Final Four-play

As a jumping off point, let the record show that I know two Ivy league graduates: one, an uber-cute Cornell alumnus who apparently married into some heavy East Egg cash and is currently sipping lattes like they're streaming from the Britta filter. The other Ivy Leaguer, of course, is my main man, KB Toyz. It is Chicago Sports Noise's pleasure to have a highly accredited scholar from Columbia (a prestigious university that FDR, his distant cousin Teddy, and Warren "I'm richer than Jimmy" Buffett also attended) contribute to 'The Noise'. Needless to say, KB is already over-qualified to analyze the NCAA tournament based on his educational credentials. You would think he spent his 4 years of undergrad immersed in Oscar Wilde novels and delving deep into endless arithmetic reasoning. Instead, he serenaded the best schools in America with the sweet music of his 18-foot jumper as a member of Columbia's basketball squad and is now enjoying the fruits of being a professional athlete across the pond in England. Without further ado, here are is picks. Remember, "Beware the Ides of March." -William Shakespeare-

This is always the time of the year when the so called “experts” give
you supposedly sound advice on how to fill out your NCAA bracket. They
highlight “some possible upset” picks of which to look out for and you
inevitably start drinking their Kool Aid, only to be heartbroken when the
number 2 seed you picked to lose in the second round runs to the Final
4 (I know from experience dude). Instead of falling victim to that
snarky douche, Doug Gottlieb, make your picks on your own accord
people.

That being said I am now going to give you some general guidelines
that ought to help you during this process. The NBA is about talent
whereas college basketball is about coaching. If you are conflicted on
a pick, go with the more experienced coach. I would put my money on the
Izzo’s and Pitino’s of the world (in any enviornment other than Applebee's) rather than picking a lower seed to upset them. In fact, as a general guideline I would not bet against Tom Izzo in March (at least not in rounds 1 and 2).

BYU is not nearly as good as people want you to think they are. Don’t get me
wrong, I absolutely love Jimmer, but this team is a decaffeinated mess right
now. When it gets to crunch time, someone other then Jimmer is going to
have to make a big play and I just don’t see it happening.

In keeping with the Mountain West, SDSU is much more poised to make a
deep run into the tourney then BYU is. In fact, I have BYU on “upset
alert” in the first round against Wofford. Wofford has played some big
name competition tough over the past couple of years and their coach, Mike
Young, has been around the block and knows how to game plan for a guy
that can drop a cool 30 while looking like the kid who was the
perennial “Sportsmanship Award Winner” at basketball camp (See:
Stephen Curry)

It is all about the guards people. If you are struggling to make a
pick, take a look at the rosters and see which team appears to have the
better (and more experienced) guards. For instance, a team like Texas worries
me because aside from senior Jai Lucas, they have very little experience
in the backcourt. If I am a Kansas fan, I am also worried about their
guard play. When one of your starting guards is a struggling freshman
and the other was recently suspended, that does not exactly scream
FINAL 4. In terms of teams with solid guard play, I definitely like
Pittsburgh as they are old and Jamie Dixon is a veteran coach in
March. Missouri is also a team I like. Experienced guards AND a style
that most teams haven’t played against all year makes them poised to
make a deep run.

But, whatever you do, remember the "Butter Face" rule. You know when you
see a girl and everything is nice BUT her face? Yes, of course you do.
Well there are also Butter Face teams in this tournament.A Butter Face team is one that does a couple things really well but they don’t have that overall game
that we hope to see from a title contender. Notre Dame is a prime
example. They have tremendous outside shooting capability but their
inside game is like Egyptian Cotton. I would advise all of you to
handle any Butter Face teams in the bracket the same way you would
handle a Butter Face in real life. Be cordial, exchange some niceties,
but never allow yourself to get into a deep conversation. The same
holds true while filling out your brackets, if you see a Butter Face
team, I would suggest not letting them get any further than round 2. And
as a general rule of thumb, don’t let yourself go any further than
second base in real life. Unless you're Dan in Real Life.

Now, I am about to give you my “upset” picks. Remember what I told you,
when it comes to listening to others, follow the tried and true advice
of Stone Cold Steve Austin: “Don’t Trust Anyone.” That being said, here we go.
Utah State won 30 games this year and while I certainly haven’t seen them play, I did some research and they have a solid PG and a good inside game. I seem them giving Kansas State some trouble in the opening round; just don’t tell that to Frank Martin. Wofford over BYU as I alluded to earlier is another sleeper. I also like two Atlantic 10 teams Richmond and Xavier. Both have excellent point guards in Tu Holloway and Kevin Anderson and both teams can beat you in multiple ways. Other teams you might be sleeping on that can make a Final 4 run are as follows. Southwest: Purdue, they lock up and have flown below the radar all season. Have a great guard in E’twaun Moore and a jumping jack big man in Jajuan Johnson. Southeast: Wisconsin, one of the best guards in the tournament in Jordan Taylor and a balanced inside outside attack. Also, Bo Ryan.

My Final 4 picks: Ohio State, SDSU, Pitt and Purdue. I predict Ohio
State will beat Pitt in the ‘Chip 60-53. DTA people. DTA.

A very happy March Madness to all of you.

Rack me

KB.

A Chance to Dance

March Madness can mean a variety of things to a lot of different people. For some, it echoes opportunity. A chance for any idiot with a Bic ball-point and a PDF bracket to take down the office pool. It means half-days, sick days, made up family illnesses and an assortment of other excuses for the male contingent of America's workforce. The NCAA tournament is our country's most captivating sports spectacle. As Jay Bilas tweeted yesterday, "The NCAA tournament is idiot proof." There will always be upsets, Cinderellas and underused Gus Johnson soundboard websites. With all of that being said about this highly touted spring staple, does Illinois deserve to be in the field based on their body of work this season? In my own humble and entirely worthless opinion, no. As an Illinois fan, I'm almost ashamed that they did sneak in. Harvard probably has a better team with a quarter of the talent and Virginia Tech has now had their bubble popped for 4 consecutive years (that just sounds filthy). Illinois' "Big Dance" experience in 2011 brings me back to my own experiences cuttin' it up.

Now I was never in the NCAA tournament, or pirouetted across my middle school stage like Billy Elliot. But the more you think about it, the NCAA tournament selection process is strikingly similar to the Turnabout/Spring Fling/Winter Formal dance date selection process in most high school social circles.

I had some great dance dates in high school--but like everyone does--I had to wrap my arms around a few questionable characters and muster a morose smile at the customary picture party. If you had to cast a Hollywood C-Lister to capture my high school essence, it wouldn't be Paul Walker or Freddie Prinze, but I wasn't the nerd downloading calculator games in the C-lab with a USB cord either. I was a middle of the road guy; constantly toting the dotted stripe during dance season. My only hope was that I put together a decent enough body of work to keep myself in contention, and then hope that a few cases of high school infidelity and AIM break-ups would land me in the hands of a babe who could boost my stock. Relax, it's not superficial if it happened 5+ years ago. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

My freshman year was entirely forgettable. Based on my date, I didn't make the tourney, got snubbed by the NIT, snuck into the CBI and tried to hide my face enough so that nobody realized I was even there. Just for the record, there is no concrete evidence that this night actually happened; no pictures were taken on my behalf. So if you want to know who my date was, you either have to really shell out some coin, or somehow be friends with the female. As unlikely as the first of those two situations sounds, it still has the higher odds in comparison to the latter. Trust me. As for my sophomore year, tons of hype (high seed/cute crush) but very little substance. In her defense, I didn't know her that well so I was set up for a trap game (similar to a 12-5) and came up shorthanded. Junior year was a fun time, but our team chemistry kept us incapable of making a serious run at tournament immortality (Final 4/grinding to "Tip Drill" by Nelly). But 2006 is when the similarities between this year's Illinois team and myself truly blossomed into fruition...senior year.

Much like Illinois, I found myself on the brink of not being selected at all. I hadn't exactly stated my case as a prominent bachelor in the halls of my high school (no senior superlatives, no vanity license plate, average haircut, abysmal body, limited personality). Those sleepless nights in mid-February found me contemplating if I would ever get another shot to bust the people's brackets by busting a move during my senior campaign. Luckily, the fortune favors the foolish, and I somehow reeled in a more than formidable partner (who will remain nameless and faceless).

Like any NCAA tournament game, the dance is divided into 3 parts--preparation (pictures/dinner), gametime (dance), and post-game (after party). Similar to my brothers in Orange and Blue, I had no business being there with the date I had in hand, so I had to answer countless questions about my credibility in the tournament, i.e. "Why the hell did she ask you?" or "Doesn't she know that (some Mr. LZ candidate/bubble team) is still dateless?" In all honesty, I couldn't answer, and neither can Bruce Weber. They lost to 4 non-tournament teams in the regular season, including a UIC team that finished close to last in the Horizon league (equivalent to being caught passing wind in a core class with close seating proximity). And, like my physical appearance during 12th grade, Illinois' (9-9) record in the Big 10 was pretty average, which didn't turn many heads in the right direction. So, I put a smile on my face and was just happy to be there. I piled on the pomade, took in the sights and sounds, opened a few car doors and tried not to screw up.

In the end, my tightly-wound approach is what did me in, and the same will go for Illinois on Thursday. Not to say that I didn't enjoy myself, or that I don't have a 5x7 wallet pic of that night just in case if anyone ever asks if I was cool in high school--because I did, and I do. But I made no attempt at bringing down the house and just having a good time. I was so busy playing everything off and mean-mugging the dance chaperons that I couldn't thoroughly enjoy the experience I had at my disposal. If anybody is still reading this--and if you are I commend you--it surely wasn't easy, my lesson to Illinois is this: "play with a looseness like you've never been there before, because you don't know if you'll ever be back."

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man dropped his most recent bet, but what better time of the year than this to right the ship. For his next pick, the Pulse Man likes Richmond to cover the 2 point cushion they're getting against Vandy in the opening round. Everyone's afraid of spiders. Rich what?

Pick of the Day: #10 Richmond (+2) @ #7 Vanderbilt- RICHMOND

Record:(61-46-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost

Purple Reign

Rodney Dangerfield is remembered by many for his notable contributions to comedy and television. In Caddyshack, you look back on the outrageous outfits and jokes he used while portraying Al Czervik, and can't help but laugh. For the much less casual Dangerfield fan, his role as Chester in the 1992 cult classic, Ladybugs, is cherished as comedy in its purest form. Few people can argue the impact that Rodney had on comedy, but his impression on Northwestern's 2010-2011 Men's Basketball season is now starting to make its presence felt. Dangerfield's famous tag-line, "I gets no respect, I tell ya", has thoroughly encompassed NU's 8-0 start to the season so far. Sure, their SOS (strength of schedule, not the Rihanna song) is still pretty high at 189, but they play in the Big 10. Ingeniously, Bill Carmody figured out that chewing a tough non-conference plate when the Big 10 is already loaded is going to end up resulting in 5 losses and 4,000 empty seats in Welsh-Ryan Arena for the conference opener. Instead, Carmody installed a schedule with 'who-gives-a-shit games' like Texas-Pan Am (isn't that also the name of an airline?), Arkansas-Pine Bluff and Long Island, knowing all too well that his team would already have to face an ACC opponent (ACC/Big 10 challenge), and a solid mid-major program (Creighton). By doing this, Carmody also established the fact that nobody will have seen Northwestern play more than once on live television before the conference season starts, further promoting his team's false potential as legitimate conference contenders. Savvy.

Trust me, there is no way the Wildcats finish the season in the top 4 of the Big 10 standings, but that's not a discredit to NU. The Big 10 is deeper this year than the wave pool at Magic Waters. Michigan St., Purdue, Ohio State and Illinois will all make the tournament as at large bids based solely on talent and reputation, but Northwestern has to sneak in through the screened-in porch before the tourney committee realizes who they're letting in. Northwestern is still the only major conference school to NEVER (forever? forever-ever? forever-ever?) make the NCAA tournament. If Rodney Dangerfield's "I get no respect" is there team slogan, the opening lines of CCR's catchy single, "Lookin out My Backdoor" should serve as their University's NCAA tournament selection rallying cry. Just read the opening lines:

"Just got home from Illinois, locked the front door, oh boy,
I've got to sit down, take a rest on the porch,
Imagination sets in, pretty soon I'm singin',
Doo da doo da doo, lookin' out my backdoor." CCR

If Northwestern beats Steve Lavin's St. Johns team in MSG tonight, the Mild-cats only have to knock off "The Mount" (Mount St. Mary's. Admit it, you thought it was a volcano) and they roll into conference play undefeated. That's 11 wins and 0 losses rolling into West Lafayette to test their mettle against the Boilers. Northwestern is also keeping the scorekeepers busy as they are currently averaging 81.5 PPG, which is good enough for 1st in the Big Ten during non-conference play. Are they good enough to end the year first place in the Big 10? No. But they just might be good enough to fill a slot in the country's most celebrated bracket for the first time in school history. Stay tuned.

As for Pick of the Day, I know the Pulse Man already has a pick on the table from yesterday, but in the words of Ernie Banks he figures "Let's play two!". In the spirit of all things purple and white (except for Queen Lattifah), the Pulse Man likes NU getting 3 in the Garden tonight against St. John's. Let the 3's fall like rain...purple rain.

Pick of the Day: Northwestern (+3) @ St. Johns- NORTHWESTERN

Record:(41-28-0)

Now I'm done. Rack me

Frost