes on the morning of the amateur draft, something is going horribly wrong. And for Dunn, he left D.C faster than a bored 9-year old getting a tour of the Pentagon on a middle school field trip. Now blessed with a 4-year, $56 million contract with the Sox, Dunn can concentrate on what he does best--running up $15.00 tabs at Portillos and hitting bombs into the US Cellular Field stadium concourse 35 times a year. The best is yet to come Adam, have you ever had a cake shake? Trust me, I think you'd like it.

For Paul Konerko, the Sox virtually owed it to the guy to overpay his talents. Konerko has been nothing short of a Derek Jeter-like captain figure for the Chi Sox over his 11 year career there. While rumors swirled about whether Paulie was going to ditch 35th and Shields to catch rays in Arizona for his hometown team, the media was pessimistic that the higher-ups in the Sox organization would be able to sign the team's first baseman. Although Konerko turns 35 in March, the Sox recognized the All-Star season that he put together in 2010 and strapped him with a 3-year, $37.5 million deal that should see him to the end of his professional career. Paul Konerko's signing today makes Sox fans pleased that their slow-footed slugger can now chase down (no pun intended) Frank Thomas' 448 homers for the franchise lead in a White Sox uniform. And, most importantly, Paul's still "got a little Captain in him"--something that the White Sox would have had difficulty replacing.

As for Pick of the Day, after being in attendance for his betting victory Monday night, the Pulse Man likes BJ3 and the Milwaukee Bucks giving 1.5 to the Caucasian-laden Indiana Pacers squad in the Bradley Center for Tonight. Fear the Deer.

Pick of the Day: Inidana @ Milwaukee (-1.5)- BUCKS

Record:(37-25-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me